Published July 24, 2011
Dripping down my face once more
The hollow eyes, the shallow whore
The wallpaper is crumbling, a motel for sure
Teardrops like rain and bloodlines torn
Sitting on a bed so rusty and torn down
Never forget to pretend to be so proud
Cherish this dump for you are not allowed
To bad mouth this place or they'll take you downtown
They ask questions about who you really are
For thoughts have escalated out of my car
Honesty is not allowed in any rotting part
Of this place where there isn't a good way to start
For what shall I witness upon my frozen eye?
Maybe a glaze at the clock to check the time
Or maybe I could sing a little rhyme
To forget about the reality of losing your life
A begign dictator with a swollen face
Has kept everything at a steady pace
Still are the days of a singular race
Where secrets lie in an unexpected place
Listen to the silence at night
Where are we exposed to the coldest light
Everyday is just another new fight
For staying alive in hands trembling with fright
The past and the future doesn't matter to anyone
It's all about now in the eyes of all thoughts which begun
With a simple idea of peace for everyone
But turned upside down for the benefit of none
Exposure to human nature at the peak of it's truth
The exploitation of summers wasted pondering at youth
Hours wishing to be free from all of the abuse
But only to fantasize that you could make the next move
You can barely ever write things from your own skull
After all the politicians said 'writing is dull'
Picking up a pen and writing sure does break the mould
If justice made us who we are then justice is sold
Libraries gave us power, for them it was the gun
The power to raise violence on just about everyone
This must be their own idea of fun
There must be a reason why it all had begun
The wind that shakes through like bullets in the air
Endless nights of solitude, biting away in despair
All they can do is just stop and stare
In their world there is no such thing as fair
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
'the shallow whore' = harsh! LOL
What a way to delve into a piece?!
Um... question: 'A begign dictator with a swollen face.' A what dictator? Is that supposed to say benign? LOL.
I don't find typos or strange words in your work normally and found this kind of distracting and funny.
Otherwise, your usual dark calibre is maintained and I feel sorry for the whore.
~Bloodink
Dear Non-Rival! I found yet another amazingly written poem where you're the creator!
As you allready know how I feel about punctuation... and that you don't feel the same, I won't comment on that. The structure of the stanza was really good though, and your lines were of good length as most places so even without dots and commas I could work out the rythm and find a flow.

The imagery was amazing, everything feels vivid and I can picture it all play out very well in my head
I enjoyed reading every line of this piece up until;
"After all the politicians said 'writing is dull' " It felt as if you only wrote this to make it rhyme with skull, and I don't know.. maybe this is fictional and the politicians actually said it was dull but I just didn't like it
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Amazing, I really enjoyed reading it an being able to almost see it as it was happening.
It was amazing i loved it nothing i would change. Not really my style so im surprised i liked it. Keep it up ^-^
My computer keeps having seizures I have literally reviewed this like eight times I am spitting anger right now.
Ugh let me try again
the last bit of the sentence is a little too colloquial besides which I doubt that some of these places even have downtowns though I could be wrong of course.
benign
The last three stanzas are perfect I think the first part of the poem was a little slow. I have to keep this short or my computer will do something horrible and delete everything I wrote yet again.
This poem of yours gives me a great idea of the situation/nature of the character. The first half describes a great happening which I love. Then fades to what we as man kind and the power we have. Lovely
Great work.