Published November 22, 2008
At the end of the day
when the worlds up and gone away
I curl up and cry wanting to die
asking God why?
swear I can feel you beside me
throughout the day
memories of you keep me at bay
I keep thinking its gonna be all right
Bound to be okay
hurts everywhere
it's a never ending nightmare
none of this is real
want to wake up
enough is enough
don't want to know you're gone
all of this is wrong
you want me to go on living
but not without you
you're always a part of me
though I cant see you beside me
even after death do us part
it'll be you who has my heart…
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141,441 Literary Works • 674,455 Reviews
I loved the passion you put into this poem, especially towards the end. It might just be me, but the rhyme scheme in your opening lines didn't flow didn't seem to flow with the rest of the poem that well. Other than that, this is some really good work!
Very good! It has a good flow, eve n if it sounds a bit monotonous. I didn't find any mistakes, but still something could slip.
I could see the feelings but you didn't developed it the better way. Maybe you should consider to put in a little more feeling into it, make it more complex.
Anyway, I liked it! Keep up the good work!