Published July 29, 2011
Eternal sleep...
the suffering ends.
No more fears;
I shall not worry
But how will they react:
happy, sad, petrified?
Not even had a chance
to say goodbye to her
Maybe it's for the best
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,047 Literary Works • 672,399 Reviews
Awww... this piece is really sad.
The fact it is short makes the impact stronger as well, I think. So I like that.
The end line is also very in sync with the first and makes me as the reader think a lot about the awful events surrounding the subject of this piece.
One thing though... surely that end line should have a question mark after it? 'Maybe it's for the best?'
~Bloodink
A good read overall. Let me try my best to review this. Alright:
I take that you're talking of death. You believe there's peace afterwards. And no worries ahead of it.
You're curious about how people will react to your death. And you didn't get to say goodbye to someone.
You hope that it's all for good.
I like the way the poem ends. I like the way there's no line that shouldn't be there. Everything sorta fits in. I would call it a 'tight poem'. And interesting to see that even an agnostic hopes for peace after this short lived life.
A good read overall. Let me try my best to review this. Alright:
I take that you're talking of death. You believe there's peace afterwards. And no worries ahead of it.
You're curious about how people will react to your death. And you didn't get to say goodbye to someone.
You hope that it's all for good.
I like the way the poem ends. I like the way there's no line that shouldn't be there. Everything sorta fits in. I would call it a 'tight poem'. And interesting to see that even an agnostic hopes for peace after this short lived life.
Hi Twinseed
Thanks for reviewing. I am actually an Agnostic, therefore I am in the middle, therefore I am not an atheist. This poem was intended to be really short, because afterall isn't death like that?
I'm going to break this down by what I thought and felt at certain parts of the poem. Ready? Go.
Two words that sum up death very simply for some, those without religion. Which leads me to believe that you either aren't religious or a strong-hearted Atheist? Not important. Why, though? What is the cause of her death? I'd love to hear the story behind that. How necessary were the three dots? In my opinion, it'd flow easier with a semi-colon instead. Still, I liked how this was worded, despite there only being two words.The very first line is where I'll start.
The next line also grabbed my attention and curiosity. Suffering? Perhaps she was poor or abused, or maybe just looking at life the wrong way? I feel about this line as I had about the first, that you should've added more of a story before jumping into death.
I don't understand the next two lines.
Wouldn't it make more sense to write of how you mourned the loss of her or how you're afraid that someone else close to you may do the same thing? I kind of see what you're saying though, that this is over with and all the concern you have of her life is over.
Altogether, the first stanza didn't seem very thought out to me. In truth, it seemed kind of thrown together and didn't flow. However, it is very strong and emotional, which sort of balances it out. Nicely done.
Hmm, I liked this part, but I don't see why you have mostly small, simple words, then toss out "petrified." It's out of place, and is even synonymous with "sad." One more question for these two lines: Why would they be happy? There's no evidence in the poem to suggest that she was a burden.
This sentence is touching, one of the best in the whole poem. It's powerful; but it should read:
Just to make it grammatically correct. Other than that, I have nothing more to say on these two lines.
The second stanza as a whole was a little confusing. It was interesting though, how you wondered what their reactions would be. Personally, I felt a sense of empathy while reading this; putting myself in his place. It was a very emotionally strained piece, adding depth to the poem.
Lastly,
I'm left to assume, as only a reader with no idea what this person's like that just passed away, that she wasn't a very likeable person OR that she was a very tortured person. It leaves me feeling a little empty inside, desperately wanting to know more about her as a person. This last sentence ended the poem well.
As for the poem in its entirety, I enjoyed it. This piece was short and to the point. I feel that you could've displayed how you felt more though, added your own emotions. Perhaps you were devastated? I don't know. This is all just metaphorical however, assuming that you're the same person from the scene.
On a separate note, this is just something that bothered me while reading, you need to add a period to the end of each stanza.
I love this, it's short, simple, but at the same time very complex. There's quite a bit of emotion in this piece, and unlike many poems it has a message that is easy to understand. Bravo!
I am going to give you my own interpretation of the poem. The way I see it that you may disagree with.
I feel that in the first part you are talking about death, and you are even praising it, since it's a way out of suffering, it's a kind of relief. But the question to me is: A relief from what ? what caused you pain as to wish for eternal sleep. Is it the fact of being sick of a love relationship or may be of life. This is what I got as far as the meaning is concerned. As to the the form, I would say that your piece is precise and concise, you succeeded in conveying your message in a brief manner using few powerful words. To sum up I want to say that I do appreciate this simplicity in writing. Simplicity is an essential ingredient of beauty. Your poem is beautiful, both form and meaning.