Published August 21, 2011
She had been crying all night
But, never let him know.
She had been thinking of him all day
But, never let him know.
She feared losing him
But, never let him know.
She was jealous of every girl he knew
But, never let him know.
She had been pretending that he’s near at all times
But, never let him know.
Whenever he’d say “I love you”, she felt heavenly
But, never let him know.
All she did was to
Look into his eyes and say, “I love you, too”.
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Canary word: Present
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138,393 Literary Works • 672,114 Reviews
Well done. I love it
hi.. I really liked your piece.. It was very well written. The only thing i didn't like was the repetition.. it was a good line but i personally didn't find it that good.. but different people different opinions.. Some might like it.. Otherwise I couldn't find anything that the reviewer before me hasn't mentioned..
Good job..
Harshita:)
Hi there!
My corrections/comments are in red below:
Overall this is a great love poem. You put great emotion into this and you have good imagery as well. I like the repetition or the phrase 'But, never let him know'. It adds to the rhythm and flow of the piece.
One big thing I have to mention, though, is the fact that you used past tense in the first line and present tense in the repeating line. It goes on like that for the whole poem. Now usually, when I review poetry I stick to how the poem sounds, but this really caught my eye. Maybe you could change the repeating line to: 'But he never knew'? I don't know, I'm just throwing a suggestion out there. I hope this wasn't too confusing.
Overall this is a good poem. Keep writing!