Published December 23, 2010
mmm...mmm...mhm
mmm...mmm...mhm
here i am
bron through the saddness
and the pain
here i am
torn apart, ripping at the seems
just let me go, just let me go
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person...
i had my heart ripped out
and my mind shreaded into
a thousand peices
my mind filled with his lies
so i say...
just let me go just let me go
just let be here
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person
trying to find away out of the dark
and nito the light i want to stop
i cry my nights away
i want to forget the horror
just let me go just let me go
just let be here
you keep me here, so im here
struggling to run
i know im not perfect
but im still a person
help me please
just let me run
im struggling
this all in need please
someone stop him
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138,304 Literary Works • 672,100 Reviews
thank you i hope you arnt in the sisutation cause it never gets better or ends
and it endsup nearly killing one of the two i should know i tried suicide 7 times and if u can walk away now no matter what your heart says
Really good,I love it,that's how I feel now.
I think it's pretty good,it doesn't need many changes.
keep up the good work
nito > into
I love the beginning:
here i am
to everyone reading this, it not about being a villan its about a girl being left hurt under her bfs fists. as i have been this is why i wrote this. not so everyone can say it sucks but cause it help me heal and not cut .
Persephoneia basically seemed to point out all of the errors i think that you could've used more sensory words to make the villain in this piece seem more a villain i don't really fell the character pain in this poem. It was a cute poem though.
ok so over all these are goo lyrics. but! if you want this to be about a bad relationship you need to make it a bit more clear. cause i was confused.
and i think that you should change it up a bit. it's kinda repetitive.
over all it's good.
also there is actually a forum specifically for song lyrics.
good job!
the message is yes this song is about a realtionship and its was a bad one yes it abusive physical and mental but this song tell that story
A big repetitive. Also every song has a message, and I'm not sure what the message in this one is. It's all very scrambled. You need to make sure the listener or reader has enough information to relate to. Maybe I'm just not relating, but you need to ask yourself: Do you know what this song means? If you do, that's great, I'm pretty stupid. If you don't then you should fix it.
Also Saddness should be sadness.
This sounds like a song to me. Keep writing!
Well I think we all feel this and I am glad you wrote this because this is something I feel right now.
I think you need to put different stanzas because it confuses the reader. Where is the chorus? Where is the verse? It's hard to read as a song if you don't seperate them.
There also needs to be more imagery. Some of the poem needs more of it. Are you talking about a relationship? It seems as if something bad happened. Incorperate (sp?) it into the poem. Use imagery to make the reader feel like they know what happened.
This is a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. It was very interesting.
Okay, so first of all, I'm assuming these are lyrics, rather than lyric poetry?
Overall:
So, I would try to incorporate more originality, and definitely take a good look at the grammar and spelling. It might seem like a minor thing, but it's the first impression that someone takes away from your piece. Sometimes, grammar can be used to reflect certain tones or atmospheres on the piece, but I don't really think it was that functional in this one. The ending is strong, with a powerful statement, but unless I'm mistaken, it'd seemed like it was about a relationship, and that felt a little over the top to me. Just my opinion though. Seeing that these are lyrics, and it's a song, I would try to use more rhythmic tones, as it will allow the reader to kind of pick up on the melody, providing you do it well enough. It can be pretty difficult, but it's awesome when it's done.
Overall, nice write. Definitely a lot of emotion.