Published January 18, 2014
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I paint the canvas red
It reflects the colour of blood
Sinking deep into myself
As I trudge through all this mud
Across the gulf I reign
Across the gulf I am supreme
I'm assembling a squad
I'm assembling a team
We're gonna crash the party like it's nothing
We're gonna deliver truth, no more bluffing
And it's so damn true, it's so goddamn true
That the only thing you want to do is nothing
I slip into a sleep
Which was previously unknown
And in this deepest state
I will make sure the powers are overthrown
And with all fight and might
And with all strength they'll be pushed out
Like a cancerous smear
On existence, it ain't devout
We're gonna crash the party like it's nothing
We're gonna deliver truth, no more bluffing
And it's so damn true, it's so goddamn true
That the only thing you want to do is nothing
I strive for power
So I best be mean
We're gonna crash the party like it's nothing
We're gonna deliver truth, no more bluffing
And it's so damn true, it's so goddamn true
That the only thing you want to do is nothing
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140,900 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
Heyo again! I can't believe you used my name and I didn't review this work. XD Ha ha. Here we go:
Painting and blood are your kind of metaphors. XD
You've got the classic repetition and the kind of war imagery as well.
I don't know who the "we" is, but they are intriguing.
It sounds like the people in this are ill and losing hope and don't want to be helped they're just giving in.
It's interesting that you associate power with being mean. I think most people do. It has connotations. XD I don't know what point you're trying to make here.
But I like it. XD
nice.
some lines are really good.
the lines"We're gonna crash the party like it's nothing
We're gonna deliver truth, no more bluffing
And it's so damn true, it's so goddamn true
That the only thing you want to do is nothing"
are really good,you did a good thing by repeating them twice.
waiting for your next work
if possible try to read my work and give a review.
i appreciate the way you expressed yourself.
i believe you can do a lot more.
best of luck
Hello! I really like these lyrics, they are very powerful without losing sight of their musical intent. I just have a few comments -
1.
I think you meant "best" instead of "bet." I could be wrong but it doesn't really make sense to me.
2. I think the topic/concern of these lyrics could be more clearly stated. I think the main ideas are there but the motivations really aren't. What exactly is this metaphorical "party" you're crashing? Is it the government, society, convention...etc.? In many songs you're able to grasp the concept, or through association one can understand intent. Since I don't really know anything about you, I'm really not able to glean much context about the song. This isn't your fault, it's just one of the problems with connecting artistically over the internet.
3.
For me this line seems kind of forced. Without it's purpose which seems to be rhyming with another line, it kind of confuses me and is awkward. I mean, I guess "cancerous smears" aren't "devout" but the comparison seems weird to me because religion is such a non-sequitur in your piece.
In conclusion, I liked the piece and I can imagine it as being in an appropriately loud and metal-ish style. I could be wrong, but that's just the vibe it's giving off.
Thanks!