"Carefull there are metal birds here"Glose cationed. They are drones idiot
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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
And it seems our adventure continues here. Looks like the mystery of Marcus' powers is being resolved here and those certainly are some very cool powers. Definitely understand why Janet appears to still be jealous of them despite the fact that she also has some pretty powerful abilities herself. The little discussion about the professor is also quite nice I think just establishing exactly what it is they're currently trying to do while surviving in this place. I think that's going really well so far.
The way you interrupted the conversation with a quick battle was also really quite cool I think. Gives us nice moment of combat to get to know those powers and its a great way to introduce what looks like the next big threat to face. I'm looking forward to seeing how much of a role the robots play.
Overall I think this is very well done here. You've really brought it to life with this new development of the robots and that mention of drones. I can't wait to see what more is to come here. This is getting very exciting now.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Thanks for the review.
If i make any mistakes or you want to share your idea, notify me with a comment or review.
Good morning, friend! My name is Ellie and I am here to leave a review on this lovely piece of yours. Let's get right into the review!
This should be written like:
"So, how do we get out of here?" I asked.
"Do you know where the professor is?" Glose asked.
"Maybe. I saw him once," Janet said.
"Hundred percent sure he is in the forest spying to see if we've got powers," I replied, looking around.
Also, I love this story and it is super engaging
So, make sure that you have spaces after the " and the next word. And use the question mark ? for the end of questions, or a comma , at the end of a speaking part before, " he said or she said or I said.
This part above can be edited a little to look like:
"Robots," Glose announced.
"My brain wants to stop it," I said, as I stopped it and sent it to a robot. Then it exploded.
"Is that an explosive bullet?" Janet asked, as a robot fired at us. A shield, made out of electricity, appeared on my hand and the bullet repelled.
^^Just edit the spelling of the words repelled and appeared and your spelling is perfect!! Another thing I noticed a couple of times is that the word I is not capitalized. Normally in a chapter we would capitalize that, but there are lots of examples of poetry where we don't capitalize it for the lowercase aesthetic. So it is up to you as a writer to decide how you want your writing to go, which is the fun part! So overall, this story is looking amazing!! It is super engaging and packed with lots of action. I am really really looking forward to reading the next part. My biggest pieces of advice would be: 1) remember the spacing after you use " to end a sentence. 2 )Capital letters. and 3) Maybe break it up a bit more. You can have each persons line of dialogue on a different line, like I did in my formatting above.
Amazing work!! Cant wait to read more
Your friend,
Ellie