Once it see's you....

Hey!!

Before I started, I just wanted to say that this is a very commonly used topic. Not very original. It is also very short.

Also, where you said

"Theirs a demon under my bed."

I believe this should change to

"There's a demon under my bed."

Anyway this is okay grammar and spelling wise.

Keep writing!!,
~Tiff

This is pretty rough.

It lacks any originally- the boy afraid of monsters under their bed is cliche. What you brought us here was a jumbled mess of the same story we have known for years in modern media and culture. We don't need another iteration of a simplistic concept, we want something new or we want it presented in a way that it will make it interesting. The parts where you could have added your own spin was the image of the monster, the image of the room, the dialogue with your mom, alteration, rhythm, a consistent or coherent rhyme scheme ect.

Which, I think you need to understand the need for rhythm in a poem-the line breaks, punctuation and rhyme scheme are all arbitrary. The first two lines set up your poems rhythm and you left that pretty quickly, making the whole poem come off as awkward. There is really nothing good to say about this poem at all.

Wow. This is extremely creepy. In fact, you gave me shivers beyond belief. I loved the poem overall. I thought that your story line was very impressive, the idea of a monster under the bed is older, but you gave it a nice, new twist that is creative and eerie in the best of ways. There are very few things that I would change about it, and they are only small, grammatical things.

First off, there is no need for an apostrophe in the "sees" in your title. It is a plural form, so the apostrophe is not needed. The same goes for the "sees" in your second to last line. It should just be "sees," not "see's."

Second, I would go through it again to look at your punctuation at the end of each line. Some of them are correct, but others feel as if they need a period instead of a comma so that it does not feel like it is dragging on for so long. Also, the ellipses at the end should be changed. I would change it to "Because once you see the supernatural,/ It sees you,/ And will do anything to silence you..." This makes it feel less herky jerky, and creates a sort of smooth flow that is consistent with the rest of your piece.

Another grammar error appears in the fourth to last line. It should be "There's a demon under my bed," rather than "Theirs a demon under my bed." The word "there" represents a place, "their" represents possession, and not the demonic kind.

In the fourth line, change "its" to "it's" so that it means "it is" rather than something belonging to "it."

Other than those few grammar errors, I believe that your poem is amazing, and I would like to read more like this, so please let me know if you write any!

Continue writing, because you are amazing! Thank you for sharing your work! I am very happy to have read your writing.
-GSL

Hi, for thing first since its a quick change, on the description there's a typo you wrote they instead of there. now on to the review.

First off I loved this your imagery and description was amazing. It lead the reader being drawn in. I also liked how you used simple details but had a lot of power in them.

cons: is some of your I's are lower case there's no reason for that and its a quick change.
The rest is I suggest just reading it aloud theres some typos but that's it the rest was great my favorite lines were


Theirs a demon under my bed.

Because once you see the supernatural .....

It see's you....

And will do anything to silence you....."

I liked this because it was eerie that it makes the reader have Goosebumps and look under there bed just to make sure there alone.

Great job keep up the good work

~Night