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Young Writers Society



Closer

by Arin


All right, all. This poem is based on the song, "Closer," by the Corrs. Hope you all like it!

Warmth beneath the ice,
A smile under the frown.
Hidden signs call out to me
To only look closer.

Laughter peeking from solemn eyes,
Joy from the dark mood.
Could there be more to you than I can see
If I only look closer?

Fluidity flowing from tense nervousness,
Calm grace amid chaos.
You beckon me with a smile
To come and look closer.

But what will you see under me,
If I dare come near?
What will it mean, what will we see
If we both look just a little closer?

A bond between two strangers,
A new discovery of life.
Two lives connect in love
Because we looked just a little closer.

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User avatar
233 Reviews

Points: 9739
Reviews: 233

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Sun Sep 28, 2008 4:20 pm
Chirantha wrote a review...



Now this was a great poem. Your use of those words made a great change in the poem. The deep hidden meaning in poem was also great. It was so convincing.

Warmth beneath the ice,
A smile under the frown.

The beggining was just too great. Very well done.

Fluidity flowing from tense nervousness,
Calm grace amid chaos.
You beckon me with a smile
To come and look closer.

Put a comma after 'Calm' and the this stanza was great.

A bond between two strangers,
A new discovery of life.
Two lives connect in love
Because we looked just a little closer.

This was great ending for this poem. But I think it should be 'with love' and at the end it should be 'Because we just looked a little closer.

So, I think this was great. Well done.

And good luck. :D




User avatar
17 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 17

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Sat Sep 27, 2008 10:11 am
aseka wrote a review...



I liked it.It was nice i loved the rhythm.But i saw 1 or 2 mistakes.
But it didn't harm the poem and next time make the poem a bit more realistic.
The poem was catchy and so that's what i think



Hidden signs call out to me,
To only look closer.



You beckon me with a smile,
To come and look closer.




so then that's it.
maby there are more mistakes but that is the mistakes i saw

and i think it was fabulous!!!
hope you continue.

good luck



:wink: :wink: :wink: :lol:




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 12

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Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:14 pm
BrokenSoul wrote a review...



I like it. The picture that it paints is...wow! And the discriptive words are also really nice! I like the
rhythm it has and the beat it keeps and the song it sings! It is very nice and interesting!

Warmth beneath the ice,
A smile under the frown.
Hidden signs call out to me
To only look closer.

The vibe this stansa creates is..........to good for words!It makes you not want to look away from the
poem at all!

A bond between two strangers,
A new discovery of life.
Two lives connect in love
Because we looked just a little closer.

this stansa is the last one and is very good! I wanted to keep reading but there was no more to read!
So very good!Keep it up! :D





“I'd much rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.”
— Carrie Bradshaw