Published October 10, 2005
The sun gently sets
Another day has almost past.
Have somehow got through, yet i still feel lost
Holding on to the little bit of hope i have left
Still have some strength
Won't break
Can't break.
holding back my emotions.
NO I WILL NOT LET ANYONE IN,
can't let anyone in.
don't belong here, or there, or any where.
just don't belong.
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Canary word: Present
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
The repetitive "I" was irritating...the reader can't really relate. It might actually sound nice (well, unique rather) if you didn't have anything where the "I"s are. But the next time you have a poem like this, you need to post it in the Lyric Poetry section. Not Dramatic Poetry.
(since you were being nice and critiquing my poems, I decided to be nice and come check your out!
) I love the way you explained how you feel, esp. these lines:
I don't know why, but I love that. However, some of your contractions are taking a bit away. If you said "will not" instead of "won't" and/or "can not" instead of "can't" personally it would grip me more. Do what you want, though. If it works for you, leave it.