Ok....this is actually a bit of freestyle poetry so it actually sounds better when this is read out loud because where there are huge stanzas is where I usually speed up. If you want to know what I'm talking about then view this link http://youtu.be/EieFdXy_HwM. But other than that, please do not criticize this poem because it involves Christianity. Enjoy and comment.
Unforgiving Four syllables It's what tortures you For you are filled with bitterness
It starts in your heart Creeps to the outside Not only sends strangers away But warns your friends to hide
From you, yes you The one they supported The one they loved to laugh with But now hatred is hoarded In your heart so much That Jesus tries to keep his home But the Devil manages to make it in Because somehow you can't forgive no more
No more No more laughs, no more smiles You won't forgive them for a moment Not even for a while
You have so much hatred in your heart From your eyes that person can't be seen But you are the one who is locked in For hatred in the heart is the deadliest of deeds
Wait, are you confused? Do you ask how this could be But wait you must notice that Right here in 1 John 3:15 "That anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that a murderer has no eternal life in him" So what does this mean?
God is hurt because We can't find it in our heart to forgive our brothers and sisters It's the same pain as forgetting God And serving false masters
We walk around life Serving the one above Yet life isn't going well For we are clouded by the Devil's love To keep us in the darkness So that he may laugh and we cry With only a little time For our hopes to fly
Away
Prayers won't be answered You will continue to stumble Unless the word of God is heard Through all the Devil's rumble
In other eyes What if it was the other way around You will move on With me here, still stuck to the ground
I heard your sorries But I refused to believe them Because to me, they were just as foul As someone, coughing and spitting up phlegm
But that would mean no peaceful nights Stirring in my bed like there's no tomorrow Because of all my hatred towards you In my heart, it had made a burrow
But then again, they say Hate the sin, not the sinner All along, the hate bounced back Like a plastic ball to a mirror
So through all those countless struggles For you to feel my pain I was actually struggling with myself Things will never be the same
But back to you This is not about me You need to find it in your heart to forgive So your heart can be free
Because it hurts my heart To see such sad faces But we must learn from our pasts That's why we can't erase it
We can't really let that block Ever hold us back We must be like trains Staying on our track
So those who swear not to forgive Don't roll your eyes and say wow For the time is coming It can even come right now
[PAUSE]
You know it's way productive To read your book in the light Don't go by your worldly thoughts But what God says that's right
And to all those I hurt The ones I swear to have lift my hand in might I put it down To emphasize my words as I apologize
Now I'm able to move on Getting this off my chest But be forewarned There will be a rest
I hope lessons have been learned And mental notes have been made For forgiveness is important A forgiving heart is what you shall create
Oh and I wasn't sure of what subject to put this on so if anyone could inform me (through pm) of how to really decided what genre to put your poem in, that will be nice
Hi AngelKnight900 I thought that this poem was really interesting, and had some wonderful lines full of imagery. The message behind it was touching and poignant, and just really lovely. The emotion behind the words was very clear.
You won't forgive them for a moment / Not even for a while
I think I sort of understand what you were trying to say here, but it doesn't really come through properly. If you don't forgive someone for a moment, you definitely won't forgive them "for a while". Switching "while" and "moment" would make a lot more sense, though I understand that might mess up the rhyming scheme in this stanza.
For hatred in the heart is the deadliest of deeds
Nothing wrong with this line, I just loved it so much that I had to mention it The two phrases in this line just work so well together!
We can't find it in our heart to forgive our brothers and sisters
I think that "heart" should probably be "hearts" because you are referring to more than one person here.
As someone, coughing and spitting up phlegm
I don't think that the comma here really fits. It creates a bit of an awkward pause in the middle of a flowing stanza.
But what God says that's right
Here the "that's" could be replaced with "is", and the line would sound better and make more sense.
And to all those I hurt / The ones I swear to have lift my hand in might
I don't know, the second line here just doesn't seem to make sense. When I read the next line (I put it down), it makes a bit more sense, but I'm not sure what you're really saying here.
For forgiveness is important / A forgiving heart is what you shall create
"Shall" just sounds a bit odd here, like a command instead of a suggestion or a "lesson" as you mention earlier in the stanza. I would suggest using the word "should" instead.
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Hi AngelKnight900
I thought that this poem was really interesting, and had some wonderful lines full of imagery. The message behind it was touching and poignant, and just really lovely. The emotion behind the words was very clear.
I think I sort of understand what you were trying to say here, but it doesn't really come through properly. If you don't forgive someone for a moment, you definitely won't forgive them "for a while". Switching "while" and "moment" would make a lot more sense, though I understand that might mess up the rhyming scheme in this stanza.
Nothing wrong with this line, I just loved it so much that I had to mention it
I think that "heart" should probably be "hearts" because you are referring to more than one person here.
I don't think that the comma here really fits. It creates a bit of an awkward pause in the middle of a flowing stanza.
Here the "that's" could be replaced with "is", and the line would sound better and make more sense.
I don't know, the second line here just doesn't seem to make sense. When I read the next line (I put it down), it makes a bit more sense, but I'm not sure what you're really saying here.
"Shall" just sounds a bit odd here, like a command instead of a suggestion or a "lesson" as you mention earlier in the stanza. I would suggest using the word "should" instead.
Keep writing poetry, your imagery is lovely!
there is so much feelings and pain in this poem, my eyes started to tear imagining a person feeling like this and at the same time is alone
I Loved This Part Unforgiving
Four syllables
It's what tortures you
For you are filled with bitterness
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