Published December 31, 2010
Love is blind,
And has no mind,
To think of any greed,
It is one which is in every breed,
I believe this,
Without any miss,
Because my parents started loving me before they saw me.
A huge figure came,
From some unknown name,
To hold me in her arms,
And brought me near her charms,
She held me warm,
Like I was a heavenly form,
Actually she is.
Then a kiss on my face,
Softer than a bread,
And put me high in the air,
As if there was a fair,
That was my father.
Who has always been as a sepal,
He protected me from the world outside.
How can I ever thank them?
Of my life they are the true gem.
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Hey! This could be a great poem but it needs a bit of tweaking. I think the main problem is that some of it is worded awkwardly. It seems like in places you changed the words around to make it rhyme, which is great if it still makes sense, but sometimes it just doesn't sound quite right. I think you need to read it out loud and see which parts interrupt the flow. And don't compromise on grammar for the sake of sticking to a rhyming scheme. The image of bread also seems a bit out of place. Not bad though, it just needs a bit of reworking.
This was a very good poem. I could visualize every part.
I was a little confused at this part
Other then that it was an awesome poem. Good job and keep writing
Okay, I'm sorry if I sounded mean throughout reviewing this, but I was just not too impressed by it. I was confused the whole time and nothing made sense. It seemed you were making up word meanings just so then you would have a rhyme. Again, I'm sorry, but this needs a lot of work.