Dreamed of Hell

The story behind this poem is sort of like this:

There's someone (the person telling the story) who is having nightmares , that they call dreams, of really horrible, vicious things. They get progressively worse and worse, varying from the more realistic to the wilder. And at the very end, they've finally sunken into a deep, darkness. They're too afraid to face reality, and call their nightmares 'dreams' because they consider it almost better than reality.
And the last stanza is their final line, where they 'dreamed' that they saw reality.

Archstormangel wrote:Thanks, all of you! I didn't think people would like it this much. :3 I personally feel that this is one of the better poems I've written, but considering my age and general mood, I thought it might feel too dark and fake. Thanks!

With blood on a knife on the shelf

Great poem!
I liked it alot!
Simply awesome!
~Lulu

Oh! I get it now! Thanks for clearing it!
Shanan-cat!

Leja, thank you so much for what you said, and for sharing your opinion.

I'm not going to change this poem because so far I've gotten a lot of positive results about that specific part of the poem, but I still value your comment. ...people care!

And thank you, Betsyy.

omg,
i.love.it =]
its so darkk.
so emotional.
[[just like me]]

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If you enjoyed Archstormangel's "Dreamed of Hell"
check out my poetry.

A quick note: having a poll preface a literary work is not the best way to begin (they're better for non-literary things ^_^).

I don't think that the repetition does anything for this poem. It makes things choppy and deflates the poem's overall purpose. Each time I start a new line, I'm reading about something different, and that makes it hard to value the poem as a unified whole if it, well, isn't unified. "I dreamed..." overwhelms the lines that follow it, and I find myself concentrating more on those words, and not being able to pay attention to anything else. Maybe pick a few images (ones about stories, adventure, and princesses might be a good place to start) and see how you can capture this same sentiment in a more expanded image.

Thanks, all of you! I didn't think people would like it this much. :3 I personally feel that this is one of the better poems I've written, but considering my age and general mood, I thought it might feel too dark and fake. Thanks!

Hey, this is really good, despite the fact I'm not into Dark Poem .
So it's good that i like it!
Means you have turned me to the darkside!

I really liked the repittion to start out.
I thought it was really good.
It had a TON of feeling in it.
Very good.

Thanks, Gahks! I'll work on that!

And what I meant was the 'savior' was filled with doubt. How can I re-word that>? Someone told me to use 'but then,' instead of 'by then,' though I feel the second illustrates more precisely who I referred to.

...ILY.

This is a decently written poem with some great, albeit horrible, imagery. You could improve it further by adding full stops at the end of each second line; the resulting clear, crisp clauses would give restraint to the poem and build it to the chilling conclusion.

I didn't understand what "they found a saviour/But then was filled with doubt" meant. Who was filled with doubt: the narrator or 'they'? This needs to be clearer. Also, this is a passive construction. Get rid of it - turn it around!

"...they found a saviour/
and filled themselves with doubt."

Something like that. See how that's much more direct and straightforward. Active writing is key to producing great writing; it SHOWS the reader what's happening instead of simply TELLING it - it pulls them into the action. I know this is a common ailment amongst writers but eventually with practice you'll shake off the habit.

The piece has great potential. When it works, it works beautifully. Good work.

8/10

Thanks!

Shanan, I meant, in that stanza, that eventually I did look at it. I sort of overcame my fear and gazed at that story and it was like 'HELL LOL'.

Does that not make sense I dunno.

Nicely done. I enjoyed reading it.

I loved it!
But I thought that the fact that you repeated the last and second last stanza was reapeated and it oke away from the poem itself.

Other than that it was extremely good.
Nice job!
Shanan-cat!

Yay! I love positive reviews! :3 Thanks a lot!

I really like this

Why thank you. :3

This was really good.

Thanks! I'll really have to work on this, then.

All righty! Edited it. WDYT?

I really enjoyed that!

I loved all the negatives you used, but it bothers me how you used 'dead/death' so much along with 'bloody' and 'kill'. The theme was nice though and the grammar was spot on.

Not a lot more to add!

Great, keep writing!

~Mark

Thanks!

Kenpachi, the reason I'm rather reluctant to change it to that it because it seems to interrupt the entire flow of the poem. I'll just try to find a way to lengthen the syllables in that sentence.

Good poem. It was nice!

No need to repost. Just edit your original here.

The line:

'I dreamed my dreams were nightmares'

is really more of needless repeating. Unless you want to stress the fact you dreamed your dreams being of nightmares. Which would be rather unusual as you don't usually dream you dream, you just dream. It is more powerful to simply write:

"I dreamed my nightmares"

I am not sure on how you could keep the repetitive line while preserving the original sense. Though if you like it so much, why not just keep it?

Thanks!

I nevre really liked the first few lines, honestly, but I can see where it bothers you. Thanks. I'll edit it and repost.

I rather would like to keep the line that goes 'I dreamed my dreams were nightmares', though. Or at least, the general idea- any hints as to how I can do that?

I dreamed of love, once - (Good)
The loved one killed herself ('loved one' sounds awkward)
I dreamed of Princesses (Princesses....how about single? Mr. Lech)
They were dead, a knife on a shelf (Last part is awkward)
I dreamed of an adventure
And an angel fell from a tower
I dreamed of a friendship
One was dead, within the hour
I dreamed of an old maiden
Her eyes were half-gouged out (what!?)
I dreamed they found a savior
By then, was filled with doubt (But then*)
I dreamed my dreams were nightmares (lose 'dreams were')
And secrets I'd never told
I dreamed my life was nothing,
No love, no light to hold
I dreamed of a story,
That I could never tell
I dreamed that if I looked at it
I'd see the bloody hell
And then I dreamed a dream -
Purely, solely Hell

It was good, but you changed form towards the end and the beginning needed some work. Overall it was very good and simple at the same time.