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by Anshita

Why is my life based on pains, no one respects my feelings
Were you a dream, or not. You were the only wish of my life
You left some footprints behind on my heart; you were the only reason of my life
How should I say how much I loved you?
How would I say how much I loved you?

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38 Reviews

Points: 1538
Reviews: 38

Wed Dec 07, 2011 5:37 pm
AliyahPillage wrote a review...

I really like this poem.
One thing I did notice though was

You left some footprints behind on my heart; you were the only reason #FF0000 ">of my life

maybe the of should be changed to #FF0040 ">for
This was my favorite line and I guess that's why it stood out to me.
Other than that I have nothing else to say but that you should keep writing poems of this quality.

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17 Reviews

Points: 1000
Reviews: 17

Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:47 am
GawravMehta wrote a review...

How would I say how much I loved you?

No need to tell me how much you love,
It's like pushing boat upstream with shove.
M'dear,what's the need to show?
When every bit of my cell n' tissue knows.
Why bring down to sensory level?
Let it haunt my dreams like a devil.

Ah! your pretty face is culprit. Sorry, but I wasn't able to refrain myself from writing it. Well, its simple yet beautifully written. I was excited, how was she going to show her love? But, unfortunately it ended soon. Already mention, title is clever one.

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662 Reviews

Points: 52441
Reviews: 662

Mon Dec 05, 2011 5:41 am
dogs wrote a review...

Hey Anshita! Dogs here with your review for the day! This is an excellent idea for a poem and you have a really great start! But there are soooo many poems just like this one. This topic is a little overused. People talking about there love for someone being broken and the pains in their life and yada yada. Use the same topic and do something different! Make your poem stand out from all the other poems here! This can be difficult to do and if you are finding troubles with trying to make your poem stand out try doing something like this:

Write with strong imagery. This is my favorite kind of writing, you paint a strong picture in the readers head. Or write with emotion, this is very hard to do. Writing with raw emotion, your goal is to try to get the reader to feel how you feel. Writing feeling can be very hard to do but i think you can handle it! Or to write with sound, writing with sound is also very difficult, it is making the reader hear some specific sound over and over again.

Anyways, you have made this a very short poem and short poems are some of the absolute hardest to write. You have to convey an idea in few words while at the same time using strong imaginative words and making it flow well. All of these are extremely hard to accomplish, i suggest that maybe you should try a new writing style such as writing a longer poem and throught the poem tell a story or paint a picture. Tell something that will happen.

Finally, you use a lot of simple, common, every day words in here. Try to broaden your vocabulary, it will help draw the reader in. Anyways if you are having troubles doing that i suggest that you look up a simple word in a thesaurus and then choose a different word from that list. I use it all the time and it helps my poems significantly.

Anyways this piece has a lot of potential in it so keep up the good work!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032

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24 Reviews

Points: 1033
Reviews: 24

Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:46 am
ladymarmalade wrote a review...

Common question we ask ourselves everyday... why do we really love people? I loved the obvious personal emotion in this even just by using simple words and clever word play. It's simple and sweet, driving straight to the point. Also I think the title is clever. When I clicked on this poem, I figured it could be about just about anything. I was wrong though. It was about everything. Keep on writing! :)

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84 Reviews

Points: 1764
Reviews: 84

Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:41 am
amygabb wrote a review...

I actually really liked this. It had a great simplicity and obvious emotion. Here's some suggestions:

Why is my life based on #804080 ">pain (maybe take out the s) #BF40BF ">? #804000 ">No one respects my feelings#FF0000 ">.
Were you a dream, or not#BF0080 ">? You were the only wish of my life#FF4000 ">.
You left #FF0000 ">some (I would take "some" right out of it) footprints behind on my heart #8040BF ">(I love this image!!!); you were the only reason of my life
How should I say how much I loved you?
How would I say how much I loved you?

One other thing, I would think of a stronger title. I wanted more of the great imagery that you gave. Never stop writing!

He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche