Can't do as much description of alien races yet, that's in a couple more parts. I'll try and do more. Sorry for the short chapter. Note: Holoproj is slang for Holoprojector.
I stood up shakily, hand on my chest. Melding into the threads that described how I saw the Force, I looked down every thread, searching for a clue. Then it came. All I knew for certain, was that whatever the pain had been caused by was not yet done, but I would feel no more than pangs of despair with whatever events.
I walked towards the seceratary's desk.
"Cancel any appointment I had with the Prime Minister. Give him my deepest sympaties, but... an issue has come up." I said to him.
"But, sir..." he replied, a bit uncertain.
"This is Jedi business, you need no other explanation." I said curtly.
"Bu- Of course, Master Jedi." he replied.
I turned to leave, as his business-class comlink chirped. He made the connection to his console, and read the text. To my suprise, he called to me.
"Master Narin... it's your group. They need you back at the ship. There's nothing else."
I wondered about this for a moment, then put it aside, still consumed with curiosity about that pain in the Force. I shuffled into the city streets, melting into the crowd. I made for my ship.
But it was quite pointless. My little group of troops were standing in the crowd of humaniods. I shifted my position in the crowd, so that its flow would carry me to them.
I approached, then saw Darin's tiny holoproj light up. A hooded man said to him that fatal phrase, that made me shudder even years later.
"Execute Order Sixty-Six."
And I suddenly knew where that Force-pain had come from.
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140,556 Literary Works • 673,434 Reviews
Hello there. I too enjoyed reading this part.
The one error I wanted to point out was that in dialog,
usually you want to use a comma after the spoken phrase.
"This is Jedi business. You need no other explanation," I said.
Do you see what I meant? This little rule makes dialog that much
easier to read.
I'm a star wars fan, though not so much of the whole Jedi slaughter in ep.3, but I saw it and found it interesting. Though short, it was suspenseful, and I would've read more.
Just wanted to say- really like this part.I think it would sound more curt (is that right?) or at least more appropriate to have 'This is Jedi business. You...'
Other than that, I didn't see anything awkward- it was well-written.
Hmm. Interesting. Now, I'm not much as Starwars fanatic, but this intrigues me, makes me itch for more. I like the descriptions and the suspense. It really snared my attention. I really can't tell you anything wrong with it; I saw perfect grammar and spelling throughout. But I will say this - write more and let me know when you post it.