Oh, it's early days!
Oh, it's happy days!
Oh, it's
It's
Me!
And I am waltzing like a maniac!
With an invisible giraffe named Colin!
At least he listens, unlike all of you 8 trillion people!
And pop!
It's red all over!
Yeah, it's too early to tell!
Oh, it's not so soon to tell!
Maybe too late by this stage!
And the waltz never ends!
My feet are sore!
Master, master! Let me stop!
And pop!
It's red all over!
Oh, it's early days!
Oh, it's happy days!
Oh, it's
It's me! And you! And that fat skeleton!
Alright, I get it, alright, I get it
No need to remind me
About the pop!
And- for Christ's sake Sally-
It's red all over!
Why can't I repeat my dance?!
Because my feet are sore!
Sore sore sore sore like some
Some unchallenged, whiny whore!
And pop!
It's red all over!
Crimson is my new friend!
Old chum, come around for tea!
How do crumpets sound???!!!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,755 Reviews
Interesting. I am not really great at analyzing poems, but I did get the sense of dancing and being red sore from it. Haha Hope that was the message, if not, I am truly sorry for not giving you more constructive crit. Anyway, maybe you can scroll down to my page and give a lady a review. Hope you like romance. Great job!
link: Kiss the Damsel Chapter One
Right.
me again. I am trying to work out what the hell this piece means! On surface level, it's just very random, but you seem like a kinda serious issues guy, so I am gonna look deeper into this at some point. So...
There are a lot of exclamations in this work:
'Yeah, it's too early to tell!
Oh, it's not so soon to tell!
Maybe too late by this stage!
And the waltz never ends!
My feet are sore!
Master, master! Let me stop!'
This kind of creates the impression hat you are going to be shouting the entire way through it. I am not sure if it was your intention to convey this, but it is how it comes across. This is by no means a bad thing. In fact, it works out rather wonderfully given the kind of things you are mentioning in your work:
eg. 'And pop!
It's red all over!'
I took the liberty of having a quick glance through some of your other works, and I must say that blood has a heavy presence. Period. LOL. So yeah... this doesn't detract from the writing at all. Not only is it funny, but it's also rather remarkable. 567ajt - the bloody guy.
(No offence btw)
So overall, this piece is... odd. XD
I am trying to think of a better way to describe it than this but, it just leaves me with questions:
What is the red waltz?
Who are the red folk?
where does this end up?
Is there a narrative?
How heavily is blood involved?
That kind of thing. The idea that it is left open and to personal interpretation and all that jazz is great, but I am seeking a bit more clarification I guess. Hmm
Lemme give this a shot, I'm gonna say that:
'Sore sore sore sore like some
Some unchallenged, whiny whore!'
This is about someone trying to outdo themselves constantly. Maybe they achieved greatness the first time and they're trying to repeat it, but never quite getting there:
'Why can't I repeat my dance?!
Because my feet are sore!'
And then there's the ending which really suggests that the person has given in chasing what they were trying to do and becomes casual again:
'Crimson is my new friend!
Old chum, come around for tea!
How do crumpets sound???!!! '
They are welcoming the blood and nomming on their crumpets.
#odd
This is awesomeness. It's funny, but it also contains serious undertones. Really cool piece here!