I know I’ll always have a place to go
I know I’ll always be looked after
I know I’ll always have support
I know I’ll always have love and laughter
I can’t think of enough words to give my thanks
I can’t imagine what I would be without her
I don’t know where I would go if she wasn’t around
I don’t think I would be me right now
There’s so many things I would like to say
But there’s so little time in each passing day
I’ll say what I feel and it’s still not enough
The four words I can pronounce with ease
I love my mom
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Wow this is really precious! There is a lot of love in that poem! I like the way you incorporated a little bit of end rhyme, but I think if you switched a few of the lines around and changed some end words it could be more consistent in the rhyme scheme. In the 9th line it should be "There are" instead of "there's". Great job again, I'm sure your mom appreciated the beautiful and heart-felt poem!!
This is really sweet! I bet your mom loved it!
"There’s so many things I would like to say,
The formatting is a little weird though.
Like Micah said, you can separate the similar lines into different stanzas. Also, if you added some punctuation, it might look nice.
Spoiler
But there’s so little time in each passing day."
Something like that maybe.
The rhyme scheme is a little off.
For example, after and laughter rhyme, but go and support don't. I would suggest not having a rhyme scheme to make things flow better.
Love the poem! ^.^ its really cute!
What a cute poem! I'm sure your mother loved this. I just gave my mom a sixty dollar gift card to Target. LOL.
Overall, the main problem with the poem is in its formatting. There is so much potential for exceptional rhythm and flow, but it just being line-to-line without any stanzas. . . it makes it boring to look at. Not to read (your love for your mom is beautiful), but boring to look at.
I would put all the lines that start with "I know" in a stanza.
"I can't" and "I don't" in a stanza of it's own.
The rest? I'm not sure, but I feel the last line, "I love my mom", can be on it's own 'cause love is a strong word.
Otherwise, cute poem. I hope you and your mother enjoyed Mother's Day together.
This is really sweet! The word choice is a little immature in some places, but it's really lovely. I hope you read this to your mom, and I'm sure she loved it!
Hello there, Aris! Here is a quick review for you.
What needs Improvement
- First off, the ryhme scheme seems a little all over the place. I suggest making it consistent, or not have ryhming at all. You have after and laughter in the beginning, then a couple lines later, it's say and day, but that's all.
- Second, the word "I" is used a lot in the beginning. Sure, some poems are repetitive, but this kind sort or bothers me. The word "I" is kind of annoying, especially when it starts a sentence many many times in a row. I suggest varying your sentences so they don't all start with I, or make a different repetition line.
- Lack of punctuation. There is literally no punctuation in this whole piece besides apostrophes. Add in a period at the very end, then throw in a couple commas where they are nessacary.
Positive Comments
This is such a sweet poem, and poems for Mother's Day are always loved by Moms, and I think they are so considerate! Many people think of writing poems for Mothers Day, and just do something like
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you!"
But yeah, that kinda gets boring and old, and I think writing your own Mother's Day poem is a more creative idea.
Great job! Keep writing, hope this helps!
WillowPaw1~
Hey Aris
When most of us wrote messages, send pictures or gave flowers to our moms to make her special, you chose to write a poem. Very thoughtful and creative!
The message of love is beautifully conveyed. Congrats on that note
Still, I feel you could bring about a few changes to make it better.
The first eight lines of the poem starts with 'I' which makes it sound too repetitive after a while and tries to snatch the charm of the poem.
This is just my opinion. No offence meant
Keep writing.
Love,
Krish