Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

16+ Language Violence Mature Content

EndoB(i)A

by Arete


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

(This symbol # represents a location/time transition.)

Page 1: The Weekend Begins.

It’s afternoon times, and as usual, the sun’s beaming down its glow upon the land. Within the forest, in between its towering trees, is a freeway that stretches in a curve, connecting one distant place to another with its wide reach. The roads are clear, cars seem to not pass through this way very often. Walking along the skirts of the road is alone teenage boy, his name is Percy; he’s holding a note-book and looking it over carefully as he strolls nonchalantly. “I can’t find the square root, this is stupid!” he shouts to himself. And without turning around, he unzips a pouch on the side of his backpack, shoves the notebook inside, then zips it back. “Might as well just fail this test. Not like I have much of a choice though...” he sighs.

The wind picks up a bit, and blows around the hanging bits of Percy’s doo-rag. “Should’ve brought my coat.” he says, shivering while rubbing his hands on his sleeveless shoulders. In the distance, behind Percy, a roaring engine can be heard. Percy glances back “Uh-oh, a fast one!” he smiles, “I’ll see it when it passes.” The roar gets closer, louder, and as it did, sirens and popping sounds began to emerge as well. “What the—”

#

“YOU’LL NEVA CATCH ME ALIVE COPPAS!” a masked man yells from the passenger seat “No, literally.” He grabs onto the roof of the car, pulls half his body out the window, and sits on the seal. “Y’ALL WON’T BE ALIVE!” He reaches his hand inside the car, pulls out an automatic rifle, and unloads a flurry of bullets at the police cars trailing behind. “Bruh, by the way, we runnin’ out of gas.” another masked man, in the driver's seat, says. “WHAT?!” “It’s ‘ight, I got a plan, foo.”

#

“—fuck?” Percy says. A red sports car, being tailed by a dozen police vehicles, speeds down the oncoming lane. In seconds, the sports car passes Percy, all while a garbage bag flies out the window, and smashes right into him. The bag’s impact sends Percy flying right into the forest. “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!?” the masked passenger says. “Bruh, don’t worry.” “What the hell do you mean, ‘don’t worry’, you just threw what I worked for, out the goddamn window!” “Foo, it’ll be okay, stop trippin. I put this shit together.” the masked driver says, then he nonchalantly looks over at the passenger, “I’m the glue!” The passenger grabs the drivers head, and forcefully turns it to the windshield, “Watch the road motha fucka. THE ROAD!”

Page 2: One in a Billion.

# Percy is laid out in the dirt, on his back, with the garbage bag in his lap and his backpack a few feet away. The sun shines through the cracks of leaves up above, sprinkling the forest floor with spots and patches of sunlight scattered all about. His eyes begin to open, and they move left from right, scanning his surroundings. “Ah, my head.” he pulls himself up to a sitting position. “What happened?” he notices the garbage bag in his lap; there opening of the bag has come untied, but the contents inside are still unnoticeable. Percy opens it a bit more and takes a look inside. “No.” his eyes widen, “No way!” his nostrils flare. “MONEY!” birds are startled by the shout, and fly off. “MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!” he chants as he grabs bundles of hundred dollar bills out the bag. Suddenly he freezes up. “I got to get gone.” he throws the money back in the garbage bag, ties it up, jumps to his feet, and bolts off with it unnaturally fast.

#

A front door bursts open “GRANDAD!” Percy yells, then slamming the door shut behind him. “What the— what the hell all that racket for, boy!?” Percy’s grandad, a sixty-something-year-old man, said as he jolts forward in his recliner. “I… I… I...” Percy says while walking over to the living room, where his grandad is. “You. You. You, what boy! Stop stutterin, you sound like a damn retard.” “S… Sorry. But grandad, I found—” “Z! Shows back on.” Percy looks at the T.V, then looks at his grandad, “But grandad!” “SHUT UP BOY! Don’t think you to old for an ass beaten now. Come up in my house hallern like a damn baboon.” Percy sighs. “What you say?!” “I didn’t say nothing.” “That’s what I thought. Now let me watch my show boy.” he throws his hand back, gesturing for him to leave the room. Percy shrugs and walks down into the hallway with the garbage bag.

#

Percy goes into his bedroom, closes the door, then throws the garbage bag on his bed. He looks at the calendar on the wall, “March tenth.” he looks over at the digital clock on his T.V stand, “Three forty-five, PM.” he breathes in deeply. Then exhales thoroughly, “I am going to remember this day, for the rest of my life!” # The sun is setting, and through the cracks of the living rooms blinds all the colors of dusk are coming in this dimly lit room. Percy’s grandad turns the television off with the remote, grabs his white cane on the side of the recliner, then pulls himself up. He slowly walks, guiding himself into the hallway. Percy opens up his door, “Oh, hey, grandad.” “Hm?” he stops. “May I please go out to the mall?” “With whose money?” “Mine.” “HAHAHAHA!” his grandad bursts out into laughter. “Is that right? Well Mr. Banks, you may.” “Thanks.” Percy hugs his grandad, then walks toward the front door. “Percy.” his grandad said. “Yes?” “There’s a few dollas on the counter.” Percy looks over at the cash on the counter, and smiles, “Appreciate it.” his grandad nods, then continues down the hall to his room.

Page 3: Let’s Go Shopping!

# Dusk’s colors gracefully wash over the many assortments of vehicles in the parking lot. The lot’s main attraction and the only building is Edworth’s Mall. Entering from the building’s left wing’s automatic doors is Percy; inside, there are people all around, some going up escalators, some going and exiting different shops, and most of all, people walking about. At the entrance of the left-wing is a map of the mall posted on a wall in the middle of a walkway a few feet from the entrance. Percy approaches it and searches for where shops are according to his location. A group of five girls, coming from the right, are about to pass by Percy, one of the girls glances at him, and he at her. As they pass him by, she smiles, and he does too. They continue on their way, and he goes back to looking at the map. “Barber shop, here I come.” Percy says as he walks around the wall, going toward the escalators. #

“So just the sides?” Hairy barber Joe asks Percy, as he guides him to the barber chair. “Yeah, and y’know, a fresh line.” Percy sits down. Hairy barber Joe throws a black cloth over Percy’s chest, “No doubt little negro. I’ll hook you up!” He starts up the electric clippers. #“Sir, this jersey alone is worth two hundred dollars. You’re trying to buy, sixteen. Are you sure you have enough funds?” said the Employee behind the counter. “I told you already, yes. Now ring up my damn clothes!” #Percy ties the laces up of a basketball shoe on his foot, and examines it for a bit while sitting down. “I’ll take two of each color, and some of those Guppi Sandals as well.” #Percy exits the luxury shoe shop with shopping bags in both his hands, looking like a brand new man. His hair is freshly cut, he’s sporting a fashionable basketball jersey, and it’s all tied together with designer jean shorts, knee socks, and sandals. His stomach growls, “Damn, all this shopping got me hungry.” #Percy walks his tray of food to a booth table in the mall food court. He sits down and begins to chow down.

The same group of girls from earlier are walking past the food court, Percy notices them, ‘There’s Dijonay and her friends again.’ he thinks to himself. Percy then stands up, ‘I gotta get that number. No more pussying out!’ he begins his walk over to the girls, ‘Wait, I need to be cool about this.’ He puts some style in his step, and tilts his head up a bit as he starts to close in. “Yo, Dijonay.” Percy says. The girl that glanced his way earlier, turns around, “Percy?” Dijonay says, looking astonished. “Present.” “Wow. N-Nice clothes.” she swoops her hair out of her face. “O’ these old rags? Thanks. But you look better though.” he smiles, and she smiles back. “Well hey, I see you with your friends, and I don’t wanna intrude. So maybe I can get your number, for another time?” “Sure!” she reaches her hand in her small purse that’s hanging on her shoulder, and takes out a marker, “Do you have something I can write it on?” she says. ‘My heart!’ “My hand.” Percy holds out his palm. She giggles then write her phone number on his inner palm. “D!” a girl from the group calls out to her over at the food court. “Talk to you later.” she says.

Page 4: When it Rains...

# Back at the curved freeway from earlier, it’s dark, and the roads are just as empty as they were during the day. Parked on the side of the road and the forest is a black sedan with its high beams on. “Man I can’t fuckin’ see in this shit!” Rodney, a familiar voiced man said, as he searched around the dirt and trees. “Mothafucka you threw it, so can you can find it too.” Apatchy scoffed, leaning on the sedan as he watches Rodney. “You could least admit my idea was smart tho.” “It wasn’t. Not even a little.” “Cops stopped chasing us tho.” “They stopped chasing, cuz I capped em’ all you idiot.” Apatchy opens the door to the car, and gets inside, “Y’know what, just leave me alone until you find the bag man.” He turns on the radio. “You’re tuned in to: POWER 99! The Jam station.” a deep voice on the radio says. “Waz good err body out there, it’s yo boy, Luda, the man with the hottest tracks.” music starts to fade in under his voice “Speaking of hot tracks, here’s a new one from the boy DJ QUIK! You’z a Gangxta.” “Oh no, It’s ninety-eight y’all.”

#

Rodney walks a bit deeper into the forest, scanning around with his eyes, searching for something. He trips, “AH!” and falls face-first in the dirt. He looks back at what tripped him up, and it's a backpack, “The hell?” he grabs it, unzips it, and looks inside. Apatchy is still chilling in the passenger seat of the car, taking puffs of a joint as the car's speakers bump so loud, the entire car vibrates. He blows out a ring of smoke from his mouth, then giggles a bit. A hand taps his shoulder from outside the car, he flinches back while reaching to the side of his waist. Rodney uses his other hand to turn off the radio, “Bruh, it’s me. Chill.” “WHAT THE FUCK NIGGA!” Apatchy breathes heavily “DON’T BE SNEAKIN’ UP ON ME! Almost got blasted nigga.” “What?” “I was about to pull my g… Never mind. Did you find it?” “No.” Apatchy turns the music back on. Rodeny turns it off, then he grabs something off the roof, and shows it to Apatchy, “I found this.” “A backpack?” “Yeah.” Apatchy turns the radio back on. Rodney turns it off. “I didn’t steal a fucking backpack.” Apatchy says. “I know, bruh. But look.” he pulls something out of the backpack, “I know who took our money.” he says holding up an ID, with Percy’s picture. The clouds roar, then rain pours down. “Get in the car.” Apatchy says with a devilish grin.

#

A front door spontaneously swings open from a forceful kick. # “What the hell?” What the hell?” Percy’s grandad hops out of bed. #Rodney steps inside the house and goes straight through the living room to the hallway. Then Apatchy, armed with a shotgun, makes way behind him. Rodney kicks Percy’s grandad's door in, then he runs in and grabs his grandad by the shirt and holds him up against the wall. Apatchy walks into the room, then cocks the shotgun. “Tell us where Percy is.” Apatchy says. “OR ELSE OLD NIGGA!” Rodney shouts in his face. #A gunshot echoes from within the house, lightning strikes a tree, then more gunshots follow.

(Keep in mind this story, hell even this part of the story, isn't fully complete yet. So grammar errors and some story elements may/will be changed overtime.)


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
336 Reviews


Points: 19975
Reviews: 336

Donate
Fri Jan 24, 2020 2:24 pm
View Likes
Liberty wrote a review...



Hey Arete!

Here to drop of a review as requested some time ago. :3 Let's get started!

So, as soon's I read the title, I was i n t e r e s t e d, to say the least. It sounds interesting! It doesn't really say why this is titled what it's titled in this chapter, but maybe it will soon? Not sure, heh. ^^"

I like how as soon as your reader starts reading, their given an interesting setting. Your description is wonderful, and really caught my attention. And Percy reminds me of me, sort of. xP "This is so stupid!" I hate math as well.

Omg, the money reaction.

Aww, his granddad is kinda different... It's unfortunate that he doesn't care much about Percy. Also, did Percy's bag!! No one noticed!! Tee hee, and the reaction of the thieves is hilarious. I love your dialogue, it seems like something I wold read from a comic book, now that I come to think of it.

Also, quick suggestion before I move on, when you're writing someone's dialogue, I noticed you don't separate it into different paragraphs. It makes it a little less confusing to read, because at one point, I actually thought that Percy was cursing his granddad. x_x

But anyways, the rest of the story seems fine! The plot seems ineresting, and I can't wait to see more works from you. Keep it up, Arete. :)

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




Arete says...


Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it!



User avatar
1292 Reviews


Points: 63782
Reviews: 1292

Donate
Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:44 pm
View Likes
JabberHut wrote a review...



Hello! The title intrigued me, so I had to stop by and see what this was about.

Sadly, I still don't know the mystery behind the title yet, but! I can tell this is seriously action-packed. The first thing I noticed was how well you maintained the culture of your setting. Behaviors and speech patterns were all very consistent while also very easy to read. I commend you for this because it's very hard for some people to portray certain regions or dialects so easily!

The pacing on this was super quick, and I really feel like this could make for a good webseries or webcomics due to its short, quick storytelling. Just food for thought really. It doesn't really dwell on characterization or plot at all and really thrives on its action or the picture, so it just seems like it would fit super well as that format (if you hadn't thought of that already, of course).

I found it funny that Percy forgot his whole backpack. This was super telling in so many ways! It made sense since Percy seems to hate at least math class, though it was very diligent of him to do homework as he walked home from school (I assume anyway). The fact that his grandad didn't notice his backpack was missing tells us how uninterested his grandad is in Percy's life and education, which is so ultimately sad. :( It also never really occurs to Percy later on that his backpack is missing ever, so distracted by the money he found. I imagine he's distracted by the fantasies around being rich so suddenly, and it's very telling how he doesn't even consider the consequences that could potentially follow.

I loooved the scene later on when the two thieves (presumably) interacted over the discovery of the backpack. It made me laugh reading that scene. Your dialogue is just spot-on! A little hard to read since they aren't broken up into their own paragraphs/lines, but the content is fantastic.

I'm also fascinated by Percy's relationship with his grandad. I figured he'd just blurt out what he found since he seemed to be the kind of guy who just did what he wanted and said what was on his mind. I never imagined he'd have some sort of anxiety, so perhaps he was just out of breath? I didn't really understand the stuttering when he tried to speak with his grandad, so I think it makes more sense that he's out of breath than at a loss for words. But this does go into how a little more characterization for Percy could really benefit this story. Knowing who he is without the money and who he is with the money, what his goals before and after the event are, how his perspective on life changes, etc. It could really provide a lot of depth to your main character!

All in all, it's a very intriguing story, and I can tell you enjoyed writing this. You really love your characters, by the way your dialogue flows so well and the culture shows through so clearly. Well done!

Keep writing! :D

Jabber, the One and Only!




Arete says...


Thank you for the review! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed. Also, the title will begin to make more and more sense as you read future chapters. (FYI: The title's i is supposed to be a Greek %u03AF, but special characters don't show correctly in titles. So instead I opted for the enclosed i.)

As for your point on the characterization of characters. I%u2019m purposefully leaving certain things out, as to cover them later on, to reveal more of the character as the story goes on, instead of just having a lot of exposition at the start. I feel if I do it this way, the reader will be more attached to the main story and what the characters are like now first, then later on in the story, show you how they got that way.

Oh, and I think this is probably the most important thing to let you know, because I feel the way I tried to convey it in the story wasn't very clear. Percy's granddad is blind. This is my first time writing a character with this sort of disability, so it was difficult to explain. Hopefully this makes his actions seem a little less harsh.

Again, thank you, reviews like this really help me, and ultimately, help the story! The next chapter will be out pretty soon here, so if you%u2019d like to read more that%u2019s food for thought.



User avatar


Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Fri Dec 06, 2019 2:00 pm
Fallowfern34 says...



I feel that this is a very good start but maybe shorten the chapters a little




User avatar


Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Fri Dec 06, 2019 2:00 pm
View Likes
Fallowfern34 says...



I feel that this is a very good start but maybe shorten the chapters a little. The way you word this makes me wonder if you or someone you know has experienced this stuff before.




Arete says...


Thanks, and for the next chapters I upload I'll probably cut it too two pages instead of four. As for the last part; I wish I did... At least, minus the grandpa part.



User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 17
Reviews: 5

Donate
Fri Dec 06, 2019 12:22 pm
Arete says...






User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 17
Reviews: 5

Donate
Fri Dec 06, 2019 12:22 pm
Arete says...







"Death is cheap, and so is life, but a reputation is not easily recovered."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi