Dear beauty,
dear butterfly,
your wings are upon the shore.
The flutter of your wings fall like rain,
making the tides of the ocean water seem like magic.
There is a simplicity in the sound of your flight,
that is full of humility, grace, and peace.
I wish I could feel what you feel,
see what you see,
through the sight of your beady little eyes.
I want to taste the sweet trickle of satisfaction,
when you suck the juices out of the Honeysuckle.
I want to fall in love with the earth,
and the beauty that surrounds us all.
I want to experience and see what it is like,
to dream upon the pedals of a dandelion.
I would like to be renewed,
transformed, and revitalized,
with the caresses of the wind,
the stroke of the grass,
and the rising of the morning sun.
Dear beauty,
dear butterfly,
make me just like you.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
well.
I must say, I'm a bit disappointed. This was not your best...
Yes, the idea of beauty and nature is great and I like it. It's just that this isn't really bringing me into the world of the beautiful nature and its surroundings.
The beginning is good and gives you the idea of it has something to do with...NATURE
Everything you mention has to do with the surroundings around us. Just these three simple lines gives you an indication of what is to come.
The first line is good. Again you indicate to the reader of the beauty of nature.
The second line...I don't know.
"making the tides of the ocean water seem like..." The bumble bees doesn't really work. I'd keep the rest of the line and just change bumble bees into something more 'WOW'
I like this stanza.
I'd just put line 2 like this: "that is full of humility, grace and peace."
It would just make it more affective.
I don't know, but it looks to me you actually brought emotion into this stanza.
The beady little eyes... It can work and there is nothing wrong with it. It just doesn't work for me, but hey. That's me
I love this. The first line that describes nature where you just want to 'be' nature and walk in its footsteps and then you break it to remind us that we are a butterfly.
I really like this. The second line...It's missing something. When I have a brainwave I'll let you know.
I like it. Not much I can say here. Dandelion can work, but I'll see what other flowers I can use before this one. There is nothing wrong. Actually, keep it that way. If a new and better flower pops in your head, I'd use it. I like it, 'cause if you don't like it, you can change it, or even the stanza so that it fits with your flower.
o_O Why a paint brush??
It's all natural and all of the sudden, you break it with a paintbrush
Just a stupid example,but make it, say...grass. If you don't want to change it, PLEASE PM ME!!
So that I can also understand why it must be a paintbrush, because that is the fun thing about a poem. Everyone has his/her's own way of interpreting its meaning.
Cute ending.Now that I critiqued it. It is actually not that bad. I still think your other poems are better though.
This has more to do of a butterfly and nature which I love. I don't know. Something is missing. Now I won't sleep...thanks a lot!
Love your work. Keep up the good work.