Depression is a bitter candy,
It shall not bring you joy,
It shall not let any emotive.
It shall however pierce your heart,
And let the heart weep inside.
They shall not tell why,
For the candy possesses the inner soul.
The same source of laughter,
Now the source of pain,
The people once called as family,
Now your privacy invaders,
The people once called friends,
Now brew your anger.
Everyday they be contemplating life,
Wondering how they entered hell alive,
Just the thought of the very incident,
Shall let the candy pierce right through.
It be hard to destroy the bitter candy,
For candy be like addiction,
Only this time it is ghostly possession.
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Hello there!
This, I feel, was a very different view on depression than what I've seen in a while. Usually something as melancholy as depression is symbolized by darkness or something destructive. But instead you use something completely unexpected by almost any reader. I don't think you'd normally see something with such a negative connotation as depression, with something with such an automatically positive one like candy. Yet you make it work with such great descriptive language. it almost gives off a "Dream Differed" by Langston Hughes vibe, using something like a sugary sweet and making you disgusted by it. I feel like even if a person who had no idea what depression was before reading this read this, I think they would still be able to understand what you are describing without needing the whole concept of depression explained to them.
I find this to be a very creative and original piece or poetry. I'm so glad that you decided to share this with us. Never hesitate to share any of your writing!
Hello there!
This, I feel, was a very different view on depression than what I've seen in a while. Usually something as melancholy as depression is symbolized by darkness or something destructive. But instead you use something completely unexpected by almost any reader. I don't think you'd normally see something with such a negative connotation as depression, with something with such an automatically positive one like candy. Yet you make it work with such great descriptive language. it almost gives off a "Dream Differed" by Langston Hughes vibe, using something like a sugary sweet and making you disgusted by it. I feel like even if a person who had no idea what depression was before reading this read this, I think they would still be able to understand what you are describing without needing the whole concept of depression explained to them.
I find this to be a very creative and original piece or poetry. I'm so glad that you decided to share this with us. Never hesitate to share any of your writing!
Hi Aravind, acm here for a review!
I really liked the ideas of this piece, because I would have never thought of comparing depression to bitter candy. I can see the metaphor too-- something that used to be sweet has now been turned bitter, but I think that got a bit lost in the poem.
In these lines, the bitter candy is described as actually being depression, whereas the next six lines compare what is happening to someone who is depressed. The first seven lines seem to say that bitter candy is like depression, when the next six say that candy turning bitter is like what happens in depression. My suggestion is to change the first seven lines slightly so they don't contradict the rest of the poem.
Another suggestion is to emphasize the bitter candy metaphor a bit more. I just didn't see how it all fit together. For example, in this line:
This line is saying that it can be hard to destroy depression, but how does that relate to candy? Describe the candy as having a bitter taste that will not come out or something like that.
Now, I just have a few nitpicks in the grammar of the poem. I'll put my suggested corrections in bold.
I hope I didn't sound to harsh in my review, because I really liked the poem. Just work on those things and it will be perfect!
--acm