''What is death?'', I ask.
"The end of life.
The perishing of a body.
The traveling of a soul
Through an endless hole.
A hole of time,
A hole a space,
A hole that leads to
an endless place."
"Why be so pessimistic?" I ask
"I'll just say
''They've drunk the Draught of Peace
and fallen off to endless sleep.
Greeted by eternal peace,
They begin their journey a new.
"Their soul is free,
No longer influenced by
Joys and grief.
For reborn they shall be,
But as what we shall see
Only as time passes by
and as time passes by."''
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
The *insert petname or name whichever here*
<3
Surprise surprise! I finally joined this site... nice surprise no?
Anyways, I loovvvvveeeee all your poems and you know it! So that's my review right there
Loads of love,
Guess who?
I loved this writing. It had a kind of flow to it. I loved how someone was asking someone questions, obviously someone more wiser than the asker. I don't have much to say, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.
Deanie x
I SOOO loved it!!
Wow!
There's something I want to say though...
In this part:
Don't you think this would be even better if "endless places" was just " (an) endless place"?? I think it would make more sense.
Anyway... It is awesome!
Congratulations and let us hear from you again soon!
AKU! Yes! You posted this poem! ^^
Right, so, nitpicks:
Overall: Good!
Keep it up, Aku!
-Soxxie.
Hey Angel,
I found this very interesting. It has a sing-song feel to it, which I like. I kind of imagined the narrator asking some sort of higher being, or something that knows the secret but isn't quite willing to tell.
There are a few punctuation and grammatical errors, but I think with a quick read-through you can find them.
The one thing I'm not sure about is the rhyming pattern. I'm not sure if you're trying for a specific pattern, or if, as mentioned before, you're going for a more sing-song feel. I'm not sure it really needs a structured pattern, but it's something to consider.
Anyway, I like it!