Inglorious Innocence

by Anonymous

Inglorious Innocence

It began in Eden, a place like no other. Eden was a place where perfection and excellence existed naturally. In Eden extreme measures were taken to maintain the perfection. Eden was a society built by four men that believed in a utopia on earth. Walls surrounded the society; no one was to go outside of them, for if they did, they’d surely suffer. In Eden there was plenty to eat, plenty to do, there were many places to dwell upon. There was nothing to be needed outside of the walls; everyone was free to do what they pleased on the inside. For decades the people of Eden lived safely within the walls without desiring to escape the safeness of their home. That is until, now….

Lyler Christensen was supposed to be in third period geometry, but she wasn’t. She was standing by herself shivering as she stood behind the bleachers on the football field. She was waiting for someone. Someone who was late, only by five minutes. Lyler looked down at her wrist watch. 9:57 a.m.

“Come on.” She mumbled.

Suddenly, her party arrived, he was huffing, he had run across the field to meet her. Lyler looked at him, he was panting as he stood before her. His golden blonde hair was a little wet from the sprinkle of rain and his pale turquoise eyes were a little watery from the run. It was only across the field, Lyler thought to herself.

“Sorry I’m late, stupid Chem test.” He panted.

“It’s okay, I didn’t mind waiting.” Lyler smiled. “But come on Jensen, you just ran across the field.”

Jenson Simmons stared at his girlfriend, and, with her bright lime eyes, she stared back. A curly brown hair got in the way of her face, and he sweetly tucked it behind her ear.

“Lyler, I ran from the room.” He couldn’t help his smile; sometimes she could be a little silly.

“Oh, well while I was waiting I was thinking.” Lyler smiled, she was pleased to tell him her plan. “The school needs volunteers for the big dance, so I was thinking we could tell our parents we’re volunteering, but, what we’re really doing is…”

“Seriously Lyler, what’s up with all the sneaking around?” Jensen interrupted.

“All we do is follow rules, couldn’t we try a little fun every once in a while?” Lyler sighed. She was dying of obedience.

“Your idea of fun involves lying to our parents and skipping class, that goes against the rules.” Jensen sighed. “If G.O.D found out, we’d be in serious trouble.” G.O.D, or otherwise known as Givers Of Damnation, were the elders of Eden. It was they who handled the rule breakers and lawbreakers. No one really knew what happened to people who broke the rules, but they were never seen again.

Lyler looked off into the distance, she could see the walls that surrounded Eden, sometimes, when she was alone, she dreamt about what lay behind the walls.

“I guess you’re right. Let’s just forget I brought it up.” Lyler sighed. “Let’s just get to third period.”

Jensen looked at her; he knew she was only trying to have fun. He sighed to himself; he’d do anything she’d ask him, even if it was lying to his parents. Sometimes he wondered how he let this girl lead him in any direction, down any road.

“I’m sorry, let’s do it.” he smiled. “But maybe we could just tell them we’re going to hang out.”

“I guess that’ll do.” Lyler shrugged as they walked towards the school. She felt better; sometimes she knew that Jensen would fall to her every whim.

The two sophomores headed into building B. They had to separate to head to their classes, but before they split they shared a brief hug.

Lyler walked into her geometry class and took her seat in the back. She quickly looked at the seat to her right, which was empty. Billy Charlotte used to sit there, but he got caught breaking a rule by the G.O.D, and he was never seen again. Rumors spread around about what he had done; Lyler ignored all of them; without hearing the actual story from Billy himself, nothing else mattered.

There suddenly was a knock at the door. Lyler looked up and watched as a new student was ushered into the room. He had pale skin, but everything else about him was dark. His hair was black, his eyes were black, and even his wardrobe was black. His shadow cast darkness on the students.

As Lyler listened to the conversation her teacher was having with the student she came to find that his name was Serpentino Vile. The teacher placed him right next to Lyler, and as he made his way to his seat Lyler could see his shadow following him like a black cloud.

When Lyler started doing her work, she felt a sudden chill in the room.

“May I borrow a pen?” a dark voice asked from her right. Lyler looked to her right, Serpentino had spoken to her. As she looked him in his eyes, she could see nothing, as if behind his eyes there wasn’t a soul or feeling, or emotion, only hardness.

“Sure,” Lyler handed him her pen, as she did she felt his hand. It was cold, and a little slimly. Lyler shivered.

“Thank you.” Serpentino smiled, only it was a condescending smile. He looked back at Lyler, he could see the fear and confusion on her face. “May I ask your name?”

“L-L-Lyler,” Lyler stuttered.

Serpentino kept looking. “Surely you have a last name.”

“Christensen.” She mumbled.

“I am Serpentino, Vile.” His voice was cold and dark. The sound of it sent chills down Lyler’s spine.

“Nice to meet you, uh, where are you from?” asked Lyler.

“South Eden.” Serpentino replied as he kept staring at Lyler.

“Oh, I uh, hope you enjoy it here.” Lyler turned back to her paper. She felt happy to be out of his gaze, but from the corner of her eye she could see him and feel him continuing to look. There was a small smirk on his face. “Do you need help?” she asked, refusing to look at him.

“No, I do not.” With that said, he turned back to the front of the room. Lyler shivered, how had it gotten so cold?

As the bell rang for fourth period Lyler quickly stood up. As she was about to leave she felt a cold clammy hand on her shoulder, she turned around to see Serpentino. He stood like a wave of darkness over her.

“Your pen.” He said as he held it out.

Lyler looked down, “Thank you.” She turned to leave.

“Are you going to lunch?” the cold dark voice asked.

“Uh…yeah.” Lyler didn’t want to lie, Jensen brought out the good in her.

“Mind if I follow you? I don’t quite know where I’m going.” Serpentino said.

“I guess,” Lyler headed out of the room, she didn’t want to look at him again, she felt cold inside with each glimpse.

Jensen was waiting at their usual table, he was surprised to see Lyler with someone, normally they sat alone. The tall male behind Lyler wasn’t someone Jensen recognized.

“Jensen, this is…Serpentino.” Lyler showed a hand to the boy behind her. “He’s in my geometry class, and he’s new.”

“Nice to meet you.” Like a gentleman Jensen stuck his hand out. Serpentino looked him in the eyes as he shook his hand. Jensen shivered; Serpentino’s hand was cold.

“It is nice to meet you as well,” Serpentino took a seat. Jensen and Lyler awkwardly sat down too.

“So, Lyler, are you going to tell your parents the truth or are you using that volunteering lie?” Jensen asked.

Lyler had almost forgotten about the plan. “Um…”

“Lying is bad, you’ll get in trouble.” Jensen sighed.

“I wasn…”

The cold dark voice spoke before Lyler could finish.

“Who says lying is bad?” Serpentino asked.

Jensen looked over at the dark boy. “The G.O.D, the elders aren’t to be tested. They make the rules for our protection.” He calmly explained.

“Really? Is that the truth?” Serpentino asked.

“What do you mean?” asked Jensen.

“Perhaps the G.O.D, make these rules to suffocate you.” Serpentino replied.

Jensen was confused, never had he heard someone openly blaspheme the elders before.

“That doesn’t make any sense, all their rules are reasonable and needed.” said Jensen.

“Like which ones?” Serpentino looked into Jensen’s eyes, he could see that the boy was irritated.

“Well, lying would cause distrust, and too much of it would make you a bad person.” Said Jensen. “No one’s going to suffer for not lying.”

Serpentino stared at the boy, “That was only one rule.”

“Curfew, that’s important so that we get enough sleep to make it to work or school.” Said Jensen. “And stealing goes along with lying.”

Serpentino wasn’t pleased, “The wall.”

“What?” asked Jensen.

“Explain the rule about the wall.” Said Serpentino.

“Well, there’s nothing that we need out there. We have everything in Eden.” Shrugged Jensen.

Serpentino shook his head, “We do not have freedom. They take that from us.”

“We do to have freedom, we’re free to…”

“Make our own decisions? Lie? Steal? Cheat? See life beyond these…walls?” asked Serpentino.

Jensen was confused, what was this guy driving at?

“Obviously we aren’t missing anything because we’ve been fine this long without seeing what’s behind those walls.” Jensen shot back.

“You’ve never wondered about what’s outside of Eden?” Serpentino leaned forward as he asked. Jensen couldn’t look him in the eyes; there was something not right about them.

“No, I haven’t.” he said.

“What about you Lyler?” Serpentino asked as he kept looking at Jensen.

“Yes.” Lyler couldn’t hide the truth. Both boys looked at her.

“Really? Why haven’t you acted on this…curiosity?” Serpentino asked with a dark smile.

“Because, we’re not allowed to leave Eden, we’ll get in trouble.” Lyler replied.

“You most certainly will not get in trouble.” Serpentino replied. “I’ve seen what’s behind those walls, and it is not trouble.”

“Oh yeah, what’s behind the walls then?” asked Jensen.

“Freedom.” Serpentino said as he looked back at Jensen.

“Freedom?” Lyler asked.

“Yes, beyond Eden lies a place where you can do whatever you please without consequence. Without rules.” Serpentino smiled. “The G.O.D just want to hog that freedom to themselves and keep you as their slaves of rules.”

Jensen had heard enough, this was the most ignorant thing he’d ever heard.

“If all that’s so true, then why are you here?” he asked.

“Because, others need to know the truth. You can’t trust the elders, they’re holding you all back.” said Serpentino.

“Come on Lyler, I’ve heard enough, this guy’s nuts.” Jensen stood up. Lyler slowly got to her feet. Serpentino’s words had gotten to her.

“Here I come.” She followed Jensen to the gym, as she looked behind her she saw Serpentino taking a bite out of a piece of fruit, as he chewed he smiled at her. Lyler turned back to Jensen. They had made it to the gym and took a seat on the bleachers.

“That was a weird kid.” Jensen sighed.

“Yeah, but, aren’t you curious about the wall?” Lyler asked. “What if there is…freedom behind it?”

“What freedom could there be that we don’t already have?” Jensen asked.

Lyler shrugged, “Maybe we won’t know until we find out.”

“Lyler we mustn’t try to leave, the G.O.D…”

“What’s the point of living if you can’t feel alive?” Lyler stood up. “I’m sick of rules and laws, let us live!”

Jensen looked up at Lyler, he loved her, really he did. If all she wanted to do was see what was on the other side of the wall, well then, so be it.

“Just a peep?” he sighed.

“Yes, that’s all I want to see, five steps out of Eden.” Lyler smiled.

Jensen bowed his head down, “Fine, tonight, we’ll meet and get it over with. Five steps out of Eden.”

Lyler smiled and kissed his cheek.

“Are you sure you’re not just doing this to be like that…Serpentino kid?” Jensen spoke up.

“No, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now.” Lyler let her smile go.

Jensen kept looking at her. “So be it.” He sighed.

At exactly 9:30 p.m. that night the two met up by Eden River, which freely flowed through a drain in the wall. They couldn’t just go up to the gate and leave, there was security set up.

“Okay, we’re just going to swim to the other side of the wall and look around and come straight back.” said Jensen.

“Right.” Lyler smiled. Then she got an idea. “Wait, let’s try the southeast gate, I heard the security guards are never there.”

“Okay.” Jensen nodded. They walked all the way to the southeast gate; just as expected it was vacant. They quickly walked up to the doors.

“This is too easy.” Lyler gave a small smile.

“Yeah, let’s get it over with.” Jensen shrugged.

Lyler opened the door; it surprised her that it wasn’t locked. She crept outside and waited as Jensen followed.

“Okay, let’s take those steps and get back in.” Jensen whispered.

Lyler nodded and started walking. She came to realize that they were on a hill and below them was luminous light that lit up a town.

“Okay, that’s five let’s go.” Jensen whispered.

“No, let’s go down there.” Lyler pointed.

“You promised…”

“But look, there’s people down there.” Lyler sighed.

“So, you only wanted to take five…”

“I’m going.” Lyler headed down the hill, she could hear Jensen trailing behind. As they made their way up to the town they could hear a tons of voices, most were angry.

“What is this place?” Lyler mumbled.

“I don’t know.” Jensen replied. They walked around the tiny town. There was a man wearing raggedy clothing lying on a cardboard box with a syringe in his arm-he looked in a daze. There were women dressed in tight provocative clothing walking up and down the street and shady looking men walking up to different car every five minutes and shaking hands with the drivers. This place wasn’t recognizable, it wasn’t Eden.

“Let’s go back.” Lyler whispered to Jensen.

“Yes, let’s go.” Jensen took her hand and raced with her back up to the gate. To their surprise both doors were opened widely. They walked back inside of Eden.

“What the…” Lyler couldn’t finish her statement; all around her there was destruction. There were even little fires on the ground. Eden was surely gone.

“What happened?” asked Jensen.

“We left the door open,” Lyler gulped. “And…evil got in.”

Off into the distance she could see a dark figure staring in her direction. Lyler shivered, she felt cold inside.

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Lilicia
Review
Lilicia wrote a review · Sat Jul 11, 2009 9:26 pm

Wow - this was interesting! Just a few things:

Suddenly her party had arrived,

Take out the 'had' - that makes the sentence go too far back. Also, there should be a comma after 'suddenly'.

he was huffing, he had ran across the field to meet her. Lyler looked at him, he was panting and huffing as he stood before her.

There's something not quite right about this sentence - you repeated 'huffing' twice and it should be 'he had run' not 'he had ran'. Try: he huffed as he ran accross the field to meet her. He stood before Lyla's gaze, panting.

Jensen Simmons stared at his girlfriend, as she stared back at him with her bright lime eyes, a strand of her curly brown hair was getting in her face. He sweetly tucked it behind her ear.

Hmmm. There's something wrong with this sentence. 'Jenson Simmons stared at his girlfriend, and, with her bright lime eyes, she stared back. A curly brown hair got in the way of her face, and he sweetly tucked it behind her ear.' would sound better.

“Lyler I ran from the room.”

There should be a comma after Lyler.

“Seriously Lyler what’s up with all the sneaking around?”

There should be a comma after Lyler :D

Lyler sighed, she was dying of obedience.

I think you should put a full stop after 'sighed' and start a new sentence with 'she...'

G.O.D, or otherwise known as Givers Of Damnation, they were the elders of Eden; they handled rule breakers or lawbreakers.

This sentence is wierd - it doesn't flow properly and isn't entirely correct. Try: 'G.O.D, or otherwise known as Givers Of Damnation, were the elders of Eden. It was they who handled the rule breakers and lawbreakers.

“I’m sorry, let’s do it.” He smiled.

He shouldn't be capitalized.

She quickly looked at the seat to her right, it was empty.

Replace 'it' with 'which' - it'll sound better.

Lyler started doing her work, she felt a sudden chill in the room.

This by itself doesn't make much sense. You could either put 'when' before 'Lyer', or 'and' before 'she'.

“Christensen.” Lyler mumbled.

We know by now that it is Lyer speaking, so you could just say 'she'.

“Do you need help?” She refused to look at him as she asked.

'she asked, refusing to look at him.' sounds better.

Lyler looked down, “Thank you.” she turned to leave.

'she' should be capital. It's a new sentence.

The cold dark voice spoke before Lyler could finish.

You already described his voice as cold and dark. Try to find another description.

“That doesn’t make any sense, all their rules are reasonable and needed.” Said Jensen

'said' shouldn't be capitalized.

“Like which ones,”

Replace the comma with a question mark.

They had made it to the gym. They took a seat on the bleachers.

You don't need two sentences here. It would be easier to read with just one: 'They made it to the gym and took a seat on the bleachers'.

At exactly 9:30 p.m. that night the two met up by Eden River, it freely flowed through a drain in the wall.

It would sound better if you replaced 'it' with 'which'.

“Okay, that’s five that’s go.” Jensen whispered.

Do you mean 'let's go?' :D

There was a man wearing raggedy clothing lying on a cardboard box with a syringe in his arm, he looked in a daze.

Maybe instead of a comma after 'arm' it would make more sense if you put a dash.

Sorry that was very long :shock: This was a very interesting and well-written piece, and I'd love to see more! I loved the first paragraph - it shaped the place nicely. The think that wasn't quite to my liking was that Eden is obviously not in our world, so maybe it should be a little less... normal. For instance: maybe instead of a normal chemistry class it could be something more surreal... Or something like that :D

Hope I could be of help!



Books give a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything
— Plato