Young Writers Society

"There is a prayer that is said after the vows." Oh my goodness, that line is stunning! It was such philosophical and poetic weight. I still feel it echoing in my chest. Also, I love the "I keep imagining this:..." format. Both the sentence itself and the repetition show the persistence and pervasiveness of the imagination. I'm just rhapsodizing at this point, but your imagery is also incredible: "A grain field in the season of rain." "Darting through the early morning mist wearing silver heels. I also love how you say "Singing a harvest song, blessing your name." It implied that even the subjects name is as abundant as the earth. Absolutely extrodinairy poem! Sorry, I don't really have anything to critique. - Yellow Sweater

Hello!
This was a lovely poem. It really evoked in me a desire to be in this place, to hear little bells jingling, to feel the morning mist on my skin, to be in a world full of bright, light things and sunshine, where things are growing and there are people who know me. Honestly you've painted such a picture of heaven on Earth, it's going to be tough to find something to critique.
Before I critique though I want to compliment your use of strong, concrete imagery. I feel like I've been beating that drum to death in reviews recently but you've definitely excelled in that area. This poem is a feast for the senses. I also like your use of repetition here with "I keep imagining this."
On to critiques: "dart" seems a bit of a jarring word to me to use with horses. In my brain, rats and weasels and lizards dart. They're close to the ground and can weave in and out quickly. It's as if you used "scuttle" for a horse, it just feels wrong to me. But maybe that's my own weird word associations!

I didn't love the repetition in the poem of the phrase "tree of life" since it feels a little cliche to me and it's already the title of the poem. Not that you can't use it, but using it on the page three times seems like a lot. While I was examining that though, I realized that the phrase appears in the second and penultimate line, which got me wondering if this poem was chiasmic. So I read through it again, and it seemed like basically every other line was chiasmic, and the center point, "through the early morning mist" seemed pretty fitting, although maybe not as fitting as the line about the meridian. Maybe you could consider adjusting the poem slightly to make it a chiasmus? I have a soft spot for poetry forms :]

I don't really have much else for you. This was a lovely poem, thank you for sharing it :]
~Rook

Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review

This poem is absolutely beautiful. Your writing style is incredibly unique, and the way you weave each concept together into a single story is so whimsical and creative. It's very interesting, reading a variety of love poems, because so many people view love in so many different ways. It's clear that love, for you, is beautiful and complex and fantastical.

I keep imagining this: our fingertips touch
and a tree of life branches out,
its roots firmly held by
intengible membranes.

There is a prayer that is said
after the vows,
and before hands can be held.

I keep imagining this: fine white horses
gallop across the meridian
of my vision, darting
through the early morning mist

wearing little silver bells,
the wind caressing its way through
a grainfield in the season of rain,

and a trailing voice
singing a harvest song, blessing your name
and my name, and a branch
sprouting blossoms
in the grand tree of life
named after us.

hey there! It's GirlWithATypeWriter!
Before I get started, just wanted to say that I love your name!
First off, I love the way you've presented the poem. The poem as an image and the font makes it seem like I'm reading it from a 'book of poems, so that builds.
I think @Avis was right about the poem being abstract which to me is but the beauty of poems.
They're beautiful misinterpretations.
I love the imagery used in the poem. The line,
"fine white horses
gallop across the meridian
of my vision, darting
through the early morning mist
wearing silver bells,"
are probably my favorite lines from the piece. I read them about five times and couldn't get the serene image out of my head.
I think,(could be wrong) that this sounds like the thoughts of a young person in love and how he/she/they wishes their relationship blooms. I love the use of the refrain, "I keep imagining this..." because it helps paint distinct images while looping them together in the flow, so well done.
In conclusion, I think you've done a great job with this and would love to see more from you!
Have a good day!
xoxo

Ooh..I love the imagery in the poem.It was so descriptive.I could picture all of this in my mind,like a movie.I also liked the style of the font.The text you used in the poem makes it look like it’s from a page in a book.Reading this poem was short,but sweet.I enjoyed reading this piece.Good job.I hope you have a wonderful and awesome day and night.

Hey, I love this poem, so here's a review!

I'm going to be honest, it was pretty abstract and I don't fully understand it, but it was just beautifully written and emotional.

My interpretation (feel free to tell me I'm wrong lol) is that it's about a wedding/marriage and the "tree of life" is growing from the couple's love. I'm not entirely sure what exactly the tree is intended to represent, whether it is the bond between the couple, or perhaps it's related to the idea of a family tree and how their family can grow into "the grand tree of life."

Now into the sort of deeper analysis/critiques. I love your repetition of the phrase "I keep imagining this:" as it gives me the impression that this is a younger person, maybe in love for the first time and imagining the future they want to build with their partner. It also really adds to the imagery of a fairytale sort of wedding. Speaking of imagery, I *really* love the imagery in this poem. A couple of my favorite example would probably be "our fingertips touch / and a tree of life branches out" at the very beginning, and "the wind caressing its way through a grainfield in the season of rain" (I absolutely adore the word choice here too). I could probably talk about the imagery in most of this, but that would take a while, so just know, I love it! You also use enjambment throughout the poem, which is one of my personal favorites, and I love to see. It really has an incredible effect of drawing the reader along the poem and connecting the lines together. One example of this is in the lines "singing a harvest song, blessing your name / and my name, and a branch / sprouting blossoms." The part with "your name and my name" is one of my absolute favorite parts of this poem.

So I told myself I would critique this too, but I'm honestly struggling finding stuff I don't like. So here's a tiny nitpick that you absolutely ignore. Your use of the word "intangible" in "its roots firmly held by / intangible membranes" just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me (it does sound pretty cool though). It's entirely possible that you chose that word for a reason I just don't realize, so feel free to ignore me, I just thought I would point this out.

Overall, I adored this (if you couldn't tell already). I also really loved the visual presentation of it (nice font choice). Great job, and I hope to see more of your work soon! ^-^