Isaac

by AnimarretWriting

Published August 1, 2017

18+ Language

In SUOOR

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

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     All he could remember was the noise. The screams, the yelling, the boots. Everything else was dark. Forgotten. Lost. Even in the countless hours spent in solitude, he couldn't remember what happened. Just screams, then the darkness.

     The light was blinding. It burnt his eyes with its brilliance. He tried to stand. His body ached and groaned as he climbed to his knees.

     Above him, a tall, horned man stood, a vial in his right hand. A grimace of confusion and disgust covered his face.

     After a moment of recovering from the sudden shock, Isaac realized that he was completely naked. He made a desperate attempt to cover himself, and flashed an awkward grin at the man.

     “Um, hi,” He croaked.

     The man stared at him, now more in confusion than anger. “You're... supposed to be pepper,” He mumbled. His voice was deep and gravelly. “Why are you naked in my kitchen? Who the hell are you?”

     “Good questions,” Isaac answered. “I'm Isaac, I think, and I have no clue as to why I'm in your kitchen. Or why I'm naked. Speaking of which, do you have any clothes to spare?”

     The man nodded, and disappeared into the other room, leaving Isaac alone in the kitchen.

     Isaac started to stand. His legs were numb, and they gave out. He tried to catch himself, and slammed his hand down on top of the stove.

     “Ow, fuck!” Isaac fell to the ground, his hand throbbing from the heat.

     The man came back in with clothes thrown across his arm. “What was that?”

     “I accidentally touched the stove.”

     The man looked down at him. “Why?”

     “I tried to break my fall. Didn’t work.”

     The man smirked, and held out a clawed hand. Isaac took it with his unburned hand, and stood.

     “Hey, you can walk.” The horned man looked at the clothes, then back at Isaac. “You can try these on, but I doubt they’ll fit you,” He said, holding out the clothes.

     Isaac took them, and put them on while the horned man stirred some vegetables in a pan on the stove.

     “I’m supposed to be pepper?”

     “What?”

     “When you first saw me, you mumbled, ‘you’re supposed to be pepper’. What was that all about?”

     “I needed pepper for the vegetables, and I grabbed a vial that looked like pepper. Sara keeps a bunch of unlabeled spices, so I didn’t think anything of it. Until you popped out of it, at least.”

     “Oh.” Isaac turned to the man. “I think you were right. These clothes don’t fit.” The t-shirt that the man had given him barely clung to his body, and he had to hold the sweatpants to keep them up.

     The horned man turned around, and smirked again. “You’re right, they don’t. Sara has some clothes that might fit you. They’re smaller. They’re women’s clothes though. Hope you don’t mind.”

     “Not at all!”

     “Follow me then.”

     Isaac followed the horned man upstairs. They walked to the end of the hallway, where the man knocked on the door.

     “What is it, Michael? I’m trying to sleep.”

     “In the middle of the day? You’re a witch, not a vampire, Sara.”

     A small, blonde woman opened the door. “Night shift, asshole. I thought you knew this by now.” She peered at Isaac. “Who’s this? Your girlfriend?”

     “No. Your pepper turned into a person.”

     Sara gave him a confused look for a moment, then recognition washed over her face. “You let out the djinni?”

     “Djinni?” Michael asked.

     “An old friend gave it to me. Said if I needed any help, to release it.”

     “Well, his name is Isaac, and he needs to borrow some clothes.”

     “Oh, sure. Just go on and pick somethin’ out for yourself, Isaac. The bathroom’s across the hall.”

     “Thank you, Miss.” Isaac nodded politely, and opened the closet. There weren’t many clothes inside; just a handful of shirts and a few pants, and some scrubs. A couple dresses hung here and there. One was a deep blue, with thick, white stripes crossing the top. He plucked it off the shelf and turned around. Sweat began to form on the palms of his hands, and he could feel his legs shake beneath him. “Can… can I wear this?” He asked quietly. His face felt hot, and a lump formed in his throat as he heard nothing but silence.

     “Sure!” Sara chirped. “Wear what you like. I don’t wear those dresses much anyways.”

     “Thank you, Miss,” He managed. He made his way to the bathroom, and breathed a shaky sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him. As he began to get dressed, he could hear Michael and Sara talking in the other room.

     “A djinni?”

     “Yes. They’re kept by some witches.”

     “For what?”

     “Depends. Some use them for company, others for hitmen, or soldiers, or servants.”

     “So they’re slaves?”

     “Basically, yes. The curse of the djinni is that the they are indebted to whoever opens the bottle. That’s where the whole three wishes idea came from. Isaac is bound to do as you say, regardless of what it is. If you told him to kill his own mother, he would be obligated to do so.”

     “Why do you have him?”

     “Like I said, an old friend gave that vial to me. I just haven’t had a use for a djinni.”

     “Is there any way to break the curse?”

     “Yes. You break the bottle. Only problem with that is then you kill the djinni too.”

     Isaac listened to them while he fumbled with the dress. It was a bit too slim for him. He tried sucking in his gut, and felt strange movement around his stomach. The area tingled, and he began to fill slimmer. He lifted up the dress in a hurry, and saw that the area had become a collection of gray ash, and began reforming itself into a skinnier body type. Shocked and slightly disturbed, he pulled the dress back down, and realized it now fit him more comfortably than before. He opened the bathroom door, and returned to the other room. By now, Sara and Michael had begun to raise their voices at one another.

     “Hey, guys?” Isaac murmured.

     “You can’t just leave someone in a vial, Sara.”

     “What else was I supposed to do with it?”

     “That’s a person, not an it.”

     “A djinni is nothing more than ash, Michael. They can’t even live on their own, at least not sanely.”

     “Guys?”

     “I’m sure Isaac will be fine on his own. Can’t I give him control of himself?”

     “Not completely. There’s no way to give a djinni ownership of itself. Not truly.”

     “Guys!”

     “Isaac, go wait downstairs!” Michael snarled.

     Isaac whirled around and found himself descending the staircase. It felt as though he had no control over his own movements, and try as he did to return, he couldn’t will his body to comply. He sat down on the couch, feeling rather disturbed by the whole situation. He absently kneaded the skirt of the dress, thinking over what he knew of his current situation. He could still hear them arguing upstairs, but couldn’t make out what they were saying.

     After some time of intense yelling, an irritated Michael stomped down the stairs.

     “Michael…” Isaac mumbled.

     “What?” He snapped.

     “What’s wrong with me?”

     Michael sat next to the djinni, and let out a huge sigh. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

     “Why can’t I control myself?”

     “It’s just what you are.”

     “So what, am I your slave now?”

     “I’m not going to treat you like a slave, if that’s what you mean.”

     “Treat me like one or not, that’s all I am, right? Just a bunch of ash in the form of a servant. No free will, no freedom. Just servitude, or death.”

     “Would you rather be dead?”

     “No. I’m too much of a coward for that. I can’t say I’m the live free or die type.”

     Sara slunk down the steps. “I’m going out. We need pepper for dinner tonight.”

     Michael’s eyes widened. “Fuck!” He barked, running into the kitchen. Isaac followed him. The vegetables he had been cooking were beyond saving.

     “Jesus, Michael, you’re lucky you didn’t burn the house down!” Sara gasped.

     “Sorry, the naked man in the kitchen was a little distracting. Can you add- let’s see- green beans, mushrooms, and onions to your list?”

     “Sure thing! I’ll see you boys in a bit. Wait, Isaac, you do- you do consider yourself a boy, right?”

     Isaac nodded. “Yes, Miss. I just like the clothing, that’s all.”

     “Alrighty then. I’ll see you two in a bit-”

     “Miss?”

     “Please, just call me Sara. What is it?”

     “What’s all this djinni business? I’m confused.”

     “Oh, just don’t worry about that.”

     “But I don’t know what’s going on. Can’t you just explain-”

     “Not now, Isaac. I have to go. Goodbye.”

     Sara slammed the door without a second glance.

     “Michael, was it just me, or did she seem agitated?”

     “You’re a bit of a sensitive topic right now.”

     “Why? I just want to know what I am-”

     “We aren’t discussing this right now, Isaac.”

     Isaac huffed. “As you wish. I’m going to go explore the area a bit.”

     “In that outfit?”

     “Yeah. What else?”

     “Isaac, there’s a lot of people here who won’t accept a guy in a skirt.”

     “So? Fuck ‘em, they don’t have to like me.”

     “Fine. Just don’t get yourself kidnapped.”

     “As you wish,” Isaac grumbled as he walked out the front door. When he had shut it behind him, Isaac let out an irritated huff. “Don’t get kidnapped,” He mimicked in a deep voice. “What the hell’s his problem? I’m not fucking five. Jesus.”

     He didn’t expect to see a city outside the house. It had seemed quiet while he was inside, but when he stepped out, he was greeted with the sounds of people and cars bustling down the street. Fragments of conversations blew through his mind as he explored the sidewalks. He had to walk a few blocks before he was out of neighborhoods and houses, but Isaac soon found himself in a hub of local shops. Various shops paraded the downtown streets. Clothing, antiques, and toys danced in the periphery of Isaac’s vision, and he found himself wishing he had some cash.

     He nearly tripped over a large box sitting outside a secondhand bookstore. The box had FREE BOOKS! scrawled on its side. Isaac squatted down, and searched tenderly through the mess of worn paperbacks. After a few minutes of searching, he chose two of them, titled Anthem and Lamb.

     “Disgusting! You two shouldn’t be so open, especially not in public!”Isaac turned. Across the street, two women were sitting together at a restaurant table outside. They were holding hands across its surface.

     The man who was yelling jabbed an accusing finger in their direction. “I don’t want my children to see that! You should keep it to yourselves.”

     The two women remained silent, as the rest of the people in the area stared at the scene. Isaac could see some exchanging secret words behind shielded ears, while others stood up and began yelling along with the man. A few others remained silent and scared.

     “Hey, you!” Isaac hollered. The man turned to look at him.

     “What?”

     “What’s your problem? A couple of women really bother you that much?”

     “That behavior is sin! What’s your problem to where you condone it?”

     “Oh, I don’t know, that maybe people deserve to live their lives the way they please? Y’know, without having to deal with your loud-ass mouth spewing nonsensical BS about people you don’t fucking know!”

     “You’re just as bad as them! Those clothes are for women, not men.”

     Isaac began to storm towards the man. Car horns blared at him as he jaywalked across the busy road. “Says who? It’s still the same materials, Asshat. A dress is just a long shirt you don’t have to wear pants with.” Isaac stopped right outside the fenced-in courtyard of the restaurant, and glared at the man above him.

     “You fags know you’re all going to Hell, right?”

     Isaac smirked at the man. “Then I guess I’ll see you there, Fuckface.”

     The man swung a burly arm at Isaac, but he managed to move out of the way just in time, and took off down the street. He looked back to find the man chasing him. Isaac picked up speed, only slightly regretting his decision. He rounded corners and tore across traffic to escape the man, and soon lost him by tearing across busy traffic and nearly getting run over by a semi-truck. As he stopped to catch his breath, Isaac realized he had, in fact, been hit. His eyes widened as he looked back and saw half his leg in the middle of the road. He quickly glanced down, and saw his weight being supported by thin lines of ash that drifted from what remained of his left leg. The leg in the middle of the street had already begun to turn to ash, and drift back towards Isaac. They attached to the thin sinews of what had remained, and started to reform Isaac’s leg. Dark gray shifted into white, then red, and finally, the light tan that matched Isaac’s skin.

     Isaac slid down to the ground, and took several deep breaths before trying to comprehend the situation. He looked between his new leg and the busy road. Blood still stained the pavement, but Isaac couldn't find so much as a bruise on his own body. He thought back to the bathroom, where his body had changed to become slimmer, and wondered if anything could really hurt him. Sara seemed to know quite a bit about what he was, and could help so long as she was willing to explain.

     It was at this point, that Isaac realized he hadn’t the slightest clue where he was. In fact, he could barely remember what the house looked like.

     “Well, fuck,” Isaac sighed, and picked himself off the ground. He figured he couldn’t walk back the way he’d come; the man might still be there, and he was best avoided. Isaac wasn’t paying much attention to the streets or directions he had taken either, and he hoped he could remember enough landmarks to get him back. He began to walk towards an area that looked familiar, and hoped he was going the right way.

     Isaac scoured these “familiar areas” for what he was sure was at least a couple hours before he finally slumped against the brick wall of an old church. The sky was turning a deep gray, and the cool breeze drifting through the air told Isaac it was going to rain soon. He sighed, and began to read Lamb. People had begun to filter into the old church for an evening sermon. Most didn’t see him curled up in the shadow of the building, and the few that did ignored him, or talked to their friends and family in cruel, hushed voices. Isaac felt a drop of water tap his shoulder. Another hit the page of his book.

     “Shit!” He barked. A couple walking into the church jumped, then glared at him. He slammed the book shut, and hopped off the ground. He began to run, desperate for cover in the hopes that the paperbacks could be saved. It was beginning to rain harder. Isaac held the two books close to his chest, and bent over to cover them with his body. He loped through the slowly emptying streets, searching desperately to find anything that he recognized. He dodged people as he ran down the sidewalks. After a few minutes of the frantic running, he slammed into someone, and fell to the ground.

     The man was tall and seemingly muscular. Blood-red hair burned dryly beneath a large, dark navy umbrella. He smiled. “Hey there, need a hand?” He asked as he reached towards Isaac.

     Isaac took his hand. “My apologies, Sir. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

    The man laughed. “Oh, it’s no problem, uhhm…”

     “Isaac.”

     “Well it’s nice to meet you Isaac. You can call me Jacob. Now, what are you doing out in this rain without any cover?”

     “I don't have an umbrella, and it was nice out until God decided to take a piss on the city.”

     “Why don't I escort you, then? This umbrella has enough room for two.” Jacob held his umbrella over Isaac.

     “Thank you, Jacob.”

     “Now then, where’s a nice lad like yourself headed off to in this weather?”

     “Home, I hope.”

     “Hmm?”

     “I’m… new here. There’s these people I met, and they offered me a place to stay, but I got lost and can’t find my way back to the house. Embarrassing, right?”

     Jacob laughed. “It’s alright, I’m new here myself. Let’s walk this way for a bit then. If anything looks familiar, speak up.”

     “That’s just it though, it all looks the same! Seen one city, you’ve seen ‘em all, right?”

     “I’d be inclined to disagree. Yes, cities do have many common characteristics, but they all have their own culture. You’ll see it if you know to look.”

     “Fair point.”

     Isaac realized it was becoming quite dark out, and the crowds of people were dwindling fast. He turned to the man walking alongside him, to find that he had vanished. He saw his long jacket peek from around the corner.

     “Jacob, where are you going?”

     The man had taken a sharp turn to the right. Isaac rounded the corner, and found Jacob in the alleyway. He was doubled over, gasping for air.

     “Dude, are you okay? Because if you’re gonna puke, I’m sorry, but I’d rather not see that shit.”

     Jacob didn’t answer.

     “Jacob? You- you need me to call somebody or something?” Isaac took a few steps toward the man.

     Jacob swiveled and grabbed Isaac. He threw a large hand over Isaac’s mouth, and his coughing became a deep chuckle.

     “Are you really that dense, Tranny? You know you’re not supposed to talk to strangers.”

     The man’s once kind voice had been replaced by a cruel laugh and a sneering whisper. Isaac flailed in a desperate attempt to escape, but Jacob was much stronger, and began to drag him to the back of the alley. Tears began to form in Isaac’s eyes, and he tried to scream for help, but what little noise he could make was muffled by the man’s heavy hand. Jacob bit Isaac’s neck, and drew back quickly. He let go of Isaac, who scrambled a few feet away before freezing.

     “Ah, what the fuck was that?” Jacob spat. Isaac saw ash fall from the man’s mouth as he spoke. The djinni grabbed his neck quickly, and felt a large indent where Jacob had bit him. The man turned to him, and Isaac was no longer sure that Jacob was human.

     Jacob’s eyes seemed to glow like those of a cat, and long fangs caught glimpses of light as he smirked. Once clean, filed nails were now talons, thick and curved like a bird of prey, and blood dripped from his fingers where they grew and tore at the skin. He lunged at Isaac.

     Isaac cowered. He didn’t feel the teeth or talons rip into him. His body felt disjointed, and numb. When he opened his eyes, he saw a million broken fragments, like bug’s vision. A frustrated snarl from the creature above Isaac echoed. The djinni drifted upward, away from the beast, and he began to feel his arms and head again. The fragments dissipated and became whole. Isaac looked down, and saw that a cloud of ash replaced his legs. The blue dress he wore was now on the ground.

     “What the… what the fuck?”

     Jacob stared up at him, and snarled in anger.

     Isaac gulped, and willed his body to move. He found himself flying upwards, away from the demon below. It didn’t last, however. The creature screamed, and Isaac watched as two bat-framed wings tore through Jacob’s suit. The creature’s glowing eyes focused on the ash trail as it began to lift from the ground. Isaac flew faster, and the creature followed close behind.

     While flying over, Isaac saw two people below. A small woman in a raincoat and a man with large horns were calling his name. Isaac, wishing to be on the ground with them, felt his waist and legs begin to form again. He forced the thought out of his mind and thought instead of flying down. Just down.

     Within seconds, he was next to them. Before words could be exchanged, the creature landed on the ground with a heavy thud. It stood on two legs again.

     “Get your ass back here, Tranny,” The creature growled.

     “It can still talk?” Isaac mumbled.

     Without hesitation, Michael stepped forward. Sara stood next to Isaac.

     “So, this your little family you told me about?” The creature growled. “Fine. I’ll let you go this time. You’d just better hope I don’t see that pretty little face of yours around again.” The creature turned, and lifted his wings to the sky.

     Sara breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and pulled Isaac into a rough hug. “Thank the stars you’re safe.”

     After Isaac was released from Sara’s grip, Michael gestured at Isaac’s crotch. “Again?”

     Isaac covered himself the best he could. “Sorry, the dress came off whenever I… changed…”

     “C’mon, you two. Isaac, I brought a spare change of clothes because I figured you would get wet from the rain. We’ll discuss all this when we get home.”

     “Shit! My books!” Isaac had dropped them in the alley. “Can we run and grab them?”

     “If you can find where you dropped them. When did you buy books?”

     “I didn’t,” Isaac said as he walked down the darkened street. “They were free.”

     Unlike the rest of the day, Isaac wasn’t lost and quickly found the books. Fortunately, the buildings had covered them from most water damage, so they were still readable. After retrieving the books, the three returned home. Sara pointed out several landmarks on the way for Isaac, but very little was retained, as he was still pondering over the night’s events. He also felt very suddenly tired, and could barely walk in a straight line.

    Nearly the second they walked in the door, Isaac passed out on the couch. Sara and Michael covered him with a thin blanket, and retired to their rooms.

     The next day, the three sat on the couch and discussed the situation.

     “A vampire?”

     “Yes, Isaac, a vampire. A powerful one at that, which is why he could transform, and walk in the daylight, and such. I’m not sure why he decided to leave us alone at the moment, but I would be more wary of who you talk to, for a while, at least.”

     “I understand.”

     “Fortunately, your body doesn’t have a truly solid form, so they can’t really do damage. It would be like trying to attack water. But that’s also the confusing part too.”

     “What?”

     “Vampires can smell blood, especially if they’re hungry. Even sadistic vampires tend to go after things they can feed on. It was strange he went after you if there was no blood scent to follow.”

     “Sara, why don’t you talk to him about djinnis,” Michael urged. “He needs to know.”

     “I understand. Isaac, you’re a djinni. It’s sort of like a spirit. They’re basically dead people who are cursed to live in some sort of container until someone releases them. They are then indebted to this person. Essentially, you’re Michael’s slave.”

     “Wha… what? I’m dead?”

     “Yep. Djinnis are made from some people whose’ bodies were cremated. Some witches had found a way to trap the soul in urns where these ashes were kept. Basically, you’re just made of your own dead ashes, which is why you can change form and aren’t hurt very easily.”

     “I’m dead, and made of ashes?”

     “Yes. Now, I wouldn’t recommend using those little shapeshifting abilities too much. Using one main form won’t drain much of your energy. You’ll probably feel just like you did when you were alive, and get tired after long days and such, and have to sleep. But all that flying takes up a lot more energy. It’s kind of like trying to run a marathon. You can do it after plenty of training fairly safely, but you’re gonna pass out if you just jump in after a nice spring walk.”

     “Uh… uhm… okay, I guess?”

     “It’s okay if it doesn’t make sense right away,” Michael assured him. “You’ll get used to everything soon enough.”

     “Yep!” Sara chirped. “Now, let’s go buy some clothes for you! Or, are you still too tired from last night?”

     “No, I’m good to go.”

     For several hours, Isaac and Sara traveled around the city’s clothing stores, trying on dresses and skirts of all patterns and colors. Isaac even found a rainbow-colored umbrella to bring with the next time a storm was brewing. Eventually, the two came home covered in plastic bags.

     “You two are gonna put one hell of a dent in the grocery bill,” Michael mumbled as he helped them inside.

                                                                                  * * * * *

     Rahmiel pulled his thin jacket tighter as a harsh gust of wind blew past. Rain drops hit his face as the wind pulled them along. It had been a few weeks since he’d last seen the vampire hanging around the city alleys. Still, he looked behind himself every once in awhile, to be sure he couldn’t see the flash glowing cat eyes in the shadows. He sighed, and stared absentmindedly at the light, waiting for it to change. Most people were indoors, or walked quietly along. The shock of a loud, obnoxious voice carrying down the street came as quite a shock, especially when the content was quite offensive when walking past a church.

     “God thinks you’re a waste of flesh, oh, oh. God prefers an atheist. Oh, oh, God, God! God thinks all people like you are hateful, God think all people like you are an embarrassment to creation-”

     Rahmiel stared in disbelief at the man in drag. He was singing, very loudly, down the street. If his speech wasn’t so clear, he would have thought the man was drunk, by the staggered steps he took down the street. The few people outside were irritated, and many yelled for him to shut up and be respectful. One man in particular had yelled “Tranny” at the crossdresser, and was promptly given the finger. The man was about to walk past Rahmiel, who pulled his jacket even tighter. The singing suddenly stopped.

     “Excuse me.” Rahmiel felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He turned quickly, and found himself face to face with the man in drag.

     “Excuse me, but do you have an umbrella or anything to cover yourself with?”

     “N-no,” Rahmiel stumbled out.

     The man smiled. “You know what, I have a hood on this jacket anyway. Here,” He said, handing Rahmiel the umbrella.

     “O-oh, no thank you, Sir.”

     “Please. You’ll catch a cold out here like that. I don’t like umbrellas all that much anyway,” The man urged, and pushed the umbrella into Rahmiel’s gloved hands.

     “But-”

     “It’s okay man, it was like ten bucks. Besides, you need it more than I do.”

     “But-”

     “Hopefully I’ll see you around sometime,” The man called as he walked away.

     Rahmiel stood on the corner, speechless. Still in shock, he turned around to find that the light had changed.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
PastelSlushie
Review
PastelSlushie wrote a review Review · Aug 10, 2017

Hello, AnimarretWriting! PastelSlushie here for a review. Let's get right into it!

NITPICKS (I'll provide 10, do what you want with them)

1) He made a desperate attempt to cover himself, and flashed an awkward grin at the man.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

2) He tried to catch himself, and slammed his hand down on top of the stove.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

3) The man smirked, and held out a clawed hand.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

4) Isaac took it with his unburned hand, and stood.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

5) The horned man turned around, and smirked again.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

6) Isaac nodded politely, and opened the closet.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

7) He made his way to the bathroom, and breathed a shaky sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

8 ) The curse of the djinni is that the they are indebted to whoever opens the bottle.
^ Remove the word the before they in this sentence.

9 ) "...Only problem with that is then you kill the djinni too.”
Add the in the beginning of the sentence.

10) He tried sucking in his gut, and felt strange movement around his stomach.
^ Remove the comma in this sentence.

OVERALL OPINION
I think this piece has a lot of potential. The writing flows smoothly and I found it to be quite humorous in the beginning. Issac's personality is something I enjoyed highly, it seems like he would have the same reactions and personalities of a person if it happened to them in real life.

You have quite a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes in this piece. My Grammarly picked up around 60. I only showed ten because I didn't want the whole review to be me correcting your mistakes. I'd suggest downloading Grammarly for your future writing pieces. Better yet, it's free!

Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or if you disagree with anything in my review.

Pastel

Thank you for the critique! I've heard of that website, I'll have to check it out. I'll keep those tips in mind for future writing!

User avatar
writingleos7
Review
writingleos7 wrote a review Review · Aug 2, 2017

Hi! I think you have a great piece going here and Isaac looks like a character with potential and discovery, especially with inevitable struggle. Your writing flows pretty well other than that you just need to be clear with your dialogue at times. Like when Isaac is saying something - how is he saying it/and to who and for other characters too. Obviously you don't have to be so specific when it gets to two character exchanges but sometimes those can be confusing too if you're not careful with structuring. But you definitely have a great potential for this protagonist and his search for independence - especially with finding those who will support him in his journey or wont. And remember to keep in mind what/who would keep him driven in his hunger for freedom. Great job.

Thank you for the critique! I'll keep that in mind for future writing.



You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese