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Young Writers Society



A Psalm of Joy

by Araidne


I was running, seeking someone who would care.
I was frightened, I was scared, yet you were always there.
You gave me hope, you gave me peace.
At last, there was an end to my grief.
I am saved, because I was redeemed.
The gift that you gave me is better than a dream.
I trust in you, for you give me strength.
And I give you my all, though it is not worth much.
Let all the world know of your healing touch.


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Thu Apr 06, 2006 11:51 pm
emotion_less wrote a review...



The most trouble I ran across this poem was reading it. The rhythm was slightly off, so it was hard to read with flow. Some lines I stumbled over because I was mentally trying to keep that rhythm going. I think if you reworded the lines a bit it would sound nicer.




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Thu Apr 06, 2006 11:20 pm
Firestarter says...



Commas in the middle on lines irk me. It disrupts the flow and makes me feel like you want me to pause. Unless they're grammatically needed, remove them.




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Thu Apr 06, 2006 10:09 pm
xanthan gum wrote a review...



i can see you were trying to uphold the rhyming pattern, but many of these do not "rhyme":

You gave me hope, you gave me peace.
At last, there was an end to my grief.
I am saved, because I was redeemed.
The gift that you gave me is better than a dream.
I trust in you, for you give me strength.

all of these end unsuredly.

otherwise, the poem itself was good. it just didn't...rhyme, which is okay, but i don't think this was supposed to be freeverse.





What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!
— William Shakespeare