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Commitment

by Anissia


Commitment

Everyone has a fear. No matter what someone may believe, they will always have a fear. The products of fear are unknowing to most, all they know is that they are afraid. Fear is a good thing. Fear lets us know that we are normal. Human. As I sit in the backseat of a taxi I start to think 'what are my fears? Do I have any? Is my fear most common?'. I pondered these thoughts over the duration of my ride. As I reached into my wallet to pay my driver and thank him for the ride I deeply breathed out, as I had come to the realization of my fear. My fear of commitment. That one word has my heart rate increasing and my palms sweaty, being tied down to one person or one activity at a time is my fear. I look for bestfriends, boyfriends, and anything long-term just to have something to hold on to. Even though I know I don't want to, but I force myself to. What are you afraid of?


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55 Reviews


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Reviews: 55

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Mon Aug 17, 2015 2:32 am
mb1221 wrote a review...



Hi, I enjoyed reading this. Great wording with the description of self-discovery, and with realizing what you are afraid of. (And I like the picture, too) :)
You have also done a great job with grammar and punctuation, which is good.
Couple of things though... First of all, you could extend this piece. It seemed just too short to me. This piece has a lot of potential, and within a few more paragraphs you can talk more about how your fear of commitment affects you and the people around you. That way, the reader can understand your emotions and what you are addressing better.
Also, you should never end a piece with a question, especially when it is an article or an essay, even if it is a very short one like this. Written pieces are there to answer the reader's or the self's questions. When you end a piece with a question, you will still things unanswered, which is a big turn off for the readers. (This applies to academic piece written for school, too.)
Other than those two things I mentioned, it is an amazing work. With a few tweaks this piece would be just perfect. I hope that is helpful.
Keep up the great work :)
~mb1221




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52 Reviews


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Fri Aug 07, 2015 6:36 pm
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HiImAndy says...



Hi Andy here to leave a nice little review. I really liked this piece. In my opinion it was very well written. I feel like there should be some kind of break between the beginning and where you start about the taxi. Like that should be the beginning of a new paragraph or something. However, it's still good the way it is.

Your question at the end had me thinking of my own fear. If I had to say what it is, it would be The Unknown. I hate not knowing how things will work, where I'll be in a few years. The Unknown is something that's always been feared in my world.

Again I really liked this, keep up the good work. Welcome to YWS, hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Hope to see more from you.

Hope you enjoyed this review.




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52 Reviews


Points: 297
Reviews: 52

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Fri Aug 07, 2015 6:36 pm
HiImAndy says...



Hi Andy here to leave a nice little review. I really liked this piece. In my opinion it was very well written. I feel like there should be some kind of break between the beginning and where you start about the taxi. Like that should be the beginning of a new paragraph or something. However, it's still good the way it is.

Your question at the end had me thinking of my own fear. If I had to say what it is, it would be The Unknown. I hate not knowing how things will work, where I'll be in a few years. The Unknown is something that's always been feared in my world.

Again I really liked this, keep up the good work. Welcome to YWS, hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Hope to see more from you.

Hope you enjoyed this review.




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52 Reviews


Points: 297
Reviews: 52

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Fri Aug 07, 2015 6:35 pm
HiImAndy wrote a review...



Hi Andy here to leave a nice little review. I really liked this piece. In my opinion it was very well written. I feel like there should be some kind of break between the beginning and where you start about the taxi. Like that should be the beginning of a new paragraph or something. However, it's still good the way it is.

Your question at the end had me thinking of my own fear. If I had to say what it is, it would be The Unknown. I hate not knowing how things will work, where I'll be in a few years. The Unknown is something that's always been feared in my world.

Again I really liked this, keep up the good work. Welcome to YWS, hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Hope to see more from you.

Hope you enjoyed this review.




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Thu Aug 06, 2015 4:18 pm
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ChipsMcCoy wrote a review...



Hello and welcome to YWS. I'll be reviewing your poem.

This was an interesting piece of work. Fear is indeed what many struggle with at one point or another in their individual lives. I particularly liked the tone you used in the work, it was inquisitive and felt almost nostalgic in mood. The picture also highlighted that.

However, I do have some suggestions which may be of help to you.

I thought it as the beginning of a essay at some points, then in the middle - towards the end of your work it was more like a short story. So I suppose assigning it as "other" was right.

In a sense I think you should have entitled it, "Fear" as opposed to, "Commitment" as the work focused more on the aspect and concept of fear more so. I also think the title of commitment hindered the mystery the work could have had as it directly tells the reader before they even click on it what the character's fear will be before even reading it.

"No matter what someone may believe, they will always have a fear."

Here, instead of "someone", the word *anyone* would be more grammatically correct.

"Fear is a good thing."

This is quite a bold statement which could be up for debate. Most people, in my opinion don't enjoy being in fear or having fears for that matter, most would seek to overcome their fears. Fear can be a dangerous thing most of the time. I would have liked you to elaborate on this in this piece.

I would have liked this piece to be longer actually, it could've been very philosophical.

Overall, interesting work. Keep writing! I hope this review was of help to you.

--Chips




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Thu Aug 06, 2015 2:57 pm
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burninhell wrote a review...



A nice piece of writing. Really makes you think. You've really captured how hard it is to think of the one thing that you are more afraid of than all others. I know because now I cant stop thinking about what it is that I fear, and I'm not entirely sure. But the fear of commitment the way you describe it, makes me feel as though I should add it to my list.
But yeah, well written :)
Also, that's a seriously good photograph!
So yeah, amazingly thought provoking, it's great! :)





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