(I'm really not a poet, but there was no other way to really explain what I was feeling. I'm going to begin working on my poetry skills, even if they aren't that great yet. Butcher this if you feel the need to. Be as brutally honest as you see fit, please.)
If I was a poet,
I’d write you the best damn poem,
because you deserve it.
Because I love you.
But I don’t have a way with words,
and I’m not a poet.
-
If I was a painter,
I’d fill a canvas with the most beautiful strokes of paint,
because you deserve it.
Because I love you.
But I don’t know how to hold a paint brush,
and I’m not a painter.
-
If I was a song artist,
I’d write you a song to comfort you in the darkest times,
and to cheer you on in the happiest,
Because you deserve it.
Because I love you.
But I don’t know the first thing about writing a song,
and I’m not a song artist.
-
I would be anything,
for you.
Because I love you.
But you don’t deserve it.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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I think you should revise the third stanza and make the format more like the first and second stanza's. I do love how you ended it. Is it meaning that you aren't a poet or painter or song artist, because they don't deserve it? That is the best way for me to understand. Maybe the do deserve it to you, but they won't except it or you. By the look of this poem, you are a wonderful poet. Please continue.
-tmalm1
If i am not wrong then this poem actually describes the state of new love fron male's side.He wants to do many creative acts to impress his lover.He wants to write a poem,paint a picture, write a song to please her love and share with her his exclusive creation as a token of love.But as time passed by she proved a cheater,and atlast u felt that u wanted to be anything to please her,but she did'nt truly deserved it.I liked your way of narrartion which is a bit odd but not at all bad.Do not discourage yourself as u did before the poem.
I'm pretty late on any response, but you're spot on. Thanks for the review though
Heyy.
"But I don’t know the first think about writing a song," shouldn't it be "thing" here? I know it's just a typo, but whatevs.
"But you don’t deserve it" All throughout, you've been talking how the second deserves it and in the end you go like he/she doesn't deserve it, why so? I mean, there can be a hidden reason, but I don't see it anywhere here.
For a first try (if that was) it was pretty good. Like I liked the ideas you brought in. But I would've liked it if you would extend it and add something else, like a reader should be interested. This was a different poem of course but then obviously, it's just a suggestion.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Usually I catch my typos, but this was a straight run through. I didn't spend much time looking at it or going over it. I've always written short stories and such, so poetry is kind of new to me. Thanks for the review though, it was helpful.
There is no reason for you to doubt your writing ability. This poem is reality good! It might not be super long but that's okay because you get the point across really well. The poem itself is very powerful and holds a lot of meaning in it. All in all I really enjoyed reading it and your writing style. Hope to read more!
There is no reason for you to doubt your writing ability. This poem is reality good! It might not be super long but that's okay because you get the point across really well. The poem itself is very powerful and holds a lot of meaning in it. All in all I really enjoyed reading it and your writing style. Hope to read more!
First of all, you should be confident about your work! While this piece does need a little bit of work, it wasn't all that bad. I really quite enjoyed the stanza that read:
One thing that I didn't understand about your poem though is how you contradicted yourself in the last line. You talk about the person that is the subject of this poem deserving these things throughout the whole poem, then you end it with:
Either the person deserves their affection or they don't. Another thing that you should do is come up with a real title.
Just a little typo, think should be changed to thing.
Keep working on your poetry skills because just by reading this I can tell you have a lot of potential. On this particular piece I would have found a way to throw in some figurative language or imagery to make it more interesting, but it was a really good start. Good job and keep writing!