Published April 18, 2006
I shout, but none will hear me.
I scream but none care.
Is it possible, can they see, how miserable life can be?
I scream I shout! Please, let me out!
No more bars of the mind.
No more feeling blind.
No more worring at night,
No more dealing with fright.
I want out can't you see?
I feel like a bird in a cage, desperete to escape,
To fly home to its tree.
Please let me out, I promise I won't shout.
I promise to obey everything you say.
Just let me out!
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141,364 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
This was far too repetitive. You could've had summed all this up in one line - basically it was the same thing over and over again with various but not too different views. Please try to expand more.
It seemed very repetitive, but good job overall
Firstly;
This line was very weak.
Overall, i didn't feel any real deep emotion or see any in depth imagery in this poem. And with this subject matter i think these techniques are essential.
I think this needs to be developed.
I don't mean this as malicious, but I found the poem to be very cliche and trite. First of all, the concept of a "trapped mind" is not a new one, at all. Every line consisted of some overdone cliche, and by the end of the poem there wasn't even any new significant revelation that would have made it worthwhile. I think you can take the idea of a trapped mind and do a lot, lot more with it, if you just take some thoughtful time.
I must disagree with David. The poem has no substance. Every line repeats itself. We can summarize the poem in one line: "I am shouting in agony because I want to escape, but people ignore me." This is not a particularly fascinating concept. What is the person struggling with? That's the key quesytion that needs to be answered. You can still retain mystery in your poem when you answer thi question. The answer doesn't have to be a specific incident, but as it stands now, the poem is simply about someone whining. Now, the person may have a good reason to whine, but we the audience do not know that. Give your poem a backbone and the flesh will fall around it.
Good poem. It's easy to hear the voice of the speaker.