thats cool i liked that it was just super
In the sweet churchyard at midnight
Sweet Polly and me
Moonlight casting on the gravestones
Silvering the creaking tree
Drunk only on our laughter
Singing songs we know
Stars glinting in her hazel eyes
Giving them a secret glow
She gives me a false request
Wondering how willing I am
Though it’s a joke I tell her
I’ll do anything if I can
Though her lips are closed they’re calling
In her glowing eyes I’m falling
I give in to her secret wish
On her petal lips I plant a kiss
Kissing in the churchyard at midnight
Sweet Polly and me
Moon lighting our secret scene
Where else would I be?
In the sweet arms at midnight
Of the demon who hurt me
I’d rather be kissing Polly
Under the silvered tree
This is the best thing I've read on this lyric forum so far. You're doing yourself proud! Listen to what those people said but keep writing like this and with time you'll be even better, well done babe.
Bella
i liked it. a lot. it was simple and i iliekd the rhyme. i dunno, i don't normally like poetry like this but this appealed to me.
although, yeah, it hink you could probably work on the last verse as it was the only part that i kind of stumbled upon. the first two lines of it seemed a little out of place.
Rhyming is hard... there are places it sounds a little forced, though I'm quite impressed overall: most of it flows pretty well.
'Moonlighting' is one word.
Your subject matter is a tad cliche, but the lyrics themself is good.
Good first line: nice reversal, a 'sweet' churchyard.
Don't drop the last verse, that's my advice. It's always good to leave people wondering things, a closed piece of work has less appeal.
Well, I think this is not bad at all.
Hey this is mine..... Just wondering how it ended up Anon.
I need advice on whether to ditch the last verse or not
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