Looking down at me was nothing other than a dragon. It's massive, golden head hovered over me, and it's beady, blue eyes were locked onto mine. Puffs of smoke rose from it's nostrils. After a minute or two of staring in disbelief, the beast's head shook and it closed it's eyes, as if trying to shake himself out of a daydream. When he spoke, his voice sounded like ice hitting stained windows.
"What are you doing here, female human?" It roared. A gulp went down my throat.
"Er, hi, mister, dragon, er, sir. I-I'm Whincine, or, Er, Winnie Sc-Scarletta." I stuttered. I spoke again, my voice clearer, and more confadent this time. "I am the daughter of king Arthor Scarletta, and Gina Scarletta. I have been sent to take back the, um, horses, that you took." The dragon curiously studied me, than scowled.
"Those horses are mine." He roared. "And any member of the royal family deserves to be BURNT."
Since this is not the first time I have dealt with dragons, I kinda knew what to expect. The dragon continued to speak.
"My name is Vicori." He spoke. "I have taken those horses and I am not giving them back."
"But those horses were ours!" I complained. We bought them!
"They weren't happy. They told me that they were used for war and newly died, and that the king kept them in a little stable, and that he always just had to dress them up." Vicori shouted. But I was still puzzeled.
"Horses can't talk." I said.
"Yes, but I can communicate with them in such a way that a human would never understand." He told me.
"But you still did the wrong thing. We bought those horses. And it is not right to take other people's property." I said.
Vicori stared right into my eyes, and said something that I will never forget,
"Sometimes, doing the right thing means you must do something that's not right."
And he stepped off, leaving me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I kinda don't understand the story at all really. The ending was nice yes, but really its a story I dont understand. You also missed a few "" around a part that was talking. Other then that it seems to be in good shape I suppose. Sorry if I sound harsh, its not written well enough for me to understand it. Im sorry, but I do hope some adive I gave will help you become more detailed of a writer!
~~Robbin
Nice ending. It was short, and it seemed like an excerpt (did I spell that right?) but it was very nice. Perhaps just a few more really wow words could be used to describe the dragon, but not too many more, since you already have a nice balance. The girl seems to almost be whining to the dragon, and I thought that was a little funny. "But we bought them!" :3 I liked the dragon a lot, too. I don't know if the question about, "Wait, horses can't talk," was really necessary since we can probably figure out that the dragon can do that, but others might think differently. Overall, I enjoyed this little piece very much.
Keep writing!
-Dai
Thanks for pointing out those errors. No, we bought them is supposed to be just a thought, and I will fix my spelling error. THANKS!
Haha, it was great! I liked it a lot. It was short enough that I didn't have to invest that much time into reading it, and long enough so you could actually make an enjoyable story out of it. Great Job! Keep Writing!
I liked this
Very good written, i loved when you said:
. I do have a few errors I will point out.Is it sopossed to be royal family?
Is We Bought them sopossed to be in quotations? Because I'm thinking it should be.
I like how you concluded the story too! It was a little short though =[ Still good!
I didn't mean to put that many...how do you delete them??? =[