Wild And Young

eldEr

Review

eldEr wrote a review · Tue Jan 07, 2014 8:04 pm

Duuuude, I so have to attempt to review this.

Which will be hard, because I can't make myself find any nitpicks, but here goes, anyway (also because I like you, so).

I definitely agree with Sophiewrites when she said that her favourite lines are:

Young I am still drunk on affection
Fatigue will hit me hard when I'm sober

It's honestly just excellent. And then you continue with said excellency through the entire song. Honestly, the only thing that I found that made me stumble a little was in this verse, which I'm going to talk about more extensively, so I'll quote the entire thing:

Youth is hanging from a butcher's hook
Bystanders can't resist taking a look
On full display like the latest freak
A reminder to never be weak

And this is the laziest, most amateur nitpick ever, but that bold line. The entire song flows really rather beautifully, but something about that line breaks it. I think it's just a matter of syllables (one needs to be added). And I'm still not entirely sure about it, because rests could be added when the song's, you know, actually sung, so *shrugs*. Just going to hang that on the coat rack for further inspection, if you end up feeling that it's necessary.

Now, I read through this for the third time hunting for said nitpicks, and it made me realize that I probably lied at the beginning of the review. That verse is probably my favourite within the whole song. The imagery is awesome. The message (or, what I interpret the message to be, but I assume it's pretty obvious) is also excellent. Summed up pretty much perfectly in a few words.

At the same time, though, you've managed to keep things vague, in a way. I can't decide if there's a hidden meaning here that's not actually very hidden, but finding it, if it wasn't meant to exist, would still be considered "reading too far into things." That being: mental illnesses (such as eating disorders and self harm, and the pressure put on youth and blah blah blah). Or, if it's simply a poem about how youth has been turned into a very specific thing that the youth are supposed to somehow obtain, regardless of how impossible it is.

Anyway. These lyrics are excellent. Very well done, and keep writing.
~Ish

Renard

Review

Renard wrote a review · Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:44 pm

Heggo.
Lil old me again to review.
So....

Youth
Hangs
From
A
Hook - 567ajt is back!!!!!!!!! All the graphic, violent (not so bloody this time) imagery is back and I am love it. I adore the opening here and also the way you have separated each word on its line so it looks like it is aesthetically hanging.

Young I am still drunk on attention - This is one of your best bold statements, and it is very true. The idea of being drunk on attention can be very true to certain people in this generation. I love that you are identifying what is essentially a major fault.
Fatigue will hit me hard when I'm sober - Touche.

It's time to burn and not to fade - someone is going after something here and I love the desire that burns and emanates from this line.
I don't want to go through the pain - you really start evoking sympathy for the narrator now. I don't want them to go through pain either.
Rubbing it like a cloth on a knife wound - interesting simile, makes an intriguing and quite painful image.
The white is red, the pain soothes - this is sort of oxymoronical. Which I love and it is very visual. Very you.

Guess I'm wild and young - the perfect sound of being unsure and blaming things on weak excuses. Me likey.
I'm purging the stomach of love - a very personal line and an interesting analogy of removing the idea of love from oneself.
My fingers purge the stomach of love - furthering the idea of vomiting out love, I think this is something quite original in terms of dealing with a heartbreak/failed relationship etc.
I binge and test the stomach of love - the idea of a 'test' suggests something different altogether. I am interested in the idea of someone pushing themselves to their limits. Cos I think being in love does that, it makes you realise things. -hugs-
I binge I purge I binge I purge I binge I purge - the incessant, alternate repetition is perfect to prove the point about how addictive this behaviour can be and how much it has taken over the life of this person.

AND OUT! - the formatting is the important thing here. The language is simple but effective.
OUT COMES THE LOVE! - again this is atypical. You would think of the love as vomit. As something tangible and also awful, strangely.
OUT! OUT! OUT!!! - which this person really does NOT WANT in their system. As you prove here. XD

Youth is hanging from a butcher's hook - ok so this is dark. And not very hopeful. But bold and makes me think.
Bystanders can't resist taking a look - now this is fantastic. You strike again. There is something very sadistically curious about humanity and the way they are fascinated by brutality. This line is one of my favourites
On full display like the latest freak - no censorship. That's basically it. Whilst I'm at it, I will mention the no holds barred attitude you have in your work, which I love.
A reminder to never be weak - hmmm. How do we make an impact on people? XD Brute force in this case. Accurate, but also disturbing.

Too quick to drop the veil on me - I am presuming this is some sort of curtain, like shielding someone from the truth. Either that or you are referring to the veil between life and death. I found it difficult to interpret this line. I wasn't sure on the context. However...
Let my wounds ring through me - judging by the constant references to pain here, I am going with the death interpretation.
Forcing me to squirm but not for long - concepts of torture and being forced to face pain make this quite uncomfortable to read. And yet...
No blame- "bygones will be bygones" - ...this seems to be the ultimate contradiction. I think you are aiming for irony/sarcasm here. Suggesting that the character would want to let go of this so easily. Either that or they have truly lost their lust for life????

AND OUT!
OUT COMES THE LOVE!
OUT! OUT! OUT!!!

OUT! OUT! OUT! LET IT OUT! DON'T HIDE BABY! LET IT ALL OUT!!!
The fact this is all in caps and you have used exclamations makes it seem all the more violent and quite shocking. Shocking that the narrator hates love so much and is willing to put themselves through more pain and discomfort to get rid of it. Haunting.

I find it really difficult to criticise your work.
There are two things I will pick on here.
Firstly, the lack of punctuation yet again
Also... I would have rated this work as an 18. Not necessarily because of the graphic envisioning of deadly acts, but because of the dark, deep effect it has once you finished reading. I can still see some of those gruesome images in my head. But maybe I just have an overactive imagination? XD
A very very good, dark, dirty work.

Lots of love

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

< 33333333333333

Sophiewrites

Review

Sophiewrites wrote a review · Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:42 pm

Hello! I thought I'd give you a shot review:

I really like the lines ,,Young I am still drunk on attention
Fatigue will hit me hard when I'm sober''
I believe fishing for attention and enjoying every bit,every given drop, is a phenomenon especially visible in today's youth.
The metaphor of binging and purging love is also amazing, I understood it as in the love to eating disorders (point out if i am wrong) and the ,,love'' coming out as in leaving the person struggling with it.
The ending was quite special, I would have enjoyed it more if it wasn't in caps!

Keep up the good work,

-sophiewrites

About the Author

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources