Hermes

Hi Aristotle! I'm going to have to agree with Elinor on this one; nothing about this really works for me. At first I thought that this was just some bizarre prologue to the actual story you were planning to put beneath it, but then the page ended and I thought, "What? Where's the story?" As it is, this is neither a short story or a prologue, or even some form of poetry. It's just the ramblings of an angry god. :/

Here are some suggestions for you to help you get going:

For every storyline, there are five essential things that you need to use. They are, in order of execution:

1) Exposition: This gives background information and prepares the reader for what is to come. The setting and tone are established, and some of the main characters, if any, are introduced. This can be most often found in the prologue of a story, or in the introduction, if non-fiction. It's not necessary to put it in either, though.

2) Rising Action: Decelops the characters by adding a problem or plot complication (conflict). This tension can come in the form of man vs. man, man vs, himself, man vs. society, man vs. nature, or man vs. fate or supernatural.

3) Turning Point: Climax. This is the time when the main character (usually the protagonist) must make a decision to handle the the conflict. This decision can be good or bad. Whatever decision the main character makes will determine the overall outcome.

4) Falling Action: Shows what happened because of the main character's decision, and how it effects the characters. If the outcome is positive, then most of the characters will enjoy the fallout; if the decision is poor, the characters will likely suffer in some way. This is where some reactions and consequences are seen.

5) Denouement: (Pronounced DEN-ooh-MAHn) This is a fancy French word for "untying," or what occurs by the end of the story, when the whole plot has unraveled. The final outcome or solution focuses on the main character and what he, she, or it learned (if anything*) due to all that happened. Often, a theme (moral or lesson) is present, which offers the audience an opportunity to reflect upon what happened and apply it beyond the story and into real life.

Courtesy of the Virtual Learning Academy Charter School (VLACS)

Protagonist: central or main character around which the story centers (not necessarily the "good guy" but the most important character, through whose eyes the reader sees the story situation unfold)

Antagonist: character or force which opposes (goes against) the main character; this need not be another person, but might be the main character's own self, or might be an outside force -- another person or group, the environment or nature, the supernatural or fate

Dynamic Character: character who learns and grows and develops by story's end

Static Character: character who does not learn or grow or develop by story's end

Flat Character: lesser character about whom little information is given (not well-developed)

Round Character: character about whom much information, such as thoughts, feelings, and action is given (developed)

Minor Character: lesser character who also develops the main character by showing what minor character thinks, feels, and says about the major character(s)

Narrator: the one (author or first-person character) who gives the account of the story
Courtesy of Virtual Learning Academy Charter School (VLACS)

Hiya,

I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with this piece. It's definitely not prose, but even calling it a poem would be stretching it. You just list facts about a certain god that pertain to numbers. Lists aren't in any way interesting; there's nothing memorable or exciting in particular. When the reader finishes, we're just like, "Oh, so I suppose that was interesting to know?" You aren't being arty in any way, just boring. Pieces that have a broken, quiet theme like the one you were trying to achieve usually have more to them, and encompass a direct narrative. This does not.

There's no clear focus; you hint at somewhat of a plot but never really deliver. We don't know what you were aiming towards, leading the reader to believe that you don't really care and were just trying to get something done. If you want to take this somewhere, start fresh and with the basics. Right now it's so flawed and boring that adding on to it would be a lost cause.

Think of these things: Should this be a story or poem? What is the conflict that you want to center around? You start getting more story-like towards the end, but do you still want to incorporate the beginning? Maybe Hermes could notice a pattern with the world he lives in and the numbers three and four-that way you don't lose the original thought of this piece. Good luck, and Pm me if you need anything.

-Elinor x

FreakyDeaky wrote:I've never seen a piece of literature set out like this before, quite unusual but quite interesting too ^^

I have to make a connection here between three and your username, Aristotle also said there were three ways to eudaimonia (happiness) in terms of Virtue Ethics, but I bet you already knew that.
I didn't think I would like this at first, but it's grown on me. A lot of insight through little words. Especially since it's about Greek Mythology. I'd love to see more work in this style from you. ^^

I really like this, its different and powerful(: and I think its just awesome.

keep it up

I like this piece but, Moo is right, it is a piece of Narrative Poetry.

What Mad_moo said.

This piece isn't written in prose, and therefore it is not a 'story' as such. Though you've already said this piece isn't poetry, I do think it would be better suited to the Narritive Poetry section.

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/forum10.html

Other than that, I can't really say much about it. :S

-Moo

I've never seen a piece of literature set out like this before, quite unusual but quite interesting too ^^

I have to make a connection here between three and your username, Aristotle also said there were three ways to eudaimonia (happiness) in terms of Virtue Ethics, but I bet you already knew that.

I didn't think I would like this at first, but it's grown on me. A lot of insight through little words. Especially since it's about Greek Mythology. I'd love to see more work in this style from you. ^^

This isn't a poem...

AWKWARD!

It was good, but I think that you should have split it into two poems one obviously with all the Three things and one with all the Four things. Doesn't seem right all mashed up together. Also I don't think the title is very relevant to the topic which is obviously Greek Mythology. So I would suggest changing it to something either more mythology like or if you switch them into two separate poems than titles like "three" or "four."