That boy that gave you away
That boy who no longer stayed the same
That boy who stands with the pain
That boy who put your heart to shame
It’s not easy to be that boy
As he fumbled on every word he said
That boy made you feel ashamed
He’s the one who is to blame
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
It’s hard to not put the blame on yourself.It’s so easy and we do it too often.But if someone else hurt you in a way,then it’s not your fault.It’s theirs.Like how it’s the toxic friend’s fault for being toxic,not yours.This was a lovely little poem that you made.I hope that you have a fantastic and amazing day and night.
Thank you!! You too
Hey there, Anma, Rebel here for a review! :p
In a cursory glance, this poem is a piece of disappointed in "the boy" who "is to blame". It sounds like a letter of heartbreak and pain that comes after the end of a relationship. But I feel like there are several things that could be changed to make the poem better, but, again, it's yours, so it is you who decides what you do :p
"That boy that gave you away"
First of all, we do not usually "that" when we refer to a person. Maybe it was done as an alliterative note or just a mistake, but it doesn't sound good as the next three lines have "who" after "that boy".
"That boy who no longer stayed the same"
A fine line with no mistakes.
"That boy who stands with the pain"
I feel like this is a out-of-line and confusing line. There are several things that this line might mean - firstly, it could mean that that boy is in pain, or it could also mean that the boy is responsible for the pain inflicted on another. Please change this line to something else, as it is a bit confusing.
"That boy who put your heart to shame"
This line sounds sarcastic and mocking at the same time, although I doubt if it was intentional - still, a fine line.
"It's not easy to be that boy"
This one too feels a bit out-of-place as this puts sympathy on that boy, which I feel like was not ever supposed to be the intention behind it. I think you should rephrase that line.
"As he fumbled on every word he said"
A fine line.
"That boy who made you feel ashamed"
The fourth line might now start to make a little sense - it vaguely represents that the boy might have done something to the poet or revealed something to every one or has simply embarrassed the poet by some means, which is the reason for the poet's anger. But still, this line, as well as the fourth line, is still vague in itself.
"He's the one who is to blame"
The poem started with a grammatical mistake and ended with one, but I doubt if that was intentional. It should have been "who is to be blamed" instead of "who is to blame", that would make better sense grammatically as well as rhythmically.
All in all, the poem can be made a lot better with a little hard work, keep writing! :p
Thank you%u263A%uFE0F