NOTE: "~" this is a long extended note.
You broke my heart;
you made me cry.
You ripped my wings
so I can't fly.
I trusted you to love me
and this is what you do?
I listened to your words,
I thought our love was true.
You broke my heart;
you made me cry.
You ripped my wings
so I can't fly.
Oh, to you~
love's a passion.
It's a game~
it's a fashion.
But to me~
love is real.
And my heart~
is what you steal.
I trusted you to love me,
and this is what you do?
I listened to your words,
I thought our love was true.
You broke my heart;
you made me cry.
You ripped my wings
so I can't fly.
Oh my heart~
longs for love.
But to whom~
can I ask it of?
Will you be my prince?
Will you be the one?
Will you treat me right?
Will you be my shining sun?~
You broke my heart;
you made me cry.
You ripped my wings
so I can't fly.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Ooh wow I liked this. I found two typos, though.
One: "I thought out love was true". I think you mean : "OUR love was true"
and Two: "WIll you be my prince? " You accidentally capitalized the I, as you can tell...
Um, overall, I liked this song. It's just that next time I think you should make it longer , because right now it is quite a short song. Okay, That's it! I liked it.
Hey there Angel! I'm Kat ^^
First off, this was good, I liked it. just a few nit-picks:
As I read through the piece, I gained the conclusion that it would sound better if you changed the "so" to something like "now". This is just a suggestion, dear.
The only thing here is the time. I think "steal" should be "stole", even if that messes up the rhyming.
The ninth stanza doesn't fit. Because you talk about how he broke your heart, so why are you asking if he will be something?
That's all I got Angel.
*Kat*
PM me if you need anything!
That was not just an attempt at writing a song. That was really good!
i love music and this sounds like something i would like to listen to.
Keep writing songs because that one was awesome.