I Close My Eyes.

I lay in the silent darkness, my ears ringing as they rest from the day’s noise. I notice the susurrus of my winter blankets deflating and covering every inch of my body. The bed holds me as it makes groaning sounds at the slightest movement. I close my eyes expecting darkness. I close my eyes expecting silence. I close my eyes expecting rest. I close my eyes and see him.

His face bursts into a smile, revealing his pearly teeth. As his delicate mouth bends, it forms dimples in his unshaven cheeks and wrinkles around his young eyes. They burn into me as they stare with bewildered, gentle desire. Their dark grey colour make him seem more dangerous and mysterious than his childish heart really is. I look at him. I count every eyelash, the shades in his hair, I will myself to remember and never forget this sight. My eyes start to sting beneath my eye sockets. Just as I am about to open my eyes and later fall into a restless sleep, something wills me not to. He wills me not to. He has something to tell me, something to show me. I keep my eyes closed.

I hear his voice and suppress a sob. I haven’t heard that heavenly sound in endless months. “Let me show you something,” he says as my ears sing with joy. He reaches out his hand, slightly bloated from playing piano. I take it, with no control over my body. His skin melts into mine as the lines on our palms form into one. We stroll for hours. Several times I wonder if I have come to visit him in Heaven. If I have, then this place is not what it is described in children’s story books. “It’s whatever you will and want it to be,” he explains as if reading my mind. “Everyone experiences it in a different way. Some see nature, some their childhood home, and some say to just see light. Everyone sees what makes them filled with complete joy and serenity. Nirvana, they might call it.” “What do you see?” I ask. “You”. Overwhelmed with mournful joy my eyes sting with heartbroken tears. Just as I am about to instinctively open them, his hand tugs and gently squeezes mine. “We’re here,” he announces. I keep my eyes closed.

I expect a magical, mystical land where wizards and fairies might roam, but I came to something much more; the park below my bedroom window. A memory flashes into my mind. I woke up on a lazy Saturday, aware of the hot summer sun frying the earth below and roof above. I groggily stepped to shut the window blinds, when from such heights, I saw a pair of grey eyes. My heart fluttered like a new-born baby bird as our eyes lock. I thought that I would spend the rest of my life staring into those seductive, imaginative, loving eyes, but the unexpected did its job. The accident. I focus my attention back on him. I can already sense what he will tell me. I don’t want to hear it. I will open my eyes and end this. I look at him for what I thought would be the last time. I keep my eyes closed.

He takes my other hand and we dance. He smirks as I frantically giggle when his long fingers start to tickle me. We enjoy ourselves for what seems like decades, but we both know that it will soon end. Why did he bring me here? “Luna, I am gone,” he reads my mind. “You have been my hope, my love, and my life. When I am here, I see you every day. Dancing, singing, laughing, smiling at me. It breaks me to know that you are not really doing that. I visit you often. You cry, you scream my name,” his eyes fill with tears. “I know that you are angry. I know that you love me. I love you with every blink of an eye, every song in my fingers, and every word in my mouth. Luna, I love you with my entire being and I always will. But you have to let me go!” his voice breaks down as his red eyes will me to believe him. “I will always be with you, guarding you, protecting you. I will be your guardian angel.” I cry. I cry in all of my sorrow all of my love. He wraps his arms around me as pulls me towards him. How am I supposed to forget him? His voice when he sang to me, his fingers running through my hair, his smile, his laughter. Him. How can I forget him? “I Love you,” I whisper. I could feel him gently sigh.

I open my eyes.