Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
This ain't no petty love song
This is a declaration of lust
For thirst, for want, for pleasure
An ode to the push and the thrust
This ain’t no petty poem
All I want is you behind closed doors
Civilisation a mile away
Bathed in sweat, on all fours
Going up and down and up
Going up and down and up
Going harder and faster and harder
Going harder and faster and harder
I’ve been expecting you
I’ve been waiting for you
I’ve been waiting too long for this
I can’t control myself
Going up and down and up
Going up and down and up
Going harder and faster and harder
Going harder and faster and harder
This ain't no petty love song
This is a declaration of lust
For thirst, for want, for pleasure
An ode to the push and the thrust
This ain’t no pathetic poem
All I want is you on all fours
Civilisation a mile away
Bathed in sweat, pinned down to the floor
Going up and down and up
Going up and down and up
Going harder and faster and harder
Going harder and faster and harder
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day.
First off, when I read that first line, I thought you meant "This ain't know PRETTY love song" and that seemed to fit much better, especially after reading the poem. Petty just doesn't seem to capture it as much as pretty does. But that's just me. It's up to you for what you decide to do.
Civilization is misspelled.
Another big thing with this poem that I wanted was punctuation. Where are the pauses? The breaks? The new lines? The old?
Also, did you intend to put a blank line between the last two? It doesn't match the others, and I don't know if that was intentional or not.
Hope this helps!
Me again!
You have a knack for giving your lyrics and rhythm emotion, and that makes it easier to sing the songs! Very good, too. You've written this well, and it is very descriptive. Love it!
I ... Well, it is written well. And the words are put together well. I don't really know what to say ... but I will say that, once again, I was singing the lyrics
Sage