She just stood there, looking at the trees. There were different kinds of them, arranged in a disorderly row. Each of their fading green leaves made different patterns in the sky.
She walked slowly basking in the peace of the moment and took the slight risk of glancing over at the big blue building on to her side. There wasn’t much of noise out there, where she was strolling. But as each step she took neared the building, the noise grew until it became the shrill buzz of over hundreds of people talking at once.
It wasn’t exactly surprising, seeing that it was a high school filled with chatty teens trying to express whatever was in their mind before something else came up and the words were left unuttered. She knew how it felt to be like that. To be like them.
But somewhere along her twisted path, things had changed.
She couldn’t feel the peace they felt when they talked to each other or when they expressed themselves, when she did the same. She had to search for places like the back of her school’s large auditorium to find that peace.
The childlike curiosity of what others thought of you, which sparked up the desire to speak had gotten lost on her journey to the present. Speech was no longer silver. And Silence was too golden.
To be a child had been a solace in itself. Adults often looked up to children for their own. And now she was neither a child nor an adult.
And she had to search for her solace amongst the leaves of different trees or the few moments of precious silence gifted to her for the day.
And as each day took her closer to being something she could recognise, the search for solace seemed to get dearer. Because, as each day flew by she started to see the solace in fleeting moments of her life, which had been considered insignificant by her counterpart of the past.
And now, as the remnants of the recess bell echoed through her ears, she felt the few seconds of bitter-sweet longing surge through her as the noise grew louder and her footsteps faster.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hi there!
One thing I love about short stories is how you can mold them to be whatever you want them to be. There's still that "basic outline" people expect to see, but there is definitely that freedom to be different and branch out. That's what I find interesting with your piece here. It's much shorter than shorts usually are and it doesn't focus so much on the character, more of the experience she's going through. It really makes the reader think rather than just want to read to get to the end. (come on, we all do that for school assignments, yes? Guilty as charged >.>)
I want to talk about your focus first. This story, from what I understand based on reading, is about a girl/woman trying to find peace and comfort. She's wandering through a clump of trees that link to a high school. That's what I got from this story. However, there isn't a certain part of the story that you really focus on. Obviously there can be more than one focus in a story, but I'm having trouble figuring out which is more prominent in this one. Let's look at both of them.
The trees. We first see the trees at the very beginning. It really stood out to me because she's just looking at all these different trees. I was expecting them to be important throughout the story, but they really aren't mentioned again. There's one more time that they're mentioned and it's just in passing, really. So what is the point of her looking at these trees in the beginning? With a short story being so, well, short images and symbols are going to be rather important. There has to be a reason for everything that's there. You could do so much with these trees. What do they make her feel? What do they make her think of? Are they comforting? Are they a reminder of the solace she's searching for? See if you can expand on that image within the story. If not, it doesn't hurt to cut it out completely. Because to me, the main image in this is the high school.
I can't figure out if this girl is in high school or recently graduated. That's fine though, because it's good ambiguity and it gives us something to think about. In the big picture of the story it doesn't matter who this girl is and how old she is, but rather that she's searching for this solace. Anyway, the high school seems to be the central image here. She's comparing her life now to how it would be in this high school. What I don't see much of though is the connection between her feelings and this high school. Seeing this building and hearing the children's voices seem to trigger certain thoughts for her, but they don't quite relate exactly to the high school. The parts about not being a child and not quite an adult fit well, but other parts just fall flat for me. I'll point out some for you:
So now we're moving away from the image of this high school and diving deeper into her life. That's something that can be great, but I feel it works for a longer piece rather than one of this length. You really only have enough time to focus on one aspect of this girl's life.
This sentence isn't quite not related, but it does spark some confusion. She's thinking about this high school and how she's not a child anymore. Yet she still finds a place to hide in her school auditorium. If she's still old enough to be in school I would assume that this blue building in her high school. This sentence makes it sound like she goes somewhere else though. It's a bit too much of a sudden setting change.
This is such a general statement. We're reading about this girl in the single moment that she's here walking toward the school, but all of the sudden we're finding ourselves in her growth over time. It's a jump that doesn't fit well with the already established time of the story.
There's a sweet message we get from this story. This girl is going about life trying to find her solace and she's realizing that everything she knew from her younger years won't completely translate into the person she's become. Those two images of the trees and the school really drive home that point and I can see them working brilliantly together if they're solidified just a bit.
Feel free to message me if you have any questions or want me to elaborate. Any of those fun things. Oh, and welcome to the site! Hope to see you around ^_^
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Noelle, that review was absolutely amazing. This story is very personal. In fact, that girl is a person who is very close to my heart. I can see what you mean, though. It is a bit confusing now that I see it from your POV. I would however like to answer your questions first before editing the story.
I hope so too 
1.The girl has just joined a new school and it is, unfortunately, her year before graduation. So technically she is a part of it but she is unable to accept it as a part of her life. The auditorium however, with it's trees and nature, feels like home.
2. By "But somewhere along her twisted path, things had changed." I was trying to express a thought that might be running through the girl's mind when she was taking her walk. She's looking at the students and reminiscing about her past- how she was like them and how she no longer is. But I have to agree with you. It does seem a bit out of place.
3. Sometimes people are forced to grow older than their age. There is a sadness and a bit of bitterness within her at being forced to undergo changes she wasn't ready for. She misses herself- her habits, her friends and the familiarity of her surroundings. She never took any of them seriously and now that their gone- she's realizing just how valuable they were. The memories of when she had them gives her a kind of peace she knows she will never be able to experience in the place she's currently in.
Thank you so very much for your review Noelle. I have understood so many things from it- things which have helped me a lot more than you can imagine.
Thank you again for the welcome
That was... amazing.
I enjoyed this very much. Your style of writing really complemented the story. I especially like the way to describe things, particularly the students and the trees. As well, the way you use the word 'solace' throughout it is very good.
I really loved this line, "Speech was no longer silver. And Silence was too golden"
You did a excellent job. It is so simple but I wanted to keep reading even though I knew nothing big was going to happen.
Great work, bye!
Thank you Angrynoodles
I really like your username by the way 
There is one heck of an amazing message here. You're telling us about something that not many realize in one heck of a fashion. This was beautiful with an amazing message and imagery. This was so amazing and perfect. I wouldn't change a single word of this. Ever.
Thank you so very much, HolographicLadybug! It's my first attempt at prose. I usually just stick with poetry. Your comment was extremely encouraging. Thank you, once again. I'm glad you enjoyed my work.