Published April 6, 2006
I was running, seeking someone who would care.
I was frightened, I was scared, yet you were always there.
You gave me hope, you gave me peace.
At last, there was an end to my grief.
I am saved, because I was redeemed.
The gift that you gave me is better than a dream.
I trust in you, for you give me strength.
And I give you my all, though it is not worth much.
Let all the world know of your healing touch.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,409 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
The most trouble I ran across this poem was reading it. The rhythm was slightly off, so it was hard to read with flow. Some lines I stumbled over because I was mentally trying to keep that rhythm going. I think if you reworded the lines a bit it would sound nicer.
Commas in the middle on lines irk me. It disrupts the flow and makes me feel like you want me to pause. Unless they're grammatically needed, remove them.
i can see you were trying to uphold the rhyming pattern, but many of these do not "rhyme":
all of these end unsuredly.
otherwise, the poem itself was good. it just didn't...rhyme, which is okay, but i don't think this was supposed to be freeverse.