I slept on dead earth all summer.
Dirt soiled my pressed suit, and I was made anew, I'm sure.
Sun baked my naked skin, and I knew the day was different,
Rain rained and soaked me through, and I blessed the sky.
Though now my eyes are gone,
And the tongue that tasted,
And the skin that felt both rough and smooth.
And my sightless brain,
That thought with the limits of thought,
And knew only the limits of it's knowledge,
Made claims of all the world,
And at times wished to die.
***
A wildflower sprouts,
It grows from the shacks of my skin,
And thinks its first thoughts.
It knows neither rain, nor sky, nor sun, nor death,
And reaches for nothing,
But says:
Life is a gift.
Who among us wins this gift?
We are but flowers in a field of flowers,
In the late autumn chill.
As each day grows colder than the last,
Our petals fall together.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Hey friend! Ellie here with a quick review for this lovely and beautiful poem of yours. I hope you have a fantastic day! Let’s jump right into the review:
First of all, I think your formatting is really beautiful. I love how you capitalize the first letter and all of these different phrases. I think it’s broken up in a really pretty and organized way as well. This really helped me as I read along, The simplicity and organization really helps my engagement in the piece. I thought it was cool how you passed from one topic to another, I think it flowed really well. It was cool how you went through these different parts of the body and different pieces of nature as well. you build up some very beautiful imagery here, like how you describe sleeping on dead earth all summer.
This quote above was my favorite part. You talk about your eyes being gone, which I believe symbolizes an inability to still witness the events that were happening before, or hard things. You list different senses, like taste from tongue or sight from eyes and skin that feels. To me the symbolizes numbness, or perhaps moving on without complete satisfaction that you had from your life before the event. I feel like this poem speaks to trauma really well, honestly. Overall, I love this vibe that you have, which feels like moving forward with these different seasons of life. The external factors of our change, but it’s still the same.
Overall I love this poem. The ending was really pretty, and I feel like you asked some really big questions, like who gets to deserve this gift of life? Lovely work on this, my friend, I hope you keep on writing and have a fantastic day!
Your friend,
Ellie
This poem was really beautiful and I loved reading it. To begin, stylistically I love the bolder letter at the beginning of each stanza, it made me really pay attention to the words being said.
😭I am new to this website so I do not know how to quote but I will try my best!
“ I slept on dead earth all summer.
Dirt soiled my pressed suit, and I was made anew, I'm sure.”
I love this connection with you and the earth, it gives the impression this will be a poem about growth but it later transitions into a theme of existential dread. As flowers are are unable to move, to experience anything really and the way that you convey a life of no spontaneity is so beautiful. Through a small plant you succeed in depicting a motion similar to depression, which is extremely hard to do. I am such a big fan of addressing the inevitable at its emotional toil on the soul. I also love the addition of the wild flower, to me it represents or symbolizes optimism, or hope for one’s life and what it might help. But despite the differences between the plant, both fall victim to the natural fait which is intended for everyone.
Note: I really can’t wait to look through more of your work! This poem really did resonate with me and I definitely add it to my favorites! Please keep going your work really does reflect your talents and I am happy to be a supporter!
A Little Skimming - First Impressions
Wow! This was a truly deep and poetic piece. Even the title could be a poem of it's own! This wonderous writing is about the care-free way of flowers, and how united they are. Your poem can really serve as a lesson on how to view the world. On how to view life, but more importantly death.
Love it! - Parts That I Like
There are so many likable things about this free-verse.
This is a rather bitter-sweet stanza, but I thought it is really well written. I think this explains the unwanted wits and talent that some people have. Sometimes, people are so smart, yet they have no spark for life. I love the depth and meaning of these lines.
This part I enjoyed, because it hints that even flowers can teach us a little something. The optimistic yet ignorance of them. Very well done on that part!
Just A Tad Off... - Errors and Corrections
So. This one thing threw me off a bit. You boldened all the first letters of each stanza, so it made me think it was an acrostic. Then I tried to put it together, and it spelt ISTA AILW . Probably not an acrostic. I get it that it looks fancy, but it can be a little flummoxing at first look. Maybe if you just kept it without the emphasized letters, it would be more correct structure-wise.
"Rain rained". That's a bit repetitive, don't you think? Maybe change it to "Rain poured..." or "rain dampened..." or, if you want to be fancy, "Millions of tiny droplets rained..." These ways might make it sound a tad better.
Salutations! - Final Thoughts and Goodbyes
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. It had both poetry, and prose. Good job, and keep writing!
Inferno