Prologue
In the world of Creamag is like a world where Pokémon do exists. This world of course is not a world inside our Solar System. Instead this world is 30 light years away in the Galaxies of Equstious. The world of Creamag is acutely on one planet named Cremag and a satellite that revolves around it called Puldo. They are connected by a magical tunnel. Which is believe that space bends around there. After a couple thousand years the people on Cremag polluted the planet, the sky filled with poisonous gas, the water either acidic or basic, and with acid rain raining down all the time. The whole planet became a dead planet, Cremag which are Pokémon like creatures there are either dead or mutated. Some of the people managed to escape from Cremag to Puldo. And then the tunnel was closed… After two thousand years, Puldo is a very clean planet with the peoples and the Creamag living happily for two thousand years until now…
A strange things is going on in Puldo, cities are mysteriously been turned into deserts, and investigators were never returned. And it might very well be just a beginning of a huge complex conspiracy.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well..this seems like a pretty neat little piece here, although I don't quite think that I can call this one a prologue here, it almost seems to be a bit of a blurb or synopsis there towards the end. The first bit seems to fit for a prologue but the two of them together are kinda in between here at the moment.
Anyway moving past that, the premise that's contained within this is certainly pretty intriguing, I generally love most things to do with space anyway, and this looks to be one of the more interesting scenarios I've run into here. It appears we have some sort of pretty large scale disaster occurring on this planet here and it appears that all its inhabitants end up affected by said disaster in all sorts of quite crazy ways which is already pretty intriguing there.
And then of course there's that last paragraph there which seems to suggest there's even more to things going on here, and well that just makes it the icing on the cake here. All in all, this comes together to make for a pretty awesome start here, and I certainly really enjoyed this piece here. It definitely seems like the sort of story that I would read.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello!
This prologue is very straight and to the point in it's narrative. I personally find that prologues capture a reader's attention most if something really HAPPENS in it, rather than just a string of descriptions. The descriptions are very interesting, even for one who is not completely educated of Pokémon, I'm just not sure the prologue is the best place to put them.
There were a few grammatical/structural edits I would make. The first sentence is a little wonky. I would suggest omitting the 'in' and just making it "The world of Creamag is like a world where Pokémon do exist." Or something to that nature. Or if you want to keep the in, perhaps simplifying it to "In the world of Creamag, Pokémon do exist." Up to you.
Later on, the sentence : "Which is believe that space bends around there" might be smoother if altered it to something along the lines of "It is believed that space bends around there". It just reads easier.
"and with acid rain raining down all the time" Rain raining is redundant. "Acid raining down" is adequate, or reword "raining" to pouring or coming or something. The sentence after should either have an 'and' before Cremag, or split into two sentences.
"with the peoples and the Creamag" Should be people, not peoples. Same in 'A strange things is going on in Puldo'. Should be thing, or just Strange things without the 'a'.
All these are just to make the reader not have to work as hard. I enjoyed this and encourage you to keep writing
Shadowolf here
So this is quiet a short prologue, but seeing as how that's what it is, its not too big a problem. The main thing I'm going to stress for you, is detail. too much is bad too little is bad-try and add a bit more detail since it is a prologue, its all for drawing the reader in while giving information you don't wanna have to give later on.
"Creamag is acutely on one" Acutely seems an odd usage of word here, should it be actually? If not i would suggest possibly rewording the sentence or changing the word.
"planet with the peoples" There should be no 's' on people.
That's all I could find, and while this was a wee bit short, I hope the next one is longer. You will continue this right? If so, feel free to message me when the next comes out and I will give a read and a review
By the way this is my first novel, so I am expecting some kinds of suggestions.
Chapter One incoming in 2days