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Young Writers Society


18+ Mature Content

Limits

by AntoniaClarke


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

Layla had surpassed her limit.There was a constant burning sensation between her legs from where she'd met with her three clients for the day. The swigs of vodka she'd taken between each one hadn't done anything to help numb the irritation. Something told her it would always be there.

She had struggled to walk to meet Daniel in the café. He smiled upon her arrival and kissed her formally on the cheek as she took the seat opposite him at the table. Relieved to be seated and at ease with her friend, Layla grinned politely at the waiter when she ordered her coffee, winked at him when he served her and ogled him casually as he served the other customers. All of this was observed by Daniel, who had made a habit (a career almost) out of observing his friend.

"Enjoying ourselves are we?" he chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I would say so, although..." Layla paused to blow on her steaming drink... "I have had more than I could handle today."

"Spare me the gory details," Daniel replied.

"Alright I will, if you tell me what you've been up to," Layla stuck her tongue out childishly as she waited for Daniel's recount.

He merely shrugged. "I could tell you that I had a run-in with a mafia boss and made three million, but that would be a lie. You know my life isn't as interesting as yours. Not all of us can be so particular."

Layla would have been offended if anyone else had said it, but she knew Daniel well enough to understand what he meant by 'particular.' They'd had the discussion several years ago about Layla's choice of career, and she had been pleased at the time (and now) to find that Daniel managed to withold his judgement where Layla was concerned. He called it his 'friendly favour.'

"Do you have a girlfriend yet?"

It was a nuclear question. Particularly when it was considered that only the week before Layla had caught Daniel kissing a brunette at a party. A brunette guy that was.

"Yes ok Miss Smart, I know what you're thinking: 'Daniel's gay! Daniel's gay!' I had enough of that in school thanks very much. And no, I am not gay. Possibly bicurious, but at the moment I don't know, I'm just waiting for the right time to meet that special someone," he explained, with a smirk on his face.

"You know you're spouting one big cliché?" Layla pointed out. She hated it when people talked like that, like something out of a film, where the character thinks they've just discovered this big, romantic ideal when really they're only reiterating ideas that have been around for centuries - before such pointless films were ever made.

"Alright, yes I know I sound a bit... odd, but I can't help it. That's what happens when I'm around pretty girls," Daniel winked.

Layla always felt uncomfortable when he did things like that. She wouldn't have described it as 'keeping business separate from pleasure' because she didn't want to sound like a cliché herself, but... there was something about crossing the boundary of sexual relations with her best friend and a stranger she'd arranged to meet.

"Anyway, who else have you got on your list for today?" Daniel asked casually.

"Oh no one. Thank God. I think I would have called and cancelled anyway," Layla brushed the idea away with a flick of her. She leaned in closer to Daniel. "I can barely walk."

"Yes I noticed you seemed to be moving funny. I thought that was just your new wiggle," Daniel laughed.

"Ha ha. And I do NOT wiggle. It's a sex-walk," Layla corrected him.

"It's whatever you want it to be," Daniel shrugged and winked again.

Layla's other limit had been trespassed over. Familiarity. If he does that one more time, I swear I am going to get up and walk out, she thought to herself. There was something deliciously annoying about Daniel when he seemed to forget that Layla's job shouldn't have come into their friendship in anyway. Unless that was all part of his plan? He was going to use her for sex. No, Layla thought to herself. Daniel wasn't the sort of person who would contemplate such an idea. She'd known him for eight years. They were best friends and he understand the meaning of the word professionalism and what it meant to her. She hoped.


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Sat Apr 04, 2015 12:14 pm
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Reet3103 wrote a review...



It was pretty expressive and gave a good background on what the story might be (as suggested in your description) Intriguing and well framed.

"All of this was observed by Daniel, who had made a habit (a career almost) out of observing his friend."

I think the part, who had made a habit (a career almost) out of observing his friend, was a bit tricky. There should be a comma after career. And if you'd written career instead of habit, it would've made sense. Either the sentence formation is wrong or you tried to convey something else. Please elaborate.

But overall this is amazing. I'd applaud loudly if you were in front of me right now :)
Kudos.

Keep writing and keep smiling xoxo






Thank you. That was very complimentary.



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Thu Mar 26, 2015 4:34 pm
Morrigan wrote a review...



Hello,

I think your style is nice, and that it definitely could grow into something. That being said, there are a few things I'd like to talk about.

1)

I feel like three clients isn't enough to cause her to walk in that way. Maybe five. But three isn't that bad. Unless she's caught an STI. Which would be brutal.

2)

She suddenly waxes philosophical, like a character in a pointless film. Also, I felt like meeting in a cafe was rather cliche. Like she was talking about avoiding. She'd see that one from a mile off. Furthermore, she shouldn't be prying into his life if she doesn't want a cliche like that. It's his business, not hers. Even if they are friends. That kind of irked me.

I think you need to work on character before you expand this. And watch out for thematic cliches as well as dialogue cliches.

I hope this proves useful to you. Happy YWSing!






Thank you, I will take all of your comments on board.
In some ways I'm glad it annoyed you, because now I know where to make improvements.
Thank you.



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Mon Mar 23, 2015 10:37 pm
Zee6 wrote a review...



I really liked this a lot. I found it really interesting and a good read. But I do have some questions and I hope you can answer them for me or at least give me the tools so I may figure them out on my own. So first things first is Layla a hooker or a "entertainer"? Because I don't want to assume something that is not right.

actually that was pretty much it. I am really looking forward to an update (If there is going to be one.) I'm saying there needs to be one. I really want to see where this leads. I'm interested and now you will never get me to leave. (Laughs evilly at home in a dark room with food surrounding her.) Yeah so think about it and let me know. :)






Layla is the former of the two options.
And yes I may consider a follow up as you have requested.
Thank you for reading; glad you enjoyed it.



Zee6 says...


Yeah no problem :D




An existential crisis a day keeps the writer's block away <3
— LadyBug