A Psalm of Joy

I was running, seeking someone who would care.
I was frightened, I was scared, yet you were always there.
You gave me hope, you gave me peace.
At last, there was an end to my grief.
I am saved, because I was redeemed.
The gift that you gave me is better than a dream.
I trust in you, for you give me strength.
And I give you my all, though it is not worth much.
Let all the world know of your healing touch.

Comments & reviews · 3
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emotion_less
Review

The most trouble I ran across this poem was reading it. The rhythm was slightly off, so it was hard to read with flow. Some lines I stumbled over because I was mentally trying to keep that rhythm going. I think if you reworded the lines a bit it would sound nicer.

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Firestarter
Comment

Commas in the middle on lines irk me. It disrupts the flow and makes me feel like you want me to pause. Unless they're grammatically needed, remove them.

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xanthan gum
Review

i can see you were trying to uphold the rhyming pattern, but many of these do not "rhyme":

You gave me hope, you gave me peace.
At last, there was an end to my grief.
I am saved, because I was redeemed.
The gift that you gave me is better than a dream.
I trust in you, for you give me strength.

all of these end unsuredly.

otherwise, the poem itself was good. it just didn't...rhyme, which is okay, but i don't think this was supposed to be freeverse.



I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!
— Feltrix