The Death Puppy

I like the structure of the first three stanzas; you used an interesting cookie-cutter for this poem. The issue that I have with these first stanzas is that I feel like there should be more differentiation between intent, development, and devotion. To accomplish this, I would suggest to either be extremely picky about lines 2-3 in each stanza or add more lines to each of the three stanzas. Though, still digging the structure.

Line 6 - "And development has been fulfilled" This is awkward to me. It almost seems too wordy for the simplistic structure of this poem. Also, development may be too similar to intent, as they are both used in the beginnings of relationships.

Line 9 - "And devotion has paid off" Again, this seems out of place. I feel that "paid off" is too casual for this piece.

Line 10 - "For I cuddle you for a hundred years" I understand the point of this line, but I don't like it. Everyone has used a hundred years to describe something; this brings no change of breath to this stanza. Also, "cuddle you" reads awkwardly. Try adding "with you" and see if it works. Also, there are two for's in this line; to me, it's sordid.

Line 12 - You didn't use any punctuation until this line, why? If you are using this stanza to rebel against the structure of the previous three, why make it subtle? It seems that the comma is forced without a clear volta backing it.

Line 13 - "I wish it lasts for more than just the night" This contradicts line 10 in that a night is shorter than a hundred years. Unless the first few lines in this stanza lead to the last night of the hundred years, I would suggest clarifying times to prevent ambiguity.

The structure of this poem works well, so long as you intend to conclude it appropriately. The fourth stanza needs a face-lift to promise the change in voice that rebels against the structured love of the other stanzas. As of right now, it floats without an anchor. Also, don't forget to work on making each of the first, three stanzas unique: intent, development, and devotion. Thanks for the read. Cheers.

Wassup wassup wassup.
My name is Ossum and this is your review!

Now this kind of poetry is something I love reading because there are not tricks. There is no rhythm or rhymes or hymns or a drowning sensation when it feels to drag on. Works like these are just what they are. The writer saying something that they mean in every sense of the word. Not hidden by the use of thought or mind. Poems like these come from the heart and they are a magnificent piece of work.

So I shall say to keep going and never stop believing in your ability to inspire. As far as technical critique goes I found nothing to bad, little nit picks of y own accord I'll keep to myself. But this was a simple elegance. And that's what I liked about it.

Well done.

.Great! a fabulous work. No rhyme scheme makes this already good poem superb,the first three stanzas are wow!."it was trough development i would be fulfilled",i don't really understand that phrase.The main theme death isn't quite portrayed mostly in the poem as it is supposed to be the center of attraction.If it were possible i would kill you and claim this work,but well that's not possible.So it would be enough if i just say WELL DONE!!!! I believe experience has taught you a lesson,Way to go Buddie!! ..... tgrjku gtryhf hty,jhioifn ngyhkolmhj fuhym ujgkifo ikkholrjjmg iijhlviioh ofojllcoh iiflhpbl; iglb,.vopj; ijkj,v ojkpvbhhv gjgjb uyihkv uiykvki iuy,,fukl ...see am just typing nonsense to show you how i feel,UNBELIEVABLE.