Published February 23, 2006
The day is wierd it seems. I feel as if I am in a dream.During math I feel as though I'm on a different path.I get detention. at least it won't be suspension.I go on a date.the boy is second-rate. He talks like a punk,oops we are past curfew,man am I sunk
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This was not so good. You need more detail. As xanthan gum said, 'tis "weird", not "wierd". This wasn't very good formatting, either. Try a new line every sentence, every few syllables, or whatever you choose. If you are going to keep a rhyming scheme, keep it consistant. Of course, you might have, but I couldn't tell because you didn't make lines. Don't make it so choppy, either. Try not having so many periods, and use more commas instead. It will flow better that way. If you want to use this idea of a weird or bad day, definitely use more detail and possibly examples.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
-*-*--Diana--*-*-
wierd = W-E-I-R-D
add line breaks.
also, although this poem is cute, i urge you to tackle something more prominent and less like a second grade love letter in quality, and better than a daily schedule and context.