Published October 30, 2024
I won't tell you what awaits, but I will tell you at least something: this world is not an exact copy of ours. Some things happened earlier. Some things happened later. Some things did not happened at all and a few things happened that you have no way of remembering from history lessons.
Paris was a city that still had all life in it, and Deinne only really began to realize it now, walking on the Pont d'léna, a bridge leading almost to the Eiffel Tower.
She remembered who Eiffel was - like almost every mechanic in France, he showed up at one of her father's estates from time to time. They were magnificent and vast buildings which he liked to leave to the Order of Mechanics for their quarterly meetings.
When Deinne was little, she was always interested in what they talked about during those meetings. Mechanics would arrive in the early evening and get out of steam-powered carriages or early automobiles to discuss things that sounded fascinating. Both men and women wore tailored suits and tall top hats, which Deinna liked. At that time, the old-fashioned belief that women of the upper classes should not wear trousers still prevailed. But the boom in technology in Paris - which in the meantime somehow became the second capital of mechanics - led to the need to be able to quickly jump out of the way, which made long and layered skirts an impractical snobby outfit.
Deinne appreciated this as she herself was a lover of Manchester trousers and tailored suits. Especially the expensive ones, for which her father had to spend bizzare amount of money on. At least he's finally aware of my existence, Deinne thought, the corner of her mouth curling into a grimace.
She grew up in a family of mechanical parts dealers who had no idea about mechanics. The Louvres always had quite a decent fortune, as the largest workshops knew them as high-quality and reliable traders who knew how to negotiate a price. However, she was never present in the business itself. She had five older brothers who had to share work, bureaucracy and many other complications that came with running a company. Deinna was forgotten, so she always did what she wanted.
Like right now, for example.
Most Parisians headed to the Mechanics' Fair, where the latest inventions, craziest ideas, and bold (or foolish) predictions of the future were to be presented. Deinne had heard rumors that the organizers - the Order of Mechanics, who else - wanted to outdo even their counterparts from London, the heart of Europe's mechanical future.
But Deinne wasn't headed to the fair. For weeks she listened to nothing else at the headquarters of the Order. Fair this, fair that, fair blah blah blah. She had a strong feeling that if she would hear the word fair again, she would break someone's nose for the second time this week. That minor incident on Monday convinced her that she has good both the fly and the strength. And the grinning faces of the puffed-up rich Parisians who thought they could afford everything were asking for a punch between the eyes. So she didn't go to the fair for the sake of her own nerves and idiot´s noses.
After all, if you spend most of your life moving between mechanical parts, oil and steam, it's hard to impress a few larger-than-life toys. The most interesting things happen in London anyway, she thought. Therefore, at a certain moment, she discreetly separated herself from the crowd and ran into the intricate streets of the city. She was also in a hurry for an important meeting.
Her shoes tapped lightly on the stone tiles and the sound carried throughout the alley. Dusk was falling on the city and the streets were deserted - everyone was heading to the fair. When she walked there in the morning, the tables in front of cafes and bakeries were occupied. But now Paris resembled a ghost town.
The bakery she was passing by was still open and the smell of fresh baked goods was really tempting... but somehow she didn't want to explain to the clerk what exactly she wanted. And also, she had an important meeting to rush to.
So she continued further and further into the winding streets of the older districts of Paris. If you didn't know it here, you'd be lost for good even during the day, let alone at dusk. But Deinne spent her entire childhood in this maze of crooked, narrow streets. She recognized it here. She knew that if she entered the neglected-looking tunnel, she would find herself in the middle of a small square where fruit sellers used to gather. She knew that the abandoned building that looked like it was about to fall down had once been a hotel, and she also knew that the roof of the former church had a view of all of Paris.
It was so strange to think of the differences between her now, in an expensive suit, with a top hat on her head and a mechanic's license in her pocket, and her younger self. Her mother liked to remind her of the most obvious differences during each of the few meetings.
Mother kept saying how pretty she looked in the flowery dress and with braided dark hair. So when Deinne left for university, the first thing she did was donate all her clothes to charity and cut her long hair into short, curly hairstyle. It was almost boyish, disheveled and extremely modern, and her mother hated it wholeheartly, which gave Deinna a dose of satisfaction every time she looked in the mirror.
Although something told her that the real difference was somewhere else entirely. As a fifteen-year-old girl who just got a job in a mechanical workshop, a new and wild world suddenly opened up in front of her, powered only by the power of mechanics, physics and imagination. All of Paris was suddenly her kingdom.
But now she had to admit that she would rather get rid of it all. Not mechanics (she seriously doubted that there was anything in the world that would really disgust her the only thing her life revolved around for years) - but Paris. And its smog. And tourists. And conceited nobility. And gardens with fountains. And the local Order of Mechanics. And that, despite everything, she will probably be late for one of the most important meetings in her life.
"Well, you won't even say hello to a poor old friend?"
Deinne was one hundred percent sure she was having a heart attack at that moment. What a stupid way to die for someone not even twenty-one years old, she thought. But when she subsequently tilted her head, she saw above her just a smile full of too white teeth.
"Surprise!" Alexej Nowak, her colleague from the workshop, her best friend and the person she currently wanted to punch from the wall he was standing on, grimaced. He tilted his head curiously and declared with smirk: "Surprised you, didn't I?"
With the grace of a sack of potatoes, he jumped right in front of her and she had to grin involuntarily. Thanks to his penchant for colorful and patterned clothes, red hair that looked as if someone had thrown a bomb into it, a figure like a pencil and a face covered in too many freckles, Alexej looked more like a crazy artist who escaped from an asylum and joined the circus on the way, and not as a member esteemed company.
"Keep dreaming," she quickly cooled him down.
"Huh. It sounded like I had just interrupted the most important train of thought in your life, rather than giving you some special news!” His mouth spread into a familiar smirk again.
Deinne quickly checked her pocket watch. It was a nice piece, one of those that she was quite proud of and that's why she kept it. They did get stuck from time to time, but that was to be expected from her first proper mechanical statement. She always learned something interesting from them, and it was at that moment that she learned from them that she was epically late.
"You'll tell me when I get back to the workshop," she said to Alexej and quickly continued on her way, not waiting for his answer.
"Deinne!" he shouted after her, and for a moment she thought that maybe it really was something serious. "Deinna, you should know this!"
He had an urgent tone in his voice that definitely didn't fit in. Alexej was a comical oddball, always ready to lighten the situation with a silly joke and generally living his chaotic life to the fullest. But in more than ten years of their friendship, she had only heard him use that tone a few times.
So instead of rushing to that hellishly important meeting, she simply turned on her heel, waiting.
"We have an hour. Then our train leaves for London."
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So I came back from walking the dog, checked the Green Room, saw all the poems that still need to be reviewed, cried a little and then decided to read the first Chapter of Clockwheel instead =D
I feel this bit overstays its welcome here and I’m starting to lose interest. Time for more plot maybe? =D I kinda wanna know what Deinne would RATHER do than hear more abt fairs. It sounds like she has her mind made up and whatever it is, she’s probably done something interesting and worth mentioning!I do like the italic beginning, piques my interest already =D
The beginning of the actual story is kinda messy tho. You say that “Paris still as all the life” and that Deinne realises that while waking up to the Eiffel Tower… and then don’t elaborate on this in the next paragraph. That’s kinda subverting expectations at the wrong time. I expected some grand description of what exactly made Paris so life-full and why it comes to her just as she’s walking over that bridge.
Next paragraph also has its issues since it barely connects to the previous one and you start on Eiffel who shows up here and there and then something with buildings that he leaves? Is he creating them out of nothing and that’s how he leaves them behind or how do you mean this?
More writing tips =D “to discuss things that sounded fascinating.” That is super unspecific. Maybe you should highlight just what made them so fascinating to her? Otherwise, this is rather boring to read. You could tie it back to her own interest in mechanic, how whatever it is just increased that interest?
Oh Deinne comes from money and likes to dress well, nice characterization!
Liked how the story continued from there but got stuck here:
Ok if you write that she discreetly leaves, it might be a good idea to establish where she is? We know where she’s not: at the fair. And… that’s all we have.
Shouldn’t it be “If you didn’t know your way” instead of “If you didn't know it here, “
There’s a bit of that non-native speaker-ness coming through =D I know the feeling.
I like how you show more abt Deinne via her relationship with her mom and what her mom dislikes =D
Hmm I was hoping the first chapter would elaborate even more on what made mechanics so special in this alternative world of yours but I guess I have to wait for Ch3 for that xd It is a bit of a missed opportunity. I kept waiting on Deinne to gush about the craft but all her discussions on it were rather shallow.
Ah and no wonder Alexej is so chill abt Deinne missing the meeting, he literally wants them out of Paris in an hour =D
Hello, My Friend!
It’s me, Raven, and I’m here with a long-overdue review for this chapter! As always, I'll be using my Familiar method today, so let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
Ooo, this was an interesting first chapter! We get a solid introduction to the core aspects of the world, and our main character in the midst of pondering some of the life choices and predicaments that led to this point. Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Good! There's nothing much to complain about here; as I mentioned, you introduce the world, the protagonist, and who seems like an important character. You did a good job balancing descriptions and memories of the character with ongoing tasks and dialogue, so we still get a sense of movement as we digest all the information.
Descriptions and Setting: Awesome! I LOVE the steampunk theme going on here, and the twist you put on old-world Paris. Absolutely gorgeous!
Characterization: I'm very interested in Deinne thus far, especially the family dynamics at play here. It sounds like there's a bit of conflict between her and her parents. We got the classic "distant business father" going on, and I'm not sure why Deinne is at odds with her mother, but in the one reference we got to her...Yeah, I'm sensing that they don't get along. I'm also getting some angsty teen/college vibes, with the use of fashion to spite the parents. I've seen this kind of energy play out very differently between stories, in positive, negative, neutral, and all sorts of combinations of ways, so this is gonna be interesting.
As for Alexej, I can't tell much about him yet, but from first impressions, I love his character--he really gives off that "lovable goof" energy.
Grammar and Wording: I didn't catch anything for now, so I think you're good!
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
Nothing to put here this time!
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
It's a bit too early to be forming theories, but as to reactions...
I LOVE the way you opened the story with this! It just sounded so cool, and really set the stage for a grande streampunk alternate universe!!!
Ooo, dapper character design ~ And I like this little clue to tell us about the family.
Woah, tell me how you really feel, Deinne XDD Between the sense of angst and now being prone to outbursts like this, I feel like we're seeing some room for development and fleshing out already and I love that.
I love how you inject some atmosphere here; the sensory notes to really make the description pop, and just how absolutely relatable this feels XDD
Oh, I love that you included this! Giving us a sense that the city has seen better days, or at least parts of it. I'm so curious what led to this point, and if it has to do with this Order Of Mechanics.
I just put this line here because it made me laugh XDD A little injection of humor always goes a long way!
MadThoughts...Overall, I loved that a lot! Great work!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Heya Raven! Thank you for taking time to write this amazing review! It gave me a good feedback and I always love to read your theories and notes about story. (Thank you for appreciation of sack of potatoes XD)
[quote]As for Alexej, I can't tell much about him yet, but from first impressions, I love his character--he really gives off that "lovable goof" energy.[/spoiler]
Oh great, I was always a bit worried how will reader's first impressions of him look like...not to give any spoilers, but if you continue to read Clockwheel Cities, his goofiness will have page-time. (He's an authors secret favorite. Not sure when it happened).
Alrighty, so I liked this, I've always liked steampunk, and I feel like you did a good job with the aesthetic. This is going to be a short review because there really isn't a lot to poke at here. Deinna seems like the typical female historical fiction protagonist. The entire story has a slightly British feel to it, which is either because you as the author are British or its because the story takes place in London. Either way, good job, because it adds another layer of realism. There is some pretty interesting world building, like with the guilds, and the feminist movement, also Deinna's parental issues. Alexei is seemingly the best friend/love interest character, but i have a feeling that either a secondary love interest, or main love interest, if Alexei isn't the love interest, is going to be introduced, possibly the person that Deinna was going to meet with, if that wasn't some sort of inventing thing. The ending part were Alexei tells Deinna that they have a train is a great cliffhanger. I'm interested in chapter 2.
Heya, sorry for super late answer, but thanks for your review! Can I ask you, what gave the story a British feel into it? That part of your review interested me a bit since I'm neither British or aware of what makes stories have British feels in it...
I don't remember, its been awhile sorry. Probably the victorian steampunk style?
Oh yeah, makes sense lol
lol
will review later, very good, is typo?
"He was almost boyish, disheveled and extremely modern, and his mother hated him with all her heart, which gave Deinna a dose of satisfaction every time she looked in the mirror."
Oh yeah, it%u2019s a typo - I m not a native speaker and I had to translate some things through Google Translate so yeah, typis are possible. Thanks for info, I haven%u2019t noticed it
personally. im a huge fan on how this first chapter is written. it gives you a hook at the begining, even before the chapter is introduced which made me want to continue the story, as for structure wise, its lovely, spaced out paragraphs that make it so its not just one big blob of text, character develoment was there 100%, and is done really well, you could almost just see and picture Deinne in your mind. then it also gives you insight on her life beforehand, about her mother and what her opinions on Deinne are. then we also get an insight on present day Deinne as an engineer in victorian era paris. and best off all, leaves the ending ambiguous to what will happen next and keeps you wonderning why is the main character going to london, and makes you want to keep reading. overall 10/10 first chapter im 100% returning for chapter 2!
Hi! I am happy you enjed this first chapter
And than you for finding time for writing review!