Published September 20, 2005
Aim only going to give you a rundown of this story before I start it
The setting is set in a imaginary land so places and names may sound weird, anyhow a young princess who is anything but girly is forced into a marriage with the king(whom her father and her have been fighting for years) suggest as a form of peace his sons Tristan and Raoul could marry the good kings daughter and cousin. While Tristan is sweet and noble his brother is the opposite and in the process the princess Kyla wages war on Raoul for murdering her cousin, this story is a power struggle for a love that may never exist between Tristan and Kyla and Tristan's love for his family. Even though Tristan loves Kyla she does not love him but will that all change and what will become of the families feuds.
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141,422 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well this is quite an interesting one here. Although before we get to the premise itself that you have here I have to start out by saying at the moment this is a little bit of a big ol jumble here. It seems as if you've just sort of jotted down these thoughts as they come without stopping for a moment to think about how it was all going to sound like and the result is that it takes a few read throughs and some analysis to fully understand what's being said here, and for something this short that's not a good sign.
Besides that particular issue though, I think you have a pretty solid piece here. There seems to be quite a solid bit of worldbuilding but into it and it looks set to be a pretty decent story from the little that we have here. I think you could really build it up pretty well from this point if you develop these characters properly here. The side plots that are already in place definitely seem like they'd help out too. And since this is a rough sort of sketch of the plot this current state of disarray isn't too bad but you should probably clean this up a bit to properly present it as an idea.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
it's good!!
I'd definitely have to second that.
It has potential, but if you're not careful you will most definitely fall into the deadly black hole of trite cliche. *shudder* But I'd like to see it when you get it up. Good luck.
It's a pretty cool idea, but obviously derived from a lot of other things, so I'd work really hard to make it unique.
oh yeah by the way i like your computer name...are there any stories youve wrote on here.
please don't double post, just edit your previous post
Thanks for the reply and ill try to continue as soon as possible
Sounds Interesting.
Keep it up.