Dear Grandfather,
I could not ask for more,
You taught me how to think,
You taught me how to conquer,
You helped me when I was in trouble,
When all other doors were shut
Father told me about tomorrow,
Mother counselled me on today,
But you excited me about yesterday,
Which others did not favour
You let your seeds take rise,
You built up the family foundation,
You let your seeds take control,
And they never failed to please you
We took you to see the world,
We took you to see your grandchildren conquer,
We brought your vision and dreams to life
This last moment you spent with us,
You lit the last lamps,
You laughed the last celebrations,
You put wisdom through us for the future
You bid farewell with your last prayers,
You bid farewell to your seeds,
You bid farewell to thy loving wife,
And take flight once and for all
He is now god,
What more could he ask for?
Why shall he live with ageing pain,
When elysium awaits his most pure,
His seedlings now bear the scepter,
To continue to lead this family,
Through the alien portal,
To this day he remains alive in memory,
I switch on the '70s radio set,
Listening to the sounds adored by he,
Now a supreme lord
If there be any regret by our side,
It be a heartfelt "Thank You"
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hey there !
I really think this is a heartfelt and powerful poem; of which , I can definitely empathise with. Your use of language is really effective - like when you said "excited me about yesterday" - that brought lots of imagery in my mind of the past.. Also,I think you know you've got a good poem when it can cause the reader feel things ! And I felt emotions thinking back to when my Grandad was around so - your poem's got effect! Well done- very creative!
Thank you for your review!
Heya, Aravund!!
This is Eros here to review this sweet and wonderful poem!!
It was a sweet poem full of eemotions. I liked your way of giving respect and love to your grandfather. Beautiful words and wonderful sentences. Loved this piece.
The flow of the poem is very smooth. But as @DivergentDemigod says below, split the poem into stanzas.
It was overall, a Great poem! AWESOME work, Aravind!
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such awesome works lke this one!!
Have a gret day/evening!
hey Aravind! DDemi here to review you work,
but again it is your poem and your choice, but i strongly suggest you do it
well what can i say this was really sweet, bitter-sweet being more prominent here.
I really appreciate the sentiment you put behind this poem, really it touched me.
now about the reviewing....lets make this neat and organised, shall we?...here you go!
TITLE
The tittle was just perfect since this poem is like a dedication to your beloved grandfather. And is this a co-incidence or did you intentionally post it on Father's day? But in any case i'm sure your grandpa would have been really proud of you and these wise words that you wrote for him. I'm sure if there is an after-life or heaven atall, he would for sure would be smiling down at you right now.
THEME
well i already told you this was a sweet sentimental poem. I apreciate your efforts at trying and giving your gram a eulogy sort of thing.
STANZAS
i think if you divide your poem into stanzas, it will make it better. Cuz presentation is a big thing right? if you r giving a test or having a ppt setion or even r going to some wedding or party the first impression you give on someone is by the way you present yourself. and i think if you will divde this poem into stanzas it will be better...
Spoiler
GRAMMAR/OTHER STUFF
there wasnt any problem with it...
you grammar was perfect
your puncuation was perfect
and seriosly there aint something else which i would say wasnt perfect.
i really like the way you use "thy" instead of "your".
so yeah good work bud!
keep it up!
~DivergentDemigod
Thanks for your continuous support