12+ Violence

The Night I lit the sky on fire

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DON’T” screamed the Mongol captain. One single word. One single motive: to stay alive. The

lantern swung loosely in my hand. The poor man behind me coughed on the gunpowder and another stream of tears came from his eyes. His sobs stung my ears like needles, but I could not blame him, for his life swung in my hand along with the three cowering Mongols who desperately were trying to slowly open the door behind them, but it was blocked by a huge crate of gunpowder. The same gunpowder that I had covered this deck with, the same gunpowder that one spark would set off. One flame. One Lantern. And I opened my palm to let the fire fall.

….

It was a warm summer day, the sun bathed the meadow in a glowing light. It was a warm blanket that soothed the mind and body. I hated it. I stood up and walked over to the window I had opened. I was tempted to yell at the children who were in the afternoon sun, but I contained myself, knowing that if not for my studies I would be enjoying this warm season as well. I simply closed the window of my small house and went back to my torture, or at least that's what it felt like. How long had I been surrounded by the musty smell of old books, my eyes passing over page after page of Chinese literature, trying to learn their history, math and beliefs? The most interesting thing I found was Confucianism, a belief about respect that persisted throughout such a disrespectful time of the Mongols in power, conquering lands that surrounded them. Confucianism has five main relationships: father to son, husband to wife, ruler to ruled, older brother to younger brother, and friend to friend. In all of these relationships, except friend to friend, there was a ruling power and if given the respect by the lower power they would show the same respect back. I had even heard many quotes from the man who started Confucianism, Confucius. He once said, “Life is simple but man makes it complicated.” Three of my cousins were already on their way to be educators under the Yuan dynasty and I still lived in an old broken down shack on the outside of Yuni with no wives and a low paying job. All I had was enough money to pay for my food and land. The books I read were borrowed from the library and friends.

Suddenly I was aroused from my thoughts by the sound of knuckles hitting wood. “AKI IMURA!” A loud, male voice flooded my small living space. I hesitated, not sure what to say. No one had ever knocked on my door other than family and a small boy asking for his ball that had fallen onto my roof. Suddenly another voice came from behind my small wooden door, a much quieter and less threatening voice, “He must not be home, Sir”.

Finally my curiosity got the better of my judgement and I stood up to answer the door. When my hand reached the knob I looked through a crack in the long sticks that made up my door. What I saw were two men dressed in red clothing and armor: traditional Mongolian attire. “He-hello,” I stammered.

The voice that had spoken first said “Are you Aki Shou Long?”.

“Ye-yes” I stammered once more.

I tried to fill myself with the courage I did not have.

“Yes, my name is Aki Shou Long,” I said my name as if it gave pride.

“We heard you were readying yourself to take the Imperial examination.” said the second mongol. Once again I agreed shakily to the red clad warrior’s question. He nodded his head to the other Mongol.

“Follow us,” said the first Mongol. “We are desperate for those who can can read and write to join our government.”

What an opportunity. I could only bite my tongue and nod to keep me from bursting with excitement.

….

We rode in a small trading boat along one of the trading routes between Japan and road, passing by hundreds of carts full of gunpowder, tea and other assorted luxuries. I was riding with the two Mongols who steered the boat and three other educated men who were offered a chance to attempt a spot in the Mongolian government. The only belongings I had brought were the clothes on my body, my small amount of money and the necklace my cousin had sent to me when he left. We sailed along the Sea of Japan for about six days before reaching our new home.

The first thing we all did when we reached land was eat. The Mongols went off to the fanciest of restaurants and simply demanded food from the Chinese inhabitants. The other scholars and I parted ways and headed on our own paths, knowing that we would meet again at the palace as the two Mongols had instructed. As I walked into a restaurant I was only met with glares and mutters of “Foreigners.” After finishing my rice, a ball of mud flew past me and I heard some kid say, “Keep off our land, villain.”

The next day after walking to the palace, I was let in by a Mongol guard who I had recently seen shoving away and insulting a group of Chinese people who lived in this town. I walked into a large room with about 20 test takers sitting on cushions and writing on pieces of paper with ink pens. As I answered the questions on the piece of paper they handed me, I thought about what the Mongols seemed to be doing, not letting the Chinese rule their own country, shoving them and ordering them around. This was not the Mongols country, I finally realized. As I handed back my test I knew I no longer wanted the Mongols to prosper. They had been misusing Confucianism to keep themselves in power even when they had no education. The next day I was assigned a city and was going to travel there in the following week on a trade ship, a trade ship full of gunpowder.

Comments & reviews · 4
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OvrweghtNarwhal Comment

You have an eye catching title which hooks the readers I like that And the whole story was detailed and amazing I really liked that Yeah like Logan said just work on punctuation

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LoganH Review
LoganH wrote a review · Mon Mar 14, 2016 8:49 pm

I wonder if you could double check punctuation for example "DON’T” screamed the Mongol captain. One single word. One single motive: to stay alive. The

lantern swung loosely in my hand." Isn't spaced correctly.

There is also historical contradiction. As an Example "“We heard you were readying yourself to take the Imperial examination.” said the second mongol. Once again I agreed shakily to the red clad warrior’s question. He nodded his head to the other Mongol." The Mongols dropped imperial examination, and instead replaced it with trusted people from other countries.

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English Review
English wrote a review · Fri Mar 11, 2016 3:11 am

I like the plot and the character, Aki Shou Long. I respect that he decided not to help the Mongols because they were mistreating the Chinese.
I thought it was interesting that you added historical content in the story. I found that the story teaches you about confucianism and the mongols. In the story, you used a lot of show not tell, especially in the second paragraph when describing the day.

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lilbean Comment

I liked the story a lot it good. I wonder if you could have broken the paragraphs into smaller pieces. Also the historical content was great. I think overall you did well on the story.



When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann