When I was born into my tribe
All others siblings ran and hide
When I grew up to learn your claims
I knew I made the right decision
To repeat names
To keep fame
Chasing lions in the moonlight
My animal rae face in full gear
For the remainder of yesteryear
Cryptic puzzles still unclear
Where's my means to an end?
Or maybe you would like to practise
Traditions
I used to love?
Hold chasing lions
By the throat as they
Attempt to escape
I still got my animal rae face
Saviour everything you learnt
To give catastrophe what it's worth
No need to waste time with prophecy
We know the end will come
No need to tell time
Need to tell time
Young bearers of the ring
The dancers will have to much to sing
About the winds of everlong winter
Saving woods make for more species
More species mean less prey
And then less species again
Hold chasing lions
By the mouth as they
Attempt to escape
I still got my animal rae face
Hold chasing lions
By the fur as they
Attempt to relive
Events that were coming
Never knew and never came
The isles still strike a pain
You're rigid and look so skint
A new word I just came up with
You're confused trapped in a bubble
Making circles three dimensions
Don't mention my name
Hold chasing lions
By the fur as they
Attempt to escape
I still got my hash pipe
Hold chasing lions
By the throat as they
Attempt to escape
I still got my animal rae face
This is really good, so much imagery and wonderful word choice! I just saw a few mistakes.
In the secound line "others" should maybe be "other".
In the secound stanze "practise" should be "practice".
Then in the 5th stanza (2nd line) should be "too" two 'o's. -->"will have TOO much to..."
In the 8th stanza (2nd line again) not sure if you're missing a word, or maybe you could add an 's' at the end of 'strike'. The 8th stanza actually is the most confusing to me, but maybe that's just me. I really like all the lines with the chasing lions and really love the 1st and 5th stanza especially.
Thanks for posting, glad I read it!
~Alliyah/Ally-wa
This is so good! I honestly don't know what to say about it! I wouldn't change a thing. I have a question though, did you put it to music yet? It sounds like it would be such a cool song.
I love how deep and profound it is. It has so much emotion and so much imagery I can see it all. I love this stanza a lot:
Saviour everything you learnt
To give catastrophe what it's worth
No need to waste time with prophecy
We know the end will come
No need to tell time
Need to tell time
It's really amazing(:
Jesus Christ!
Kid, this is awesome! o_____o Wish I could hear it. But seriously, deep stuff, greatly expressed with something new.
"No need to waste time with prophecy
We know the end will come."
Love that part<3