Dreaming of You

Hey Anna! Here to review your poem~

I thought this was quite cute, not in a patronising way but it left me with a smile once I read the last line. I think it's good that you're talking about something that a lot of people can relate to, and I'm sure that many people have felt this way. I also like the way you've punctuated this and left the beginnings of lines not to have capital letters, it helps with the flow loads. Good job!

I'm not going to tell you that poems should never rhyme because it ruins it which is what a lot of people say, so I still think you should keep the rhymes as it suits the poem however sometimes they're a bit off. Not the actual words, but how long you've made the sentences to fit the rhymed word in. When you rhyme, a natural flow gets created, so they should try and be the same length. Try and do a syllable count next time if you want, I've often found that helps.

The other thing I want to mention is about the idea. Sure people can relate to it, but maybe they relate to it a bit too easily? Like, you haven't really included anything personal in here so it makes it seem too general. Most people feel butterflies, but how did YOU feel. Maybe you could also draw on some more personal experiences to give it your own touch!

Overall, I really liked this! Next steps would be try and make it more personal and maybe fix up the flow a bit more. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.

Keep writing and BLACK PLAGUE FOREVER!
~ArcticMonkey x

Hi AnnaKarenina!Have a good day:)

Your poem is kinda short one,but still good to read and nice to digest in my thought.Overall,I love the way you use the words to make the ryhtm flow smoothly.But honestly,the meaning is still confusing me or maybe it have a deep meanings there.your 'dream' is kinda mysterious too(the uncontrolled feeling caused by the incredible/unusual dream you had).

"as the butterflies in my tummy swallow me whole.
My emotions are changing at unbelievable pace,
as I notice a smile on my face."

And at last you tell the reader that you have been dreaming about 'you'(him/her).Anyway,I agree with others comments that you have such a cute poem here actually,just I need to understand it more.Keep writing and good job!

Hello Anna, It has been quite a long time sense I wrote my last review so if this is not really good or helpful please forgive me. But I will do my best.

Okay now, I would say this is very good but there are a few mistakes in it which I will try to help you with.

First I would say something different from "butterflies." also a little before that you wrote "Can't" know this may sound better to some readers as Couldn't, but that is my personal opinion you may dis agree and I am okay with that.

I know this is just a poem but try and have it make some more sense like when you wrote "Swallow me whole" although that does have kind of a nice ring to it so you may want to leave it there.

Know this is less correct.

changing at unbelievable pace,

nice,cute,wonderful,nice conception,though you made a mistake in the third line,"i try do stand but all control flees"don't you think it should be "i try to stand" i don't know,i'm just saying. Your work is great,lovely. As long as you keep on posting good stuff like this,i promise to read,enjoy and review your work...well keep on dreaming about that person and make your dreams into reality...#grins#..........................................................................................................................................................NICEEEEEEEEEEE.................................................i hope you don't mind if i show your work to my friends??????????????............................................anyways,kudos

Hey, blablabl92 here! this is a cute poem! I do have a question though,in the line, "I try do stand but all control flees", it do supposed to be to? Did you purposely make it like that?
I love the lines "I woke up with a feeling I cant control, as the butterflies in my tummy swallow me whole". Those two lines in the beginning were PERFECT rhymes. I also LOVE the lines, "I still don't remember, yet I almost do, And then finally I realize: I've been dreaming of you. Those last two lines were, again, PERFECT, AMAZING, AWESOME!

Keep writing poems for me to read,
Blablabl92

Leo Here to review:-)

Simple and sweet...to start of...liked the rapid progression of the poem...apart from one or two lines where there is a gradual fall of scale...rhythm which we say...the speed is good when you read..."But", I would like you to work upon the following lines, no wonder what you have already written is good, but if you change it in a more better way then it will be more "catchy"....

"My emotions are changing at unbelievable pace,"....You can try to shorten it out, as when you read this line and then go on to the next, there is this "Thud" in rhythm..the link breaks of the rhythm...for if you have to keep it this way, then i guess you have to add "an" before unbelievable..this will more extend the line..so shorten it...(just a suggestion of course)

"as I suddenly feel I'm weak in the knees." no issue with this line but just it will be good if you can break up the line and shorten it..

"I still don't remember, yet I almost do," Okay!!! this line intrigues me a bit...what is it suppose to mean...you remember yet you don't...i know there is this contradictory line used in many works, even we tend to say it sometimes...but in your context, what does it mean???

Other than these, the poem is good and sweet...the excitement of the lover is well expressed...

I try TO stand*** Sorry, forgot to edit!