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Young Writers Society



The Miracle

by Anchees


Dear All, I know this is a bit lengthy. But please read and post your valuable comments.

The garden was in full bloom with flowers of different colours in full bloom everywhere. Their varied fragrance filled the atmosphere with a hypnotising aroma, which made one want to spend more time in the garden than indoors.

Sheila enjoyed just sitting on her wheel chair, gazing at the bright colours of the flowers and taking in the fragrance. I could see her from the corner of my eye, as I sat beside her. We didn’t talk; it was all silence, broken by the occasional sounds of birds chirping in the trees.

Roger, our little Doberman never left her side. One couldn’t help but notice Roger’s sadness at Sheila’s sorry plight. And why not! It was she who looked after his every need. From taking him for his daily morning run, to feeding him; she did everything for him. She adored him, as he did her.

“And everywhere that Sheila went, Roger was sure to go” is how I used to tease them. Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to hide my face not wanting her to see. The memories came rushing back; it felt just like yesterday.

Sheila and I had exchanged our marriage vows in the grand old church on the hill. The church was packed to capacity with all our friends and relatives. The organist and the church choir were in all readiness to begin belting out those familiar wedding hymns. I was led in by my parents to take my place at the chancel steps to await the arrival of my wife to be.

The pastor was at the altar preparing in prayer, to join together in holy matrimony, two individuals who were deeply in love.

At last, she arrived looking radiant with flowing gown and veil, a bouquet in her hand. The entire congregation” strained to see her charming face. The anxiety that caused a hush was broken by the sounds of the grand old Pipe Organ playing the bridal march “Here comes the bride, all dressed in white”.

Her father escorted her up to the chancel steps from where I took my beautiful bride-to-be to the altar. Hand in hand we marched, trying to keep in step with the organ. The old priest welcomed us with a smile and instructed us to kneel.

“Dearly beloved, we have joined together…..” he started, with that deep baritone voice of his. The first hymn “The voice that breathed o’er Eden” seemed grand as sung by the large choir.

The marriage ceremony didn’t take long. After exchanging our vows to each other and signing the marriage register, the priest proclaimed us man and wife.

Once again as if to announce our wedding to the world, the organ began the famous “Wedding March”. With a sort of pride I led Sheila, my wife, out of the church her arm clenched in mine.

I was deep in thought, thinking of, and actually mentally reliving that day, when suddenly, Sheila shouted very loudly…..

“Amen, Yes Lord”.

I was taken aback with surprise, and a kind of fear, when saying this, she rose up and left the solace of the wheel chair. Raising her legs up she shouted…….

“I am healed, I am healed” Saying so, she began praising the Lord with all her heart.

“Darling, I saw my Jesus” she said. “He came and touched me”. He said in one of the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard to rise up”.

“Sheila, rise up for I have healed you”.

She began telling me with such excitement in her voice, jumping up and down. She was uncontrollable.

Roger, who also was startled by her loud shouting, was filled with joy. I noticed he couldn’t stop wagging his tail and jumping up and down with her. Joy and Love knew no bounds at that moment. We were filled, filled by our Saviour with such a joy.

That day Jesus entered into our lives. We knew that we are in His tender and loving care. From that day on and even today, the two of us and our little Roger are engulfed in His love and we are sure He will be always be there for us: no matter what…..

Today we know that nothing is lost when He is by our side. There is always hope and that, nothing is impossible for Him, He cares.

By: Sebastian Adolphous Anchees

10 Feb 2010


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Thu Feb 18, 2010 2:16 am
Lena.Wooldridge wrote a review...



Alright, so for the most part, this is written pretty good. I enjoyed reading this a lot.

But I do have some Nitpicks...

1) When you use a big word, you can only use it like once. Maybe twice. But never once in the same sentence/paragraph.

The garden was in full bloom with flowers of different colours in full bloom everywhere.

For example, you use "full bloom" twice in the same sentence here.


2) Be careful with semi-colons. The phrase on each side of the semi-colon must be a full sentence.
From taking him for his daily morning run, to feeding him; she did everything for him.

The first part of this semi-colon is not a full sentence. Also, it would be better if you just used a normal comma.

3) There seems to be a lack of plot. I understand that they got married, but what is the plot beyond that? It seems to just be some testimony to your love of Jesus Christ. And nobody wants to read about that, except... I dunno... Other people who are engulfed by religion?

I hope I helped you. PM for questions.

Cheers,
-Lena.

PS this wasn't long at all, I dunno what you were talking about.




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Points: 2644
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Tue Feb 16, 2010 6:53 am
Monster says...



I really like the imagery and vocabulary used here :) good work!





A Prince of Darkness Is a Gentleman
— William Shakespeare