Smiles Can Hide a Million Words

AWESOME POEM. It is so beautiflul. I couldn't help marvelling as I read it. It is so..........raw beauty and description. There might be a few grammatical errors, but I'll ignore them in favour of the glorious-ness of your poetry.

The lines " I'm almost breaking through the waves of doubt, I'm almost to the shore". are my favourite! They are so touching. The only teeny weeny thing is that you sort of over used "fully" in the last line. Maybe you could change that

Keep it up!

AWESOME POEM. It is so beautiflul. I couldn't help marvelling as I read it. It is so..........raw beauty and description. There might be a few grammatical errors, but I'll ignore them in favour of the glorious-ness of your poetry.

The lines " I'm almost breaking through the waves of doubt, I'm almost to the shore". are my favourite! They are so touching. The only teeny weeny thing is that you sort of over used "fully" in the last line. Maybe you could change that

Keep it up!

Hey, runawaylove here to review your poem and a warm, warm welcome to YWS!
So first of all, like the previous reviewer said, this poem is sincere and it is filled with the emotions that you might have felt when you wrote it. But most of all, people can relate to this poem which, honestly, is the point of writing anything. We write to convey our feelings with the simple use of words to the readers and you have accomplished that flawlessly. So congratulations on that.

Now, I'll talk a little about the construction of the poem. I personally love to read poems that rhyme and as you have read my work, I like to write rhyming poems too. I think this poem would be better organized and would also look better if you divided it into stanzas. It could be divided into 5 lines each stanza and the last two lines could act as an ending. Just a suggestion. That way it wouldn't seem "chaotic" as the first reviewer mentioned. Also, the length of the lines or the words per line increase as the poem descends. That makes it look a bit awkward and upsets the meter of the poem.

Another concern is punctuation. It is a very important tool in poetry. Proper use of punctuation can make the poem look and flow better and also deliver the messages on a stronger note with better pauses. This poem would improve greatly if you could just put in some commas and full stops.
" A smile can shine so bright

with a warm and glowing light,

But sometimes there is a deeper truth

hidden behind the glow,

A deep hurt or cut that people do not know."

Something like this. See? Much better.

Other than that, the title is very nice and catchy. Good job on that, as a good title is the first thing that attracts readers. The descriptions and comparisons used were remarkable. You could pin point the exact emotions that a person goes through during such a time. My favourite lines were:

"The sun is rising, the night is over, a new day is almost here

I think that over you, I have finally cried my last tear

So now maybe the smile shining in the light

Will be fully real and fully mine and maybe it will shine bright."

The way the poem ended on a hopeful note was just amazing. I loved it. The comparisons of the sun rising and the night and the day was beautiful. I am sorry if I am being too harsh. But when I read the work of a writer such as you, I just feel like nitpicking because you have so much potential and with a little polishing, you will be beyond compare. I hope I have been helpful. I am looking forward to read more from you. Keep writing!

Hey hey!

First things first... Welcome to YWS!!!

Okay so this poem was really amazing! There's so much potential here, and I think that lots of it is already wining through. Okay... So how about I stop talking and start reviewing.

So, I sorta want to tell you how I feel about the message in this poem. You have macaws to really put feeling and sincerity in this poem. I think that some poems nowadays are losing there sincerity and originality. But not this one. When I read this I know that there is for sure a story behind it. This was just simply a brainstorm. I could feel the pain and relate to this poem. You have managed to relay a message with sincerity and originality.

This poem hits me at my heart because I have a friend who has gone through this. She has a lot of insecurities and cut. I didn't know until one day she finally told me. When she told me I started to see the pain behind the smile. It was so sad because she is legitimately one of the prettiest girls I know. Anyways, When I read your poem I noticed myself nodding and realizing that I have witnessed this all before. The message, to be honest, was on point.

The thing that attracted me to this poem was the title. I think that it is important to have a good title because people tend to read based on titles, and I don't tink you'll have to worry because your tile was intriguing and made me ask questions. So great job!

For your first poem on this site you have done an excellent. I for know much about you and maybe ou have been writing poetry for a long time, or maybe you have just picked I tip... Whatever the case you have a masterpiece here! You look like a polished writer and I think that the more you write the more you will grow and become even better than you are now. You have a lot potential and I can't wait to see what you do with it!

Anyway I hope to be reading and seeing more of you soon! Keep writing because you have insane talent! The world needs more writers like you

Stay classy and write on.

-Annaclare

Hello, priceofwords here!

I liked the vast amount of imagery you put into this poem, it made the little story you told come to life, so well done for that.

What I also liked was that in the first part of the poem you developed a tone of someone who is confiding in their neighbour, almost teaching them that sometimes people who smile hide the shadows that life so suddenly throws up in front of them. Then, in the second half of the piece the narrator talks about their own experiences and how they have been able to reach recovery. This contrast in the way you portray the narrator, as a teacher but also as a sufferer makes the poem very likeable, and easier for people to relate to.

Some of the lines I particularly liked were ,'But sometimes there is a deeper truth

hidden behind the glow,' because you associate 'deeper' with being considerably darker than 'glow.' This provides a nice contrast within the poem.

One of the things I would say you could improve on would be your rhyme scheme. I understand that in a lot of poems people don't need one, and this is fine. However, your poem is full of rhyming couplets, every two and every three. It makes thing a little chaotic in there and harder to read. You don't have to completely change your rhymes, but maybe taking a few out, or adding a few of the same scheme wouldn't hurt.

As well as this at the margin your sentences are starting in different places. This makes it look a little scruffy, maybe you could neaten it up a little bit? It would really help the poem to flow better.

Apart from that though your poem was a lovely read, you should be very proud of this piece. Please keep up the writing, I look forward to seeing your next piece of work!

priceofwords